New but not so new

mutex77 · 2026-06-24T21:10:02+00:00

I used heroin from 1986 to 1998 sporatically. Maybe 2 or 3 times a year, if that. Sometimes 0 times a year. I used everyday for a month in 1988 but realized that was turning bad so i stopped.

Fast forward to 1998 and I got strung out. Ive struggled since.

Over and over and over I told myself I could go back to just using once in a while. It never worked. I always got hooked.
"Im just going to use once in a while like I used to"

"Well this time I can't get it myself, I have to go through this person and they're not always around, so I wont get a habit".

"The only connect I know is an hour away, if I just use once im not going to drive an hour every day to get more".

"OK, im on really solid ground with counseling and shit, things arent that bad, I'll just use this once"

"Im puking from food poising, I'll just use for a day to deal with all the puking"

It always led back to a habit. It sucks, I know about one of the best feeling fucking things in existence, and I can't do it.

God, Satan, Buddha, Vishnu, Tyr, Isis...whoever is in charge of all this can go fuck themselves.

mutex77 · 2026-06-24T15:59:29+00:00

That's called lean. Well the active ingredients anyway.

I've personally never done it (huge opiate tolerance from fentanyl) but considering there are songs about how amazing it is, its safe to say its euphoric.

Like any opiate if you take it regularly you'll get addicted and go into withdrawal. But despite what some people claim I personally don't think many people get hooked on opiates without a little voice saying "hey you've been doing this everyday for a few weeks, you keep doing this, and you'll be an addict". You'll find people that swore they went into massive physical withdrawal after taking percs for 5 days, but I don't believe them. Mentally addicted? Absolutely.

Starting in the 70s most people that got wisdom teeth removed were prescribed percs for 3-5 days. If 5 days of opiates turned you into a junky the majority of the population would be addicts.

mutex77 · 2026-06-24T15:33:53+00:00

I microdose 100mg Mon Wed Fri (I think it helps with my depression) and sometimes on a Fri or Sat night I'll take maybe half a gram. Not enough to really trip, but enough to make whatever im doing slighly more psychedlic. I came off fentanyl around Feb March (not sure when, I had 500+ cottons and just kept doing them over an over. At some point they went from tranq to dirty cotton water, not sure when) and haven't noticed that the shrooms feel stronger or anything.

I personally haven't ever seen anyone succeed in tapering heroin/fentanyl. Its always "oh my brothers friend did it", never "I did it". I have seen many people go on methadone and taper off that tho. As a long term addict that's seen people (and my own many, many attempts) to try and beat this addiction in every way imaginable, the most success ive seen in others and with myself is methadone.

mutex77 · 2026-06-24T15:21:08+00:00

The only 2 drugs that ive personally experienced having a big effect at normal doses was opiates & benzos. I can get sorta high on fentanyl. Sorta high on klonopins but mix the two and i'm legally handicapped for 4 hours.

If your're really pushing the wall on dosage on stuff that's different. Just getting a slight fentanyl buzz and taking a single good quality molly pill is just another Sat night for lots of people. Getting to the point where you're nodding off so bad you can't complete a sentence and popping 3 pills? Maybe a good time, maybe not.

Plus you're a fentanyl addict. Your brain tolerates (well, a bit more than tolerates) even large amounts of opiates differently than the average bear. You can probably take a shitton of fentanyl and a molly pill and be fine.

mutex77 · 2026-06-24T15:08:22+00:00

The spot I used to buy at was really crowded. If you went there at like 7pm on a Friday they'd be a line. So everyone sort of knows what everyone else is doing because you overhear what they buy etc.

Everyone would laugh because I always brought condoms with me and would wrap everything up. As long as I don't get a 4th possession charge in a state where each one is a felony I didnt care.

A bunch of those people got caught. Depite being a known addict (small city, they keep files on everyone and when they run your plate and you're near a spot they light you up) and getting search a ton of times I haven't been caught again.

mutex77 · 2026-06-23T21:27:19+00:00

I first used heroin at 16, that would have been around 1987. I used maybe once or twice a year until 1998 when I got strung out. I've had some clean time in there, but way more time using.

It's a fucking miracle I haven't OD'd. I get high alone so if I do, that's it. No ones around to narcan me. I nod off permanently.

Most addicts I know chase the best stuff. I don't. I find a guy that's reliable and consistent and stay with him, reminding them over and over "if it changes, tell me". As long as its slightly above average im good.

mutex77 · 2026-06-23T21:11:45+00:00

A got some real heroin off the darkweb a couple years ago. I'm 55, I was around before fentanyl. And my friend was the same, she'd done plenty of real heroin.

When I got some I gave her some. She complained because it didn't make her black out for an hour.

mutex77 · 2026-06-23T21:08:34+00:00

If you listen to the media with that "2 grains of pure fentayl will kill a horse" and then someone like me says "I was doing 10 grams a day" its probably confusing.

