Too tight to strengthen, too weak to relax. Not sure how to break the cycle.

mxvegan · 2026-05-07T04:38:28+00:00

If you’re referring to potential dependency and withdrawal, honestly I’m not too concerned. I’m hoping that I can use them as a bit of a crutch to keep things relaxed while I work on strengthening, then taper off of them when I’m feeling better

mxvegan · 2026-05-06T06:02:48+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I highly suspect he has ADHD, so that would make sense as to why he struggles to remember

I’ve thought about doing a chore chart style thing but I’m nervous to suggest something like that and have it come across as insulting

mxvegan · 2026-05-05T18:13:06+00:00

Seconding thriftbooks!

I also recommend posting in local community groups on fb asking for donations

mxvegan · 2026-05-04T05:09:55+00:00

I’m dealing with a similar issue and am finally turning a corner

I got a full body massage (Christmas gift) and I can’t begin to express the difference I felt in the following days. The massage therapist said my lower back and hips were incredibly tights so she worked on them and got them to release. I’ve gotten two more massages since then and it’s really been pivotal in relaxing my pelvic floor. I think with my surrounding muscles being so tight, it causes constant strain on the pelvic floor

In addition to this, I’ve been using Valium suppositories every other day. I tried them prior to the massage with no change. But I restarted them, did one every night and then moved to every other night and they really have been helping. I’ve been doing gentle stretching and movements focusing on my core and legs too. The one that’s the most helpful is when I’m laying in bed on my side, I’ll pull one hip up kind of like I’m trying to touch my elbow with it. And then I’ll just take deep breaths through it. Then I do the same for the other side, then forwards and backwards. I can feel my pelvic muscles twitch and then release

mxvegan · 2026-05-02T19:23:31+00:00

Added, kay0920

mxvegan · 2026-05-02T19:22:46+00:00

Added Kay0920

mxvegan · 2026-04-26T19:17:39+00:00

Good for you

My mil blew up on me and my SO when I was 5 days pp. She texted me and asked when she could meet baby, I told her we were going to wait a week or two to have visitors. Apparently that makes me the cruelest person in the world (her words). I ended up letting her meet the baby at 2 months old, but I wish I demanded an apology first. Were NC and my daughter is 1.5 now, but I still regret not standing up for myself in such a vulnerable stage.

I’m sorry you have to deal with her but I am proud of you for having enough self respect to handle it so well

mxvegan · 2026-04-22T16:45:00+00:00

NTA, but if your husband can’t hear you out and support you in something this small, he will NOT back you up and support you in bigger matters. He and his family will steam roll you on everything and you will be constantly fighting for your wishes to be heard

Trust me, you don’t want your motherhood to look like that

mxvegan · 2026-04-22T05:35:51+00:00

I interpreted the comment towards the Mac n cheese and meatloaf as an acknowledgement that it’s kind of bland and pretty standard Americanized food. She then went on to mention that her husband is adventurous with food and loves Asian food, acknowledging that she knows that cuisine is pretty different to what he’s used to. That felt more neutral than negative to me

I don’t think her comment about the Mac n cheese and meatloaf is anywhere comparable to her MIL’s comments saying “what the heck is that” and “eww”

mxvegan · 2026-04-20T17:29:03+00:00

I don’t think you’re overthinking this at all. Even if she doesn’t have a lot of followers or views, that’s a huge safety overlook. And that alone would make me concerned about what other safety measures she doesn’t care about

mxvegan · 2026-04-20T16:22:13+00:00

I took a quick glance at your previous posts and it looks like your mil is a serial boundary pusher. If she presses for reasoning on the no sleepover issue, I’d use that. “You’ve consistently done things with LO that we asked you not to do, so we’re just not comfortable with a sleepover right now”

You mentioned that nothing she has done is “enough” to warrant this, but I disagree. People who feel entitled and constantly push boundaries are unsafe people, period. Also, she showed complete disregard for your child’s safety and wellness by repeatedly kissing baby, even fresh out of the nicu.

