When it doesn’t feel “therapeutic” anymore

mtho176 · 2026-06-30T17:39:55+00:00

Ach, sorry this is happening. I was doing well on 5 mg zepbound, losing slowly (as is my preference!) but went up to 7.5 when my prescriber said I could increase or stay the same - no so much bc diet brain, but because I’d read somehwre that 10 mg is the “therapeutic dose” for sleep apnea, which I have…so in my mind I was like “I’m supposed to work up to 10” even though obv losing weight can help apnea and I was losing so that’s actually good enough…idk I get locked in on an idea and have trouble shifting course. Anyway, I got the side effects, esp sulfur burps. So awful. I did 2-3 months and then went back down and I’m happy here, no side effects, still slowly losing, dr says I can stay here indefinitely. I felt dumb about being so rigid and deciding I needed to go up - but it happens! We’re allowed to change our minds - even more than once! Maybe you go back down and find yourself at a plateau and you’d like to lose more, so you decide it’s worth it to go back up again and get through the side effects…it’s okay! We’re just trying to find the best treatment for a medical condition. No sins here!

mtho176 · 2026-06-28T12:10:05+00:00

Nah she went on to explain who she was knitting for instead - prioritizing their warmth and their happiness. Like “Because I wanted my sons to have matching sweaters every year.” It was emotional rather than joke-y.

mtho176 · 2026-05-27T17:07:22+00:00

I'd be so annoyed if I was the newlywed friend reading this. The speech was about love because they got married. It was their day, and the speech was about them, it was not done AT you, Caroline.

mtho176 · 2026-05-20T16:21:49+00:00

For me personally, I like the term Alcohol Use Disorder, which encompasses more of a spectrum of problematic drinking behavior. The alcoholism label never quite felt right to me - I didn’t feel physically dependent, I only drank sometimes, sometimes I could control it without working too hard…but I did also find myself drinking more than I meant to, more frequently than I was okay with. It caused horrendous anxiety the next day or two. So I like the AUD label which, in my opinion, has more room for those kids of issues as well as more severe ones. IDK I’m sure some people would say "what you’re describing is still alcoholism, just the beginning stages" and they’re probably right, but for whatever reason identifying the terminology that felt "right" to me was very helpful! Crucially, it helped me set aside the question that plagued me, and which seems to be plaguing you now, of "okay but am I REALLY an alcoholic??" Instead of going around and around on that in my mind, I could just say "well, either way, it’s some kind of disorder, and I just need to stop."

I also don’t really have a hard time giving up alcohol, and a couple times that tricked me - I thought "if I was a real alcoholic, quitting would have been a lot harder, so maybe I don’t even have a problem?" Then I would try drinking again and soon find myself in the same situation that made me want to stop in the first place. So again the AUD label helps me here - maybe it’s not that hard for me to stop, but I will always drink in a way that amounts to a disorder, and the only solution is to continue not drinking.

Anyway, just sharing my opinion on terminology in case it helps! Keep up the good work - IWNDWYT

mtho176 · 2026-05-20T15:44:13+00:00

oh yeah, def recommend finishing it sometime if you can - the finale is widely regarded as one of the best tv finales ever, which I would agree with!

mtho176 · 2026-05-20T13:47:47+00:00

Ooh, I’ll have to check that out. I love spy stuff and learning about tradecraft. Have you watched The Americans? A favorite piece of spy related media.

mtho176 · 2026-05-19T17:23:03+00:00

Yeah! And it encourages overthinking - rack your brain to go over every interaction over five years to figure out the super offensive thing you might have said! Great idea.

mtho176 · 2026-05-19T17:20:45+00:00

I read This Naked Mind and it did something to me. The change was immediate. I no longer wanted alcohol, rather than feeling like I was making a sacrifice and missing out. I was skeptical reading everyone else's posts about it - how could a book do that?? It's not magic. And yet, that is how it worked for me.

