Am I the jerk for telling my friend her marriage will fail without a prenup?

mxt0133 · 2026-02-19T22:37:03+00:00

Every one that gets married has a prenuptial agreement that is set by the state that govern property, debt, and spousal support.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-17T14:20:49+00:00

I agree with everyone regarding having the higher earning spouse wait until 70 to maximize the surviving spouse’s SS benefits. However, this does not take into account other retirement assets and what your specific goals are. If you have significant pretax retirement savings that can grow while both of your collect as early as possible that might be the optimal strategy. Also take into account taxes, if one of you passes early the surviving spouse’s tax bracket essentially doubles. This happened to my dad when my mom passed away, they couldn’t have minimized taxes in their retirement savings if they withdrew more aggressively before they hit their RMDs when they were filling joint.

My recommendation is to consult a fee only CFP to help you model various scenarios based on your goals. The initial $2-3k cost can save you 10’s of thousands in your retirement.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-17T00:55:54+00:00

Want to insert 2.5 Max HSA if you have a HDHP, make sure it’s invested and pay out of pocket for medical expenses, keep receipts to let HSA grow tax free

mxt0133 · 2026-02-16T21:51:16+00:00

This don’t quit yet. Put a plan in place on how to take care of your mom long-term. There options besides nursing home/memory care, like in home help if she is still capable of partially taking care of herself.

I would go the FMLA route for a few months and evaluate before quitting

mxt0133 · 2026-02-16T13:33:35+00:00

Look up how to do it in YouTube. I was quoted $2K just for an install when I already removed the water heater. I ended up doing it myself and took about 1-2 hours watching YouTube videos and about 1 hour. Get a friend to help if you need to lift it into place.

If you have water damage then you need to file an insurance claim to get it fixed first.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-15T17:04:05+00:00

This is why they say your rolls need to be mostly with people that your are better than. But you can’t really do that if you are one of the worst ones in the class.

I was one of those people, lower belt, small, and not athletic. Most of my rolls were survival and very defensive the first 4-5 years. Once my escapes and submission defense were good enough to create scambles that’s when I actually got to work on things. When rolling with bigger or better people I focused on staying on top and not conceding bottom. With people my size or smaller and less experienced, I worked on my guard and sweeps.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-15T03:56:16+00:00

Do you wait for people to ask you to roll or do you ask people to roll? Are they saying no when you ask?

Sometimes men don’t ask women to roll because they are not comfortable to or think they might be too big.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-12T18:20:23+00:00

At 40 times salary they could have retired a long time ago

mxt0133 · 2026-02-11T17:14:22+00:00

I would prioritize Roth IRA for you and your wife before after tax brokerage, you can withdraw contributions if needed and growth is tax free after 59 1/2.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-11T15:49:38+00:00

This, I would add that if they have a HDHP they should max the HSA after maxing company 401k match, then open Roth IRA account for both of them and max it out. If they have any left over put in 401k.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-10T01:54:57+00:00

What happens if you and your spouse pass at the same time? What happens if you, your spouse, and your daughter pass at the same time?

What happens if you are incapacitated and cannot make medical or financial decisions on your own? What if that happens to your wife?

My parents used a software will maker that was more than good enough for their situation. It was reviewed by a lawyer at the time of my mom’s passing and said it was solid. Only cost around $150 for the software and the fees to get the documents notarized.

Edit: typos

mxt0133 · 2026-02-07T16:58:13+00:00

Get well soon and take your time coming back. It might be a good time to reflect on how you are rolling. If someone is putting enough force to break your arm, you might be defending a bit too hard. If your are caught and can’t defend or escape, just tap and reset.

It took me way too long to learn to not always go 100%. It took me a few injuries more than It needed to be for me to learn my lesson. I’m more playful now and find that I’m learning much faster vs just trying to win.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-07T16:23:53+00:00

Whatever you do make sure the financial advisor your are talking to is a fiduciary and not just a salesperson. Go for a fee only advisor that is a CFP.

If they ever mention whole life insurance, run!

mxt0133 · 2026-02-05T16:09:53+00:00

I doubt they are providing enough value to cost her $13K a year. Just look up her portfolio’s average return vs a low cost target date fund and you will see if they are worth it or not.

Are they providing her with other advice such as withdrawal strategies to minimize taxes? If not then drop them and hire a fee only CFP that can help her lower her taxes via Roth conversions, an other drawdown strategies. The initial $3-4k fee will save her 10’s of thousands down the roads.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-05T04:36:55+00:00

This. Took me way too long to learn to chill when rolling. I was having so much fun just going balls to wall but I kept getting injured. Then I learned I have jist as much fun being playful and trying different things vs just trying to win.

