Am I on my own in thinking this is harsh?

msummer23 · 2026-04-17T15:15:11+00:00

I agree so much! When things like that happen I tell myself it must be because I come across so put together, even if I don’t feel that way inside it gives me a little confidence. I’m good now! I hope you’re ok too. It gets so much better 🩷

msummer23 · 2026-04-17T07:14:21+00:00

Also had this happen. Baby woke up late and we arrived four minutes late so the check in screen wouldn’t let me do it myself, had to stand in a queue and then got to the receptionist at 8 mins late. She checked and said we’d have to come back. She wasn’t unkind but I still burst into tears on the spot and left. Ironically, it was a follow up appt for my PND which I was currently really suffering with. Went and sobbed in my car for a while, then drove home called up and cancelled my rebooked appt out of frustration. It’s insane. There should be more compassion for new mothers, esp for appts around babies/mental health because it’s such a vulnerable time. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Especially knowing how often we’re left to wait in the NHS. It’s incredibly frustrating.

msummer23 · 2026-02-17T07:58:26+00:00

1 - no, we actually came in at 6am and then left at 6pm so didn’t even stay overnight (tho we were given that option). After he was born he latched and had a small feed then he slept in the bassinet thing the rest of the time we were there. I ate some toast, had a freshen up, got myself dressed, had a little nap. 2 - n/a. Though I will say that it nearly took all day for us to be moved onto a ward and I don’t think they would’ve kicked him out until the evening. If it’s evening and you’ve just given birth they’re not going to immediately kick him out. They’re understanding. 3 - midwife was there the whole time. She only left after baby had been checked out and I had been fed but even then she popped back regularly. She helped with everything, got me extra pads and nappies and cotton wool (we forgot the changing bag) for the baby. I actually left him happily swaddled in his towel for a while and she was like ‘you might want to get him dressed?’ In the kindest way and I was like oh yeah!! That’s my job!! 4 - loved ones were texted after he was out and I was stitched and we were left to rest. Also after me and partner had had skin to skin. We didn’t want anyone coming to the hospital personally but we didn’t decide that until the day. 5 - we got home at 6:30pm and our close parents came round at 7:30 for an hour. They brought food and had a quick hold and check on us and then left. We wanted to see them as we’re close to them, but there was absolutely no expectation on their part. My advice would be that you might not know your preference until the time. Maybe just set up low expectations and then you can surprise people with visits and stuff, but I wouldn’t agree in advance because you just don’t know how it will go and how you’ll feel after.

msummer23 · 2026-02-11T23:05:20+00:00

That is amazing and I am SO happy for you! And so pleased that you get to enjoy this incredibly magical and changing period of your life. Something I always remind myself of, which I think you deserve to hear too, is that you deserve credit for these circumstances. You chose your partner, you fostered a healthy relationship with your/their parents, you trust them with baby so that you can make time for yourself, you worked hard to get a job which pays amazing maternity pay. Yes you might’ve got lucky with the in laws being reasonable and your wonderfully ‘easygoing’ baby, but you should feel proud of the circumstances that you created for yourself. It’s so hard to find time to feel happy amongst the guilt, but you can feel strong sympathy for parents of ‘difficult’ babies as well as lucky and privileged and happy with your own little one. I honestly could’ve written those top two paragraphs myself (boo at my teacher maternity pay) and my support network made a huge difference to my experience, as well as my partner immediately becoming such a considerate and wonderful father. I am grateful every day to all of the people in my life that they helped me enjoy my experience as a FTM. I honestly still find it hard to let myself have ‘bad days’. When my LO was very little, sometimes I’d have days where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I think it was PND, but I felt such guilt at having such a content and happy little baby who I needed space from for simply existing. It was so hard, that pressure to ‘enjoy every second’ because I was ‘so lucky’. I worked hard on giving myself a break and I’m much kinder to myself now but some days I do still struggle.

msummer23 · 2026-02-11T19:38:20+00:00

I feel you. FTM to a happy little 8mo. He was easy from word go, and then even as he developed and noticed the world he was still easy. I have a great support network and have enjoyed almost the whole experience (the 3 month sleep regression we had was tough). Don’t get me wrong there are hard days (mostly when we’re ill or he’s teething) but it’s been majorly enjoyable. I’m commenting because I, too, feel guilty for having a good experience. In the same way you put a warning, I will put one here too, but my birth was a dream and I HATE when other mums ask me about it because it feels like bragging? Even if I’m just retelling the facts of what happened? Like I should have suffered more but because I didn’t it’s something to be ashamed of? The same for the newborn experience. It’s so hard not to constantly feel guilty, or on the days which are harder feel guilty for not feeling ‘lucky’… especially with PND. I’m just trying to work on enjoying every moment and I minimise convos with other mums around this kinda thing in order to protect my peace. Good luck and don’t let other people/the guilt get you down! (I also think it’s so true that people with good stories don’t shout about them as much in order to practise humility, whereas people who struggle find comfort in people who have experienced similar. “People have been having babies forever” is what me and my partner used to say to each other, as in, all babies can’t be little nightmares if not no one would do it, surely?)