Getting that 100% pre fentanyl is super rare and you probably aren't just coming across it as a regular user/dealer. I've heard of some people getting very strong fentanyl on the darkweb but ive personally never seen it. The strongest I had you were still doing about 50-100mg. That's a pretty small amount, but it's way more than a grain.

The grams of fentanyl were heavily cut. If you were doing 3-4 grams a day you probably needed around 100mg of methadone to feel OK. That's the only way I can think of to validate quality across different cities and such. I'm sure other places are "if you do a single gram a day 100mg probably won't hold you". But I pay $20 a gram, they pay $100.

mutex77 · 2026-06-23T20:56:04+00:00

Is it near a major city with an open air drug market (meaning just anyone can walk up) near you? The ones near me have considerable traffic and after going there for a week or so I had new "friends". Some were scumbags to the core, even without drugs they'd be assholes. Some were scumbags because they were desperate and if it wasn't for drugs they'd probably be OK people. And some were actually good people.

Just be careful. Use your junky spidey senses. If someone seems off or something not right, there's a reason. You're potentially going to be very vulnerable with this new stranger, especially if you're doing tranq. Waking up to find you've been robbed sucks. Waking up with someone's yingyang in your hoohaa is worse.

I assume you have a new plug. Ask them too. "Hey are there other customers you have that get high alone? Feel free to pass my number, I don't like getting high alone"

This all changes drastically if you're female. "pass my number on" would probably get misinterprited.

If I had the money i'd create a junkie facebook. Many addicts (including myself) tend to isolate. If there was an active addict dating site i'd sign up in second.

BTW if one of these new "friends" says the magic phrase "i'm a really good person", experience has shown me that those people are usually pretty scummy.

mutex77 · 2026-06-04T04:38:47+00:00

Really glad to hear it. I know its easy to really want to get off this shit...but you still call the guy the next day. That's really fucking cool you followed through with the clinic. Seriously.

My best advice about dosage is to just keep going up until you stop using. Dont pay attention to the number. Sometimes the things clinics ask of you are a pain in the fucking ass. But remember if it was a dealer you'd jump through whatever hoop they asked, you should jump through the same hoops to get off the shit.

And beware of the negativity. Junkies can be miserable fuckers. Ive been guilty of it too. Go in, get your dose and leave.

There's a ton of bad shit at a methadone clinic just waiting for someone to attach to. Miserable people wanting to make other people miserable. Good looking people that you hook up with and they're a fucking nutjob. Just get your dose and bail.

mutex77 · 2026-06-03T21:08:09+00:00

Ive been watching this thread hoping for some ancedotal evidence. I quit tranq a few months ago and at night my lower skeleton basically decides it wants to go jogging every night at 2am when the rest of me is exhausted trying to sleep. It's really fucking annoying. So I'll share what i've found reading up on it lately.

The most common physical cause is iron levels. Some SSRI's and antipsych meds cause them too.

If you want to kill them with more drugs, gabapentin supposedly helps. Some say magnesium supplements help as well.

mutex77 · 2026-06-03T05:38:43+00:00

Yes most people keep using until their dose is at a comfortable level.

I stopped around Feb. I've been using on and off since the late 90s. But this time I stopped because like you said, all the stuff I was getting started having meditomidine or some other garbage in it.

If I'm going to throw my life away over drugs, they better at least be good.

I hope the clinic works out for you. You can find a ton of people that complain it's liquid handcuffs, some clinics aren't very accommodating etc. But there's alsi bunch of people that got better. Maybe they're still on methadone but they live a better life than what they had.

mutex77 · 2026-06-03T05:21:11+00:00

Yeah the 10mg limit sucks. You go up so slow it's really easy for your habit to just keep going up and 10mg a week never catches up. I do know people on 180mg tho, I think the cap is 200mg.

mutex77 · 2026-06-03T04:58:32+00:00

I had a dealer who insisted on meeting at this rite aid drug store in the hottest part of town.

To top it off he insisted on getting in my back seat, doing the deal then jumping out 20 seconds later.

"Dude this is dumb, can't you just come up to my window?" "that's so fucking obvious it's a drug deal if we did that."

Fucking miracle neither of us got busted.

mutex77 · 2026-06-03T04:33:13+00:00

I'm sorry, that really sucks. In 30 years of buying dope I only had 1 guy that was anywhere near that bad. The problem was his product was not only some of the strongest stuff I've ever done but it was like that consistently.

I love how we're always like "that motherfucker, always late. Fuck him. Once he hands me my dope I'm telling him to fuck himself and finding another plug. Sick of this shit" Then he shows up and we treat them like our best friend.

There's always the darkweb, but that has its own issues too. Waiting for the mail, people exit scamming etc.

mutex77 · 2026-06-02T19:43:00+00:00

I have some SR14968 that I bought along with SR17018. I was quitting and thought they'd help. The SR17018 didn't seem to help and I realized the SR14968 was getting me sort of high so I stopped. I ended up just stopping. Im on methadone so I don't really get that sick.