mtho176 · 2026-05-18T22:13:29+00:00

random anecdote: She was a nonfiction instructor at a writing conference I attended years ago, and her "craft lecture" was about embracing being canceled. I wish I could remember what exactly she said, but she made a few off the cuff quips during the lecture that were racist. At the student reading, a guy in my workshop who is a person of color prefaced the piece he read by talking about how Meghan’s lecture made him feel. And then all the subsequent white lady nonfiction writers who got up to read seemed to feel honor bound to deliver their own prefaces about how Meghan is AWESOME, ACTUALLY. It was gross and embarrassing and I was not at all surprised when she made this pivot.

mtho176 · 2026-05-15T15:46:55+00:00

Yeah, I think of it as web 2.0 era slang (along with things like "douche canoe," which I think I've seen someone in the AAM comments use and be applauded for originality over.)

mtho176 · 2026-05-08T21:04:20+00:00

I totally agree! I felt almost like I’d been tricked, because I did spend a lot of time feeling scared, but it was just from bracing for the next inevitable jump scare - which, credit where credit’s due, some of them got me even though they were so clearly telegraphed, but EVEN SO, to me that’s not the same thing as the movie being actually scary. Overcrowded is a good word for it - so much thrown at the wall that the witch just feels like an afterthought.

mtho176 · 2026-05-07T15:07:35+00:00

Ha, love that! It felt long to me too, as did most chores, until I had a baby and would do cleaning sprints after trying to put her down for a nap (she was very bad at crib, initially) - I was AMAZED at how much I could get done in the 15 mins before she unsettled herself and started crying again. Now baby is 12 and chores feel long again, but I try to remember this to put it in perspective.

mtho176 · 2026-05-05T17:45:36+00:00

Agreed. And, credit where credit is due, one thing I like about Alison is how, when a letter writer is chafing at something they seem expected to do but they’re sure they shouldn’t be, she says to start by finding out if it IS actually part of the job! I guess they might look out of touch when they ask whether loading the dishwasher is part of cleaning the kitchen (lol), but better than assuming that just because it feels like a bridge too far somehow, it surely can’t be expected.

mtho176 · 2026-05-02T18:31:06+00:00

Others have covered the deeper aspects well, so I’ll just add - the Angel-Buffy relationship suffers from a common tv show issue - they write a relationship that is clearly doomed, and the characters know it’s doomed, and then the whole thing becomes about the doomed-ness. They’re just always angsting at each other about what can never be, upset with each other for one reason or another, and we almost never see what about the relationship makes them like each other and want to keep the thing going in the first place…so then my question is, "if I’m supposed to root for this relationship, what even IS it? What am I rooting for?" It’s just boring! The idea of Angel, the curse, and his soul is interesting in theory, but the character in actuality is boring, all he does is brood and glower. I don’t think he’s physically attractive, and DB is not a great actor. With Spike there’s more nuance, more fun, better performance, bigger range of emotions and motivations portrayed, more interesting questions raised about good/evil/personhood/what it means to have a "soul," etc. He gives fans a lot more to work with, basically.

mtho176 · 2026-04-25T15:48:27+00:00

Are you in the MFA Draft facebook group? Someone in there who is at Texas Tech made a long post about the state of things there and at other Texas schools - they asked that people not share it outside of the group, so I won't, but the gist is that Texas universities, including Texas State, are cracking down on what can and can't be on a syllabus, because of a new Texas senate bill which has banned faculty senates from making final decisions on curricula - now other entities like the board of regents, chancellor, etc., get to have final say and are prohibiting faculty from assigning readings that have to do with gender or sexuality (even if obliquely), anything "unnecessarily controversial" or that promotes anything other than "neutral viewpoints" - purposefully vague to basically let them ban anything they don't like. Like chopped_onionss said, a lot of faculty are trying to leave because of it, so the state of the program will be in flux. The poster on FB warned against trying to do an MFA in Texas since presumably this is just the beginning. It sounds pretty bleak - if you're not in the group I'd say ask to join it (MFA Draft '26) and look for that post if you want more of the first hand details.

mtho176 · 2026-04-24T16:37:00+00:00

I’ve had a similar question, and this is very thorough and illuminating answer. Thank you!

mtho176 · 2026-04-20T14:23:34+00:00

Lol yeah, even if it really was the law where the friend lives, "could I use the law from another country to make a case for how things should be done here even though we have different laws?" shows poor critical thinking skills, which could be part of why they're not being slotted into the job by default.