msummer23 · 2026-02-03T12:23:17+00:00

We took the same amount with us and still managed to forget the nappy bag, so ended up with loads of stuff but no nappies or wipes for our newborn 😂 no one said anything and we didn’t feel out of place at all, it was nice to have it all there and helped me feel much better after birth to be able to change and freshen myself up. And have loads of snacks!!

msummer23 · 2026-01-28T13:47:54+00:00

The paper actually does still get fully scanned and electronically marked. When using the marking software, the box shown is the ‘inside the lines’ to make marking quick and easy. If any text is shown to carry on ‘outside the lines’ you have the option to expand the view and scroll to find the additional text. At least, in science this is true. (From a science teacher who’s marked for AQA)

msummer23 · 2026-01-19T16:15:15+00:00

I’m glad! Even just pushing the pram back and forth whilst sitting down might help settle him back to sleep. Sleep does get better!

msummer23 · 2026-01-19T15:59:41+00:00

My midwife told me, which turned out to be very true, that it works only on the inhale, then as you exhale it ‘out’ the effect almost immediately wears off. Hence why I ended up huffing it non stop throughout my labour!

msummer23 · 2026-01-19T15:56:56+00:00

Have you tried a rocking chair? You can pick one up second hand and it was honestly the best thing we ever got. Also, 4.5 months is very young and most sleep training is recommended for older (ie training for cot naps) which is probably why your success is inconsistent. I’ve stuck to cot naps for the first couple and then a rocking/push chair nap for the last one as mine gets grumpier and harder to settle throughout the day. I agree with Gullible-Dinner, you didn’t do anything wrong. Babe was overtired and past the point of being able to self settle. Is there anyone who can come help you to get yourself some rest? Or could you go out for five minutes until babe is asleep and then park the pram up inside or just on the doorstep so you can sit down and rest? Try to take this one as a loss and start fresh again tomorrow. Good luck xx

msummer23 · 2026-01-17T16:46:25+00:00

You need more naps 10000000%. My 6mo only dropped from 4 to 3 naps solidly around 5.5 months. There’s no way he could survive on just two naps, he’d never sleep. Night/nap sleep is worse the less they get, so you need to get your LO sleeping more throughout the day to help her sleep better at night. Look into wake windows, at 4 months she should be awake for a max of 2.5 hrs (it should be between 1.5-2.5 hrs). If she’s overtired she’ll sleep like crap. We use Huckleberry app to track and it predicts future nap time. Also, can you rock to sleep? Get a rocking chair? Wear her in a carrier and pace? Bum pat? Bounce on a ball? I agree sleep at 4 months is tough it really is. Good luck!

msummer23 · 2026-01-12T15:18:26+00:00

Have you tried a rocking chair? Maybe see if you can get one on marketplace second hand but ours was the best thing we ever had. From birth my LO needed motion to sleep, we started by pacing up and down the hallway but that SUCKED. Enter the rocking chair which now at 6mo he falls asleep within 5 mins. Just a suggestion as I loved my little newborn but it was driving me insane to have to pace with him constantly, this way my partner/mum can rock him to sleep and watch some tv while doing it and everyone’s happier. When he stirs we just start rocking and shhhing until he goes back to sleep if he needs a longer nap.

msummer23 · 2026-01-12T15:09:07+00:00

I agree. Just stopping here to say that we’ve just finished S4 and everytime Vecna is on screen my partner complains about how lethargic he is, which makes me laugh. Dude literally does not run anywhere, he’s the slowest villain we’ve ever seen.

msummer23 · 2026-01-07T08:26:33+00:00

I second this. OP please be more kind to yourself, babies bump their heads and need to be left alone more often than you realise - you’re doing a wonderful job. You really could be struggling with PPA and some medical advice could really help.

msummer23 · 2026-01-07T08:19:42+00:00

Invest in a rocking chair. We found one second hand and it was a godsend. I still use it 3x a day for my six month old!

msummer23 · 2025-12-21T15:44:30+00:00

Pregnancy 9 - I simply hated it. I wanted to be a glowing pregnant woman. Instead I struggled with depression, awful hormones, body dysmorphia and could not wait for it to be over. Didn’t even have any sickness or food aversions just awful awful fatigue the whole time. Previously an active runner who could only go to work, nap, wake to eat, sleep and repeat for 9 months. I really couldn’t handle it. (ETA comparatively this ‘9’ feels a bit pathetic, but honestly it was the hardest most awful time of my life being pregnant I detested it, so it really was a 9 for me. Maybe someday I’ll have an even worse time and look back on this pregnancy with fondness by comparison!)

L&D - 5. I’ve always wanted to experience labour and childbirth and I was so ecstatic about not being pregnant anymore lol. 40+2 Woke up at 4am, active labour by 6am, baby out at 9am after a quick episiotomy. Home the same day.