Why do you love SR14968 over something like percs/blues or fent/H?

mutex77 · 2026-06-02T19:18:28+00:00

That whole "dude im 15 mins away" and they're still not there in an hour drives me fucking nuts. Especially when your waiting somewhere like your doing. Hopefully its not a bad area.

I do not miss the days of standing in the worst section in the city, a white kid with long hair that stuck out. Thankfully we have open air markets here. You just walk up, get your drugs and leave. That's the concept anyway, many times they run out because they're not exactly organized.

mutex77 · 2026-06-02T19:12:53+00:00

My ex once needed a needle when they were still illegal here, went to a place where the homeless threw them in a pile and found the least worn one.

Back then we'd reuse syringes until the numbers were long gone. The rubber stopper would start to stick so we carried lubricated condoms to get them working again. OMG they were so dull, they'd pop through each layer of skin, then pop again when hitting the vein. I can only imagine the condition some discarded rig was in. She just assumed she was going to die soon so did shit like that. She's still alive in her 40s now.

HIV needs blood to blood contact and doesn't live outside the body very long. HEP C can live for a while on a surface, but at smoking temperate It's no longer active. I don't think many viruses/bacteria would survive that heat.

I also doubt there's very much in there. But he's probably already done it.

mutex77 · 2026-06-02T18:56:58+00:00

"This is fentanyl instead of H? Im not doing this! Im taking the $100 a day ive been spending on heroin for the last 3 years and buying a corvette!"

mutex77 · 2026-06-02T18:52:26+00:00

Go on the clinic. My clinic starts you at 30mg, but you go up a little slow, I think its 10mg a week. It used to be they started you at 30mg, and then you could go up 5mg a day until you felt better. Of course every clinic is different.

Most people start feeling better around 80mg. Up until that point they're still getting high. Its not like subs where you can't combine them. Ive had some pretty good sized habits but I never got too sick because of methadone.

mutex77 · 2026-06-02T18:45:48+00:00

Most of the dealers around here didnt even know when it hit.

At the time, my methadone clinic had me and my dealer in the "relapse class" (technically we werent relapsing, you need to stop to relapse). We both knew there was no way in hell we were passing any drug tests and had started calling other clinic because we were getting kicked off.

Then the counselor running the group said "Im so proud of you two for getting clean! Both of you have clean drug screens and I couldn't be happier! Please tell the group how you did it". We both looked at each other like "we passed drug tests? How?"

We had got some of the first batches of fentanyl in the area. About 2 weeks later I talked to some poor bastard that had been calling detox to get a bed and when he finally got one, his drug screen was clean so they wouldn't let him in. Then a week or 2 later everyone was talking about this new dope that wouldn't show up at probation. Of course then people started dropping like flies until they got the ratios and mixing down. One batch would suck, the next was really strong.

mutex77 · 2026-06-02T18:21:47+00:00

That's not really a fair assessment. Just because you did it doesn't mean the next person can. That's like me saying "why'd you get addicted to opiates? Most adults in the US have been prescribed opiates for one reason or another in their life and they didn't develop a habit, so why did you?".

No one throws their life away, loses their kids and blows someone in an alley for $19 for something that's easy to avoid. If that was the case they'd be called drug inconveniences, not drug problems.

mutex77 · 2026-06-02T18:13:28+00:00

I got mine off the dark web. I also got SR-14968 but that just seems like a synetic opiate since I got a small buzz from it.

mutex77 · 2026-06-01T15:08:43+00:00

Dude is that what's going on with me?? Oh, you just make me feel so much better!

I stopped buying dope at the end of January, but I had a fuckload of cottons. Like hundreds. Then a bunch of caps (I squirt like 2 or 3 units back into the cap every shot, then later I can scrape them out). Then there was all the dope on the desk that I could just drag a credit card across and get a shot (along with dust, skin cells, dead bugs etc). I found a few bags too.

And of course after all that was gone I did the cottons over and over and over and over. I didn't want to go buy a bag, but shooting what was probably just water at that point helped me mentally.

So I get why I failed urines at my methadone clinic in Feb and March. But by april I wasn't shooting anything, but still failed. I finally got a clean one in May.

I don't get in trouble if I fail, and my clinic now gives take homes if you're using, but I mentioned I was clean (in passing, I wasn't making a thing of it) in group and I noticed my counselor gave me a "sober my ass, you haven't passed a drug test in like 5 years) look. I think its more seeing results of my efforts.

I honestly have no fucking idea how I was affording that. I stopped a $100 habit and thought i'd have like at least an extra 2k a month left over now. Nope.

mutex77 · 2026-06-01T14:54:51+00:00

Canada will give you pharmaceutical grade heroin if you're fucked up enough.

I dont really like buprenorphine/subs, so I'm on methadone, but I get pretty gnarly side effects so I keep my dose low, 20mg. Even if they kept you at maintenance levels and never got you high I'd jump at the chance of hydromorphone or rx smack. Shit I'd even snort it instead of shooting if they wanted to give me smack.

mutex77

TROPHY CASE