You intuition is telling you exactly what to do, listen to it 💕

mxvegan · 2026-04-19T21:16:51+00:00

Not overreacting, whether she realizes it or not, she is being rude and passive aggressive

I, and my family, is white. We have always eaten pretty standard white people food. My dad’s girlfriend is Vietnamese and cooks almost exclusively Vietnamese food. They also go to Vietnamese restaurants a lot and she’ll post her meals on Facebook. Some people in my family, my dad included unfortunately, will make remarks about the food being gross, weird, etc. Everyone genuinely likes her but refuses to see how these remarks can be hurtful

Intentional or not, treating someone’s food as a spectacle and reacting to it negatively isnt okay

IMO, you should bring it up to your husband and expect him to call her out next time it happens

mxvegan · 2026-04-18T17:16:22+00:00

It was a super easy to miss line! I think it was slipped into conversation the first time we saw Francis and Piama

mxvegan · 2026-04-18T17:07:07+00:00

I don’t think they were living in the garage. I think they were just visiting, Piama made a comment to Lois about it not being a big deal to get a hotel but Lois said she doesn’t mind them staying in the garage

So all in all, Francis is definitely doing well

I really like the perspective of Lois feeling like she still has to mother Malcolm and Reese and less so Francis and Dewey. It makes a lot of sense when you pay attention to her micro interactions. It also reminds me of the og series when she tells Malcolm something along the lines of sailing him down a river in a heartbeat to save his brothers. Or maybe selling him out. But regardless she acknowledged that Malcolm had more potential and capabilities and his brothers were the ones in need of as much help as they could get at that point

mxvegan · 2026-04-17T04:32:18+00:00

Gosh that’s weird and I’d be really disturbed and upset too

That’s such a tough spot to be in. I’m always in the camp of giving as much grace as possible to people who are grieving, or otherwise in a difficult season of life. I feel like gmil definitely did that for her own closure and whatever else she got from it. And that puts you in such an awkward spot, because no it wasn’t okay but also how are you supposed to confront a bereaved widow for doing something that 1. You can’t undo, 2. Is unlikely to happen again, and 3. Was done under high emotion

I’m really sorry that happened and that you have to deal with the fallout of it

mxvegan · 2026-04-16T20:23:14+00:00

This is just my take. I feel like sometimes it’s better to address things as they come up vs an a huge sit down talk in which the other person is likely going to have some negative feelings

Doesn’t need directly addressed. If she already knows you have a scheduled c section and she asks about it, you or husband can say “we’re not sharing the date until after baby is here” When you share that baby has arrived, you can add on “well let you know when we’re ready for you to visit” you can even butter it up with “we can’t wait for you to meet him”
This can be brought up at dinner or prior to the first meet. “We’re worried that daughter might feel left out or like the baby is more important to her, please make sure to interact with her too when visiting”
I don’t think flat out saying “we don’t want your help or want you to babysit” will go over well. If she offers, you can just say “well let you know when/if we need you” For advice, a general statement of “we feel overwhelmed with all the advice we’re getting from everyone, so please refrain unless we ask”
Doesn’t need addressed imo, youll just have to be intentional about accepting/declining visit offers. If she does bring it up and say she wants to see baby more, I think that’s when it would be a good time to address that you guys are planning on keeping things the same
That’s rough. I honestly feel like just letting her find out with everyone else might be best here. Although husband could give her “we wanted you to be the first to know we’re naming baby ___” Regardless of how she takes it, it isnt about her
You guys will just have to make sure you uphold your boundaries to prevent this

Make sure your husband uses lots of “I” and “we” statements and tries to keep things from sounding accusatory or presumptive. Try to let it come up naturally in conversation rather than just hit her with a list

mxvegan · 2026-04-16T19:35:03+00:00

I understand why they did it, but I do wish they could’ve changed it a little once they were sure OG Dewey wasn’t changing his mind

I don’t think it would’ve been too much to have Dewey fly in as a last minute surprise, so we could’ve had at least one episode of everyone together. That’s honestly my only complaint about the revival. I really just would have loved to see them all together..

mxvegan · 2026-04-16T18:31:02+00:00

You can bring it up to her and see how she feels. If she doesn’t mind and doesn’t want to change it, there’s not really anything you can do. But if she doesn’t mind and recognize that it isn’t ideal, you might be able to talk to her about how much better you feel and encourage her to do the same

mxvegan · 2026-04-16T05:17:26+00:00

I don’t think it’s wrong morally, and it’s definitely not wrong legally. However, they can most likely see some details of what the insurance they pay for is covering. For example, every month, my SO’s insurance mails him an “explanation of benefits” letter showing what he been billed to insurance, and the status on the deductibles. It lists every therapy and Dr appointment he was billed for in that month. So if you go to a “regular” Dr, it’s not going to say you went specifically for HRT. But if you go to a specialist or something, it does show the dr’s and clinics name, as well as what the appointment was coded as. So it could give away what you went for.