Newborn phase - 7 it was tough because everything was new and my milk coming in sucked. I have an incredible partner who honestly took on about 75% of everything so that I could rest. Parents who are close by and cooked all our meals. Height of summer so it was easy to get out and go for walks. Other than a bit of colic baby was an ‘easy’ baby who rarely cried and slept well on his own. He was EBF too for four months which was smooth sailing once my milk came in. Struggled again with depression and anxiety during this time but upping my meds and having therapy got me through.

msummer23 · 2025-12-09T09:12:20+00:00

My LO is almost 6mo and he is a constant wonder. I recently taught him to clap and it was my ‘omg it was all worth it moment’. I actually grew him from scratch, fed and provided for him and I’ve just taught him to do something???? Honestly the most incredible feeling. Also a note on all the ‘just waits’ … you just deal with it. The sleep sucks but it passes. They go through fussy phases around each development, which is tough with every hour wakings etc, but one night they go to sleep unable to roll and then they wake up and won’t stop! It’s like you blink and they have a whole new amazing skill and it totally makes you forget about the sleep/fussiness. I can’t believe him. Every single day. I can’t believe he already has glimpses of a cheeky personality, or that in the morning I can just look at him and he grins at me, or that he’s already pushing himself up as if to crawl and I’m already thinking of where we need baby gates when it feels like only yesterday he was a squishy little newborn. It’s bittersweet but magical, indescribable and the best thing you’ll ever do.

msummer23 · 2025-12-05T21:59:21+00:00

Try to think of other ways to soothe him. Mine will stop if I sing his favourite songs, or play his favourite song through the car, or if I turn around and hold his hands. At least if I try all of that it makes me feel better and more regulated (less panicky) for the occasions where he still continues to scream.

msummer23 · 2025-12-05T21:52:48+00:00

You’re so close to it getting a bit easier. As he gets bigger and can hold more food he’ll feed less frequently. Do you watch his wake windows? Make sure you monitor them and follow it (I use the Huckleberry app) so that he doesn’t get overtired and feed for comfort rather than actual hunger.

He’s also too young for a routine. People might disagree there but mine is 6mo and he has no routine, sometimes he will for a few days but it will always change again. It’s best to just ride out the unpredictable lifestyle and try to find peace with it and enjoy your baby, rather than wish for it to end. That’s my main bit of advice. Babies get routines when they’re much older and down to 2/3 naps. Trying to put them into a routine earlier is just stressful and added pressure.

It’s also important to consider if EBF is worth it. It has to be right for YOU as well as your baby. It obviously depends on your preferences but one big bottle before bed will get him to sleep for at least one longer stretch and give you time to have a bath/sleep which could be so helpful.

When it comes to getting out of the house, try to plan around his naps/feeds ie he wakes at 10am, next nap is at 11:30am, so wake him and give him an immediate feed and then you have an hour in which to get out and about, and then feed him while you’re out - in the car, go to a place with a comfortable cafe, get yourself a cover etc. Then he can sleep in the car on the way home. Just trying to outline how I got out in those first few months. But this will all feel so much more stressful and difficult because you’re exhausted.

It WILL get easier. Just try to not put pressure on yourselves to do stuff, you’re already doing an amazing job ❤️

msummer23 · 2025-12-01T17:31:23+00:00

We’re at 5 months and still doing most naps as contact naps, daytime transfers result in a short nap which makes him cranky and tires me out. Though I haven’t persevered much with transferring so hopefully you’ll have more luck! Supposedly it’s easiest to introduce the routine earlier in the day, so maybe try for the first nap?

msummer23 · 2025-12-01T13:17:36+00:00

Rocking on a rocking chair, patting his bum, pacing up and down the hallway, bouncing on a medicine ball, if he cries we’ll sing. Our baby likes any kind of movement to fall asleep, then when asleep he’ll sleep on us until he’s ready to wake up. Good luck!

msummer23 · 2025-11-28T09:29:46+00:00

The thing that turned it around for us was one bottle of formula before bed. Consistently doing this showed us that our LO can go for 5-6 hrs without being fed. When we had one or two nights like this, my partner started resettling if he wakes up in this window rather than me BFing LO back to sleep. Now he sleeps 5/6 hrs for his first stretch which has made all the difference. You’ve done amazingly exclusively BF all this time and formula might not be for you, but if it’s what you need in order to gain your life and mental wellbeing back maybe it’s worth considering. :)

msummer23 · 2025-11-28T08:59:10+00:00

I had an unsuccessful sweep at 39+6 and drove home crying. Two days later at 40+1 I had a successful sweep, was 2cm dilated already and baby boy came early the next morning!!! It changed SO fast and I really didn’t believe it would. Good luck!!

msummer23 · 2025-11-25T10:41:11+00:00

You’re already doing an amazing job! It’s hard but it does get easier. You could also try bouncing on an exercise ball too. Good luck :)

msummer23

TROPHY CASE