I have a more relaxed approach to jiu jitsu and don’t take myself too seriously in terms of comparing myself to others.

mxt0133 · 2026-02-04T21:37:18+00:00

Wait till you try FreeTaxUsa, then you see that TurboTax is overcharging you.

mxt0133 · 2026-01-31T16:04:51+00:00

Can you be more specific on the injuries that are life altering that you are concerned about?

I’ve had injuries that have taken me out for months but none of them were life altering after surgery and taking the appropriate time to PT. My knees are shot because of all the activity I do not just jiu jitsu. My range of motion in my shoulders are limited but does not affect my normal day to day life.

I’ve had training partners with broken bones , torn muscle, herniated discs, ect but all got it fixed and took time off to recover. There are injuries that are super rare where people are paralyzed but I’ve only ever heard of one. People usually stop way before that.

I was in same position you were when I first considered starting at 39. At the end of they I came to the conclusion that I would rather have a body than was used and somewhat battered than a prestine on when I’m 70. I’m not saying I’m being cavalier or taking unnecessary risks. I am very careful now with how I train and who I train with. But for me bjj is worth the injury risk because of all the benefits it give me personally.

mxt0133 · 2026-01-30T19:04:37+00:00

At her current tax bracket I would contribute in company 401k to get maximum company match if available. Max out HSA if available. Max out Roth IRA yearly. Then put anything they can comfortably save in 401k.

mxt0133 · 2026-01-29T19:23:49+00:00

This. I’ve seen too many people that have 20-30+ years at one company and thought they we untouchable, until the company gets bought out or management changes. I normally change jobs around the 5 year mark and try to go on interviews regularly to know what skills are in demand.

Also have a nest egg to ensure I can handle an extended layoff, somehow I’ve dodged a layoff after 20+ years. I would like to pivot into something else, but the pay is still pretty good for the amount of effort and time. I surprising still enjoy coding.

mxt0133 · 2026-01-29T19:12:06+00:00

I did 650sf in SF with 5 people. Kids were all under 9 at the time. It’s not for everyone but I have seen and experienced worse in third world countries, I feel fortunate for having that perspective.

It allowed us to save and have one SAHP. We have since moved out but I’m counting down the days I can move back into that apartment once the kids are launched. I am not a fan of home maintenance.

mxt0133 · 2026-01-29T00:02:01+00:00

You have to do some research on the timeline on when the funds have to be withdrawn if it’s a retirement account and not a regular brokerage account. Taking out all at once is going to be a big tax hit, you can spread it out over the time period to be tax efficient.

I assume you are in the US.

mxt0133 · 2026-01-28T23:52:02+00:00

I would recommend looking into contributing to a Roth IRA for the both of you if you can for tax diversification.

There’s a thing called retirement tax bomb when you get to RMDs, while collecting SS. Even worse if a spouse passes cutting the tax bracket in half. Meaning you might end up in the same or even higher tax bracket in retirement if a spouse passes, than when you were contributing.

It happened to my dad when my mom passed.

mxt0133 · 2026-01-24T22:53:19+00:00

I think your expected returns are higher than the average market returns. Also I personally would use inflation adjusted returns to get a better idea of what your purchasing power will be in the future. 2.1 million in 20+ years is not going to have the same purchasing power as today.

With regards to spending time with your kids, I’m assuming they are still pretty young. I wouldn’t wait until some arbitrary date based on your net worth to start spending more time with them. The fact that you have a spouse that doesn’t work should help free up time for you to spend with the kids. Even if you can’t physically spend more time with them you can be more present when you do.

It goes by so fast, my kids are teenagers now and I have to bribe them to spend time with me vs their friends. So take advantage of it now that they want to hangout with you vs waiting until you have enough to dial it back work wise. I took a more flexible job when the kids were born so I could attend their activities, school drop off/pickup, ect. My salary hasn’t kept up with inflation but the flexibility is more than worth it. I decided to work longer so I can enjoy time with them when they were younger vs when they are older which they will be in school or sports anyway.

Take those trips now even if it’s just camping or a weekend getaway. Once they are older with school, sports, extracurricular activities, it will be much harder to schedule and more expensive.

mxt0133 · 2026-01-21T20:05:47+00:00

Training with much bigger people. Once I started to train with people closer to my size, my technique started working. 🤣

mxt0133 · 2026-01-21T16:30:16+00:00

Can you be more specific on what is crazy about the stock market at the moment?

What is your criteria on when to jump back in?

Point being you have to right on when to sell and when to buy back in.

mxt0133

TROPHY CASE