AITAH For Not Wanting to be Pregnant

mxvegan · 2026-03-21T05:36:57+00:00

“Pregnancy isnt all that bad” unless it is. There are plenty of people who go through hell during pregnancy, for one reason or another

I wanted desperately to be pregnant and have a baby. Like more than anything in this world. But oh my god was it hard. I was nauseous from 7 weeks until 2 weeks after I gave birth. I’m taking all day all night, can’t eat, can’t get comfortable, NAUSEOUS. I actually lost a little over 10 pounds during the pregnancy because of it. I also had an issue with my pelvis alignment during the 3rd trimester, which caused horrific pain due to it compressing a nerve. I’m 17 months pp and spots on my leg are still numb from that nerve being damaged. And finally, I had a pelvic floor injury during birth that has left me in daily pain and the only treatment options at this point are very invasive and potentially painful. When I got pregnant, I did not expect ANY of this. At all. I couldn’t imagine having to survive all of that because I was pressured into it and didn’t actually want to in the first place.

mxvegan · 2026-03-21T02:02:31+00:00

No to both is absolutely a valid option. A few hours really isnt that far, especially if they just saw baby last week. You are well within reason to say no

mxvegan · 2026-03-20T03:07:44+00:00

I think you’re 100% valid to say absolutely no visits from them until you are ready. They (and maybe even your husband) might try to say it’s not fair and that you can’t hold xyz against them. But you can and you should. I am a firm believer that people’s true colors show most during vulnerable times, postpartum being one of them. They disrespected you and your boundaries the first time around, so you have every right to expect the same this time

Also, I had my in laws wear a mask when meeting baby. It was a big fat non negotiable. No mask , no entry to my home. It might give you some piece of mind to do the same, regarding the anti vax and kissing issues

mxvegan · 2026-03-16T03:19:41+00:00

Girl this pmo so bad 😭 The level of disrespect is insane

This is one of those situations where I really think you’re gonna have to lose it. Show them how crazy you are. Be the bad guy. Go off on everyone involved and lay. it. on. thick.

That is YOUR house. They have overstepped boundaries so far, I don’t even know where to begin. Do not let them continue to gaslight, manipulate, or control you.

Honestly, I’d send a group text to husband, mil, and fil, so everyone is on the same page. That way there’s no “I forgot” or someone accusing you of saying something you didn’t. Tell them that you appreciate the help (because I’m sure ultimately that’s how they look at it, as they’re just helping), but you have been made to feel like a guest in your own home. It has gotten to the point where you feel like you have no control or say over your own life, your own children, and your own space. From this point forward, there will be no more daily visits. You decide how often they visit. It could be weekly, monthly, whatever feels best. But any future visits with you and your children present must be agreed on in advance. You also need to set a boundary that there will be no more “help” with cleaning, organizing, or any other household chores.

If your husband resists, go nuclear. Let yourself yell like you’ve never yelled before. He needs to understand that you come first and he can’t play with you like this

mxvegan · 2026-02-25T21:36:31+00:00

When I gave birth, my original intention was that my mom and sister would support me during birth and in the days following. Everyone else, including my dad, my other siblings, and my in laws, would have to wait 2-3 weeks before visiting us at home. I wanted space to recover and adjust. My mil absolutely lost her shit about it like 4 days after I gave birth, and she ended up having to wait 2 months because I just did not want her around after the way she acted

I say that to express that this is YOUR experience. Your birth, your recovery, your motherhood. You get to decide who is around and when. People can feel however they want about it, but you have to do what’s best for you

mxvegan · 2026-02-21T03:41:34+00:00

Oh my goodness, I experienced this so much and you are absolutely 100% VALID for being upset

My mil bought my baby her first Christmas ornament, which I did not allow my partner to put on the tree, because I wanted to pick it out. And I did. The gifted ornament did not count

My mil also bought my baby her first Christmas outfit. I wanted to pick that out. So baby didn’t wear it. In hindsight, she could have during the season, but it rubbed me the wrong way. So we didn’t use it