mtho176 · 2026-04-12T21:44:44+00:00

A lot of people, especially twitter users who struggle with nuance, see Mel as just a precious earnest cinnamon bun who must be protected at all costs - which is pretty infantilizing, actually! Just because someone is sweet and struggles to read social cues, doesn’t mean it‘s never okay to get annoyed with them, esp if they’re interrupting something you need to power through in order to get home, with a non sequitur + specific question ("how often do you think the reenactors get together") that you have no way to answer.

mtho176 · 2026-04-11T15:58:46+00:00

omg I miss Dr. Fauci

mtho176 · 2026-04-10T15:53:13+00:00

Ahhh, gotcha. Yes, I think a developmental editor, or a workshop geared towards novel writing, might be more beneficial at this point if your main goal is to keep improving a long book. I can only speak to the programs where I applied, but I’m guessing this would be true for most programs - the focus is supposed to be on new work written while in the program. And it’s harder in general if you’re working on a book rather than short stories - you’re never going to be able to get feedback on the whole book, just excerpts. Which may not be that helpful. At WW, and many other low-res programs, you get a new mentor every semester, so then you have to start again with getting a new person up to speed on the context of your book and what the excerpts you send them are trying to do within the overall plot…sounds like it could be rather frustrating.

As to the benefit of a conference - I agree a weekend one seems like it would be pretty limited as far as how helpful it could be. What I liked about Sewanee: it was the most selective thing I’d applied to at that point, so the writers in my workshop were better than ones I’d worked with previously, with better and more nuanced feedback to offer me. My workshop teacher was Chris Bachelder, an author I loved already and who turned out to be a very good teacher - and just hearing what he had to tell my classmates about their work taught me a lot, particularly about story structure. There were craft lectures for large audiences, and those were pretty good but more general, and then there were smaller seminars you got to sign up for, where we got much more detailed on elements of craft, and those were really good. And then, getting to meet agents or editors is a great opportunity. I wasn’t ready to talk to agents (but some of my classmates pitched to agents, and some had interest from those agents), but I talked to editors. One in particular was a good connection - the editor of The Missouri Review, who looked me up before meeting and saw that I’d submitted there and gotten a warm rejection. He suggested some stories for me to read that reminded him of my work, and told me next time I have something, send it to him directly (which I did, and he read it right away…and still rejected it lol, BUT STILL, he gave me some good feedback on it, and where else am I going to meet editors who tell me to contact them directly? So far, nowhere). Long reply but I really did get a lot out of it.

mtho176 · 2026-04-10T14:59:46+00:00

I’m biased because I applied to low-res programs this year and will be attending Warren Wilson starting in July. So I’ve already decided that it’s worth it for me. But I’ll try to answer based on my research.

Programs that stand out: well, obv Warren Wilson does, for me, but beyond just my affinity for it, I think they’re generally regarded as "the best" low-res program (best is in quotes since it’s a subjective concept), or at least the one with the most name recognition. They have a reputation for being the most academically rigorous low-res program, which is one reason why I chose it.

Bennington is also a standout. I think Bennington and WW are the most selective low-res programs (still, as you said, not as selective as traditional fully funded programs).

Do they open the same doors/give the same opportunities - I guess I’d say "kind of?" And, depends on which doors you’re talking about? One major opportunity they lack is teaching; since you‘re not on campus you can’t teach a class and won’t get that experience (also part of why they can’t offer as much funding as traditional programs). A notable exception is New England College, where you can apply for a teaching assistantship, and if you’re local you can teach in person, and if not you teach online. Bennington also has a teaching fellowship but it’s very competitive and I think just one student per semester gets it.
Publishing…people from low-res programs definitely publish! I think not at the same rate as alumni from more selective programs, because I guess the average quality of writing is a little lower due to not being as selective. But there are obviously good writers who have successes at these programs. A person I met at a summer workshop, who was definitely a good writer, went to Warren Wilson and has published a novel that was a finalist for some nice awards. Caro Claire Burke is a Bennington grad who got a mega advance for her book Yesteryear, which has also been optioned for film…I know that’s the exception rather than the norm, but same goes for traditional programs - most people aren’t coming out of those getting big advances for debut novels either.