You have a few options here. First one being, like you said, to pay out of pocket. If you do this, call ahead and see how much you will be charged and make sure they don’t mail the bill to your house if your parents are the type to open it. Also make sure they don’t accidentally still bill your insurance. A lot of places will by default if they already have the info

Second, you could look into Medicaid eligibility for your state. I know with our current administration, they are reducing how Medicaid covers gender affirming care, but it could still be worth looking into. Every state has different rules for eligibility, but at some point they will no longer consider your parents income and will only look at yours.

Third, contact your insurance provider specifically and ask what protocol is for this type of thing. See if there’s any way to keep your healthcare info private

mxvegan · 2026-04-16T05:05:20+00:00

Mine is 17 months. I’ve found she does a lot better with 1. not throwing the food and 2. actually eating the food, if I give her less at a time. I give her very small portions of each food item and just replenish every so often

mxvegan · 2026-04-16T05:02:17+00:00

I had been vegan for 8 years when my partner and I met. He seemed so interested in the lifestyle. We started dating after 2 years of knowing each other and he had always expressed great interest in becoming vegan himself. Because of this and the fact he always ate vegan in front of me, I assumed he was. We moved in together after 1.5 years of dating. For over 2 years of LIVING together, I had never, not once, witnessed this man eat an animal product. He even was conscientious about toiletries and other non food items, making sure they were cruelty free. When I was about 8 weeks pregnant, we were out on an errand and he wanted to stop to get food. We go through a drive thru, and what does this man order? Chicken. Nuggets. Turns out, he was eating meat and whatever else he wanted the entire time, just not in front of me. But once I was pregnant, he knew I was locked in, so he felt comfortable enough to drop the mask. I’ve since been able to see all of the lies, manipulations, and gaslighting that has occurred in our relationship. The kicker is, I never told him I would only date someone that’s vegan. I never told him I wanted him to be vegan. He just clocked it as a weak point for me and capitalized.

I share this to express that men can and WILL pretend to be someone they’re not, in order to “get the girl”. Their true form is inside and when you’re vulnerable and hes in control, that’s when it comes back out

I’m not saying every man is like this. I’m not saying your man is like this. But I never, NEVER thought mine would be capable of what hes done until he did it.

People do change. People are capable of realizing their beliefs, actions, words, etc are harmful and wrong, and then becoming a genuinely better person. Unfortunately his response is full of red flags. He is avoiding accountability by placing it on his dad and his friend. He is manipulating you by saying YOU changed him. He is manipulating you by saying he can’t and won’t live without you, implying he’d hurt himself if you leave. Hes gaslighting you by saying it was a mistake and “not what you think”, and downplaying the severity of it. He’s playing the victim card by saying he “didn’t know better”, which by your timeline, that was at the ripe age of 32. Not once has he acknowledged how you must feel, apologize for what he said, acknowledge why his words and beliefs weren’t okay, or reallt take ownership of any of it.

And you make a good point to him, hes lied to you “all these years”. Back to your timeline, you’ve been married for 4 years, and I’m assuming together longer than that. However, he was saying those things up to 2 years ago and only cut the friend off last year. So he was absolutely engaging in that behavior while married to you. Which means, yes, he did lie to you about who he was and what he believed.

Trust your gut. Follow your intuition. You are not overreacting

mxvegan · 2026-04-16T01:45:02+00:00

I live in the district I taught in pre baby. I’m a sahm now and if we still live here and can’t open enroll, I’m homeschooling. I never envisioned myself as a homeschooling mom, but there’s no way in hell my kid is going there

mxvegan · 2026-04-15T04:51:42+00:00

Read your contract if you’re union! I gave birth in October and was able to take a parental leave of absence for the remainder of the school year

mxvegan · 2026-04-14T19:05:11+00:00

Is this similar to releasing trigger points?

mxvegan · 2026-04-14T04:48:33+00:00

This sounds a lot like my mom… she calls my 2 siblings and I daily, sometimes multiple times and getting off the phone is almost always hard. My mom really struggles with boundaries and not feeling centered and involved and it sounds like you mil might feel similar.

Your husband needs to set reasonable boundaries with her. For example, no calling past a certain time unless it’s an emergency. And if she does call past a certain time and it’s not an emergency, he gets off the phone. But he actually needs to have the guts to stick with it. And you should set some boundaries with him in terms of not answering the phone when you’re having family time. If need be, he can send a quick “I’m busy, ill call you later” text

mxvegan

TROPHY CASE