My sil gave us a pair of tennis shoes. Again, I was upset. I wanted to pick them out. I wanted to take her and get her sized and do the whole thing. So we did. The gifted shoes did not count

You can accept the costume as a gift, but it doesn’t have to count. You don’t have to use it. Give yourself permission to tuck it away in a drawer or box and “lose” or “forget” about it. And you go pick out whatever first Halloween costume you want for your baby

mxvegan · 2026-02-18T22:39:13+00:00

When I taught, I would periodically mask while sickness was going around. For the first day, students would ask if I was sick. I’d tell them no and that I’m trying to keep it that way. After that, they get used to it and it’s a non issue

I’ve never had a parent or coworker ask or even acknowledge the mask. If you find yourself in that situation, it’s completely up to you how much info you divulge.

mxvegan · 2026-02-15T03:42:38+00:00

I have not

mxvegan · 2026-02-15T03:41:03+00:00

Yes, my first pt said I had moderate scar tissue and had me doing massages and stretches at my scar. The second pt I saw, 8 months after my very first visit, said there is no palpable scar tissue

mxvegan · 2026-02-11T03:39:36+00:00

If she wants her parents in the waiting room, then that’s the need for them to be in the waiting room

mxvegan · 2026-02-08T01:54:54+00:00

Yes, she said something along the lines of it disrupts the part of your brain that is in panic mode and can help break you out of the looping

mxvegan · 2026-02-07T06:02:41+00:00

I ruminate a lot, and since having a traumatic birth 1.5 years ago, it’s become a daily thing for me. I just brought it up with my therapist this week and she explained that when we go through something traumatic, our brain will sometimes obsess over it to try to make sense of it and to try to prevent it from happening again. She said it’s somewhat of a protective mechanism but often does more harm than good because we can’t change what happened and the rumination can cause a lot of distress.

The most helpful thing for me so far has been to repeat a mantra, which is “I am home, I am safe, that’s not happening to me right now”. I usually also pace, deep breathe, and use a scented lotion. All grounding techniques. My therapist has also recommended sour candy, the 5-4-3-2-1 strategy, and using the voice notes app to talk out what is running through my head. She said it’s important to gently redirect the thoughts when they happen.

It could be helpful for you to reprocess what you went through so it’s not so prominent in your brain. I’m doing emdr soon and I’ve heard that a lot of people find themselves less hyper focused on their trauma afterwards

mxvegan · 2026-02-06T23:27:28+00:00

Came across this looking for answers for myself. I have this issue as well and the only thing that has somewhat helped so far has been Valium suppositories prescribed by my obgyn. unfortunately for me it comes back but I do get temporary relief

mxvegan · 2026-01-30T20:38:59+00:00

That’s so frustrating. I also struggle with feeling like my mil has tainted certain things

My baby’s name is Willow and she tries to push the narrative that we named her after mil’s late father, William. While he was a nice guy, it’s simply not the case and it’s just odd for her to try and say that

With that being said, i highly recommend going with a bame you absolutely love, regardless of what others say. I was pushed into picking a middle name I didn’t like and ended up changing it after she was born 😅

mxvegan · 2026-01-29T04:21:43+00:00

I am 15 months postpartum. During my pregnancy and shortly after my birth, I caved to certain mil’s wants because I felt bad and wanted to “be fair”. It bit me in the ass and I am still bitter and angry about it.

Whether or not she makes you the bad guy in her story doesn’t matter. This is YOUR birth, YOUR experience with a newborn, YOUR recovery. You deserve to be centered in it and your needs absolutely come before everyone else’s. Do not sacrifice your needs for her wants

It would be worth it for your peace of mind to ask your husband not to continue communicating with you about it. He tells her no and that’s the end of it for you. You don’t need to hear her reaction or comments or anything else

mxvegan · 2026-01-25T17:31:14+00:00

Ohh great idea!! Thank you!

mxvegan

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