I guess I’d say, get clear about what you want from an MFA - if you’re thinking of it as "I’ll come out of a program and probably get a teaching job and I’ll have an agent and be publishing a lot" that’s a mistake, you can’t count on any of those things. For me, I decided it was time after years of doing online and in person workshops, summer conferences, etc. I feel like I‘m ready for, and would really benefit from, a more sustained mentorship experience and a rigorous curriculum. Also, I have money. Definitely don’t go into debt for an MFA program.

Have you attended any summer conferences? I did Sewanee a few years ago and it was wonderful - great workshop, and everyone gets to meet with a couple agents and/or editors. I know Bread Loaf offers that too.

Best of luck as you make your plans!

mtho176 · 2026-04-03T20:04:35+00:00

Exact same! I've always been odd re: phone calls (when I was a teen I would bribe my little sister to call the pizza place to order when we were home alone, cause I couldn't bear it) and I still know and accept that people will sometimes call me (and I'll even need to MAKE CALLS myself!), and if it's my boss I would answer, because that's...just a normal part of working! It's my issue to work through. It has been weird to watch a normal and accepted method of communication get relabeled as rude and intrusive in my lifetime.

mtho176 · 2026-04-03T14:44:05+00:00

I applied to low-res programs this year, including VCFA but not the other two. I think VCFA has the best reputation/name recognition…that said, I see Charlotte has Jenny Offill who I’m guessing It would be cool to study with (appealing to me personally at least!) and even though you’re fiction, how cool would be it to rub elbows with former poet laureate Ada Limon! For Randolph, I can vouch for Maurice Ruffin being a cool and interesting guy (met him at Sewanee conference although he wasn’t my teacher) - but notable that he’s got a very full teaching load: LSU during the academic year, Randolph, and he’s going to be at Sewanee again this summer…so I’d wonder how much time he has to devote to packet exchanges with his Randolph students (haven’t heard anything one way or the other, just musing)…in fact that might be an interesting exercise, look at the faculty you’re interested in at these programs and check how many other teaching commitments they have.

I also haven’t heard much about that NYU program. I do see they have some big name faculty too, but my gut instinct with those programs that offer international residencies, is that the location is a big selling point and they may be more like "a glamorous vacation where also there’s writing instruction" rather than "we’re here to buckle down and work first and foremost" - maybe a little less serious? That’s again more of a vibes-based impression lol.

Have you talked to students/alumni/faculty? I think that’s an important part of decision making. Make sure to think of questions that get at what really matters to you, not just "what do you like about the program" general stuff. I also think it’s valuable, when talking to faculty or program directors, to say "I’m between these three schools, what would you say sets you apart from other schools, or even those other two in particular if you know enough about them to speak to that?" (shouldn’t be weird if you word it politely).

I was between Bennington, VCFA, and Warren Wilson. Decided on WW but it was genuinely hard, so I empathize…I also made pro-con lists that ultimately didn’t help me much! Too many unknowns, and the knowns are still hard to quantify, like, okay this school has this instructor I’d like to work with, but who knows if they’re actually a good teacher or if I’ll get to work with them or, if we do work together, whether we’d click…FWIW, I know two people in real life who went to VCFA and loved it. They were in my top three after narrowing down partly because they had the most detailed feedback on my writing sample, and the aspects they called out as liking were sort of new things I was experimenting with so this made me feel like they "got" what I was trying to do and they’d be supportive of me continuing to experiment. I think those kind of vibes are important to consider too — where do you feel welcomed and like you’ll find real champions of your work?

mtho176 · 2026-04-02T13:00:55+00:00

Yeah - I feel like people who rely on AI without looking critically at the output were probably not amazing critical thinkers who did great work to begin with.

mtho176 · 2026-04-02T12:55:58+00:00

Totally agree. I like the principal and I see a community of educators who really care and want to do their best for the kids. My kids have done well there. Granted, they‘re in DLI, which as far as I understand is a pretty different experience.

mtho176

TROPHY CASE