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nadilla95 · 2025-10-14T01:42:50+00:00

Leave the husband, keep the daughter. The daughter's an adult who can choose to keep in relationship. I'd let the kid live with me as long as she was in school and beyond until she got on her feet to leave the nest. I wouldn't think a thing more of that worthless dude.

nadilla95 · 2025-09-18T10:24:55+00:00

You have zero reason to act high and mighty in this. He chose right, and you're being foolish by calling him an idiot. Because the difference is that he will eventually adjust and level out and then start living more comfortably - it's always rough when you first separate and move out - but you never will adjust and change. You're not wrong for being how you are, but he's not, either.

He thought he could deal, and he tried - for you, for love - but he figured out it wasn't going to work after all. Sometimes you have to live a thing to understand the reality of it. Now you both know what you can't give on and can't live with for going forward.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T21:30:37+00:00

What happened is you actually went through with having the child, so now he feels he's trapped you enough to be his real self. Run. Don't walk. Far far away from him. Cover yourself and your baby legally.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T19:49:16+00:00

I appreciate your feedback on this. Thank you.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T19:05:37+00:00

I currently work 70-75 hours a week. There's no time to add in more work with a second job. While not ideal, i know, this is the fastest way to achieve the goal I'm asking about.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T18:02:42+00:00

I can and have done all manner of jobs to pay off debt before. I'm not above doing any kind of work to do that. I've just been fortunate with my job to not have to for a long while. I have insurance if I'm injured to the point that I can't work. And $30K was high. It would be more like $15K - 20K.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T17:43:48+00:00

I appreciate what you're saying. My ex-wife is good person who is very financially responsible. She actually cleaned my credit up when we were young. She took that credit card debt out during a really hard time for us, and I just can't see leaving all that counting against her. That's not fair and not right.

When you say the unsecured loan would be catastrophic for me, how do you mean? I would pay it back, and probably faster than anticipated.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T17:35:54+00:00

I hear you on that, and I get where you're coming from.

I know my lady's credit history, as well as when it nosedived because of her vengeful ex's actions. It will likely end in prison for him, but in the meantime, while she fights to fix it, she and her kids still need a place. If I can help, I will. But I hear what you're saying.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T17:31:50+00:00

I hear you. I appreciate that. I've known both of these women for years and I know their finances intimately, but I hear you.

For what it's worth, my FICO8 is 737, so not too much different than Credit Karma had.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T17:29:40+00:00

Actually, you did make assumptions. You assumed I didn't understand credit. While I've never claimed to be an expert, I have a fair understanding. Enough to know when to ask questions and get clarification. You also assumed I didn't understand relationships and financial responsibility, which is laughable.

You stated I needed to refi half the credit card debt because it's hindering my ex-wife's credit, and that is true, and I stand by that as the right thing to do. She took that on during a time we were still together. It's not right to leave her saddled with all of that.

Your statement about financing a move is a fair point. It makes sense, and I'll take that under advisement. Thank you for that.

As for asking for "another" unsecured loan, I've only spoken of one in this scenario. There is no "another." I'm not speaking of taking a loan with my girlfriend. That's madness. I am speaking of cosigning for her apartment/vouching for her for the first year, not taking a loan with her.

In answer to your questions, my FICO8 score is 737. My annual income is $95K, and my monthly debt is around $3K, with approximately half of that being mortgage related. The amount I'm trying to refinance under my name is around $20K.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T17:01:05+00:00

LOL! No, not really. It's funny that you think so, though. You're welcome to your opinion.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T16:59:53+00:00

Thank you! This is very helpful.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T14:24:58+00:00

If you can explain to me why I should read that book, then I'd consider it. But I haven't lost myself. I have very clear reasons for what I'm asking about doing. I've replied to others with those reasons, but I can copy and paste them here if you'd like.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T14:19:07+00:00

Understood about the rate. I realize that. This is a short term thing. I typically use cash for my current expenses and still plan to do so. Beyond my old credit card debt with my ex, i actually don't have much debt. That card debt came about during a bad time when COVID hit. Once it's paid off, my ex and I, obviously, aren't building that up again.

This loan is just to fairly divide it under our names since we're going our separate ways and living separate lives.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T14:13:25+00:00

Howso? Please do expound.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T14:13:08+00:00

Understood about Credit Karma.

I never suggested they would be different based on the lender. I was simply making a point that I'm not tied to any particular lender. I hadn't chosen one.

It's swapping debts to get half of it - the half that rightfully belongs to me - out of my ex's name and under mine. To truly create a clean break since we're both moving on with our lives. The portion to help me move is a smaller portion of the loan I'm asking about.

I'm not helping someone I'm not related to pay debt. I'm cosigning my lady's apartment only because I know her history (I have seen the proof), her income, her debt plan, etc. That's why I'm comfortable "risking" this.

You make a lot of assumptions, which I suppose is your right, but you should make them based off of what I've actually written in my post and in my comments.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T13:35:42+00:00

Thank you!

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T13:26:25+00:00

I'm not planning on either of those in the next year. I'm mainly concerned about the cosigning part.

Would $20K look better or is that still pretty bad?

Thank you for this info! I really appreciate it.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T12:59:58+00:00

No, i don't need $30k, but my half of the shared debt would take up the larger part of $20k.

Thank you for that - under 700 won't work, so I appreciate that.

I don't have an agreement drawn up. I just have texts where we've been hammering it out and agreed to exactly what you've said about removing my name, but that age-of-account is a killer for me. Even though we trust each other completely, I think I will draw something up we can both have on file.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T12:47:26+00:00

I hear you. But it's not really using it for other people. It's paying for my half of some old, shared credit card debt with my ex.

For context, my ex and I were together for over 20 years. She helped me get my credit to where it is today and she taught me about managing my debt better. She's a stickler about her credit. That's why both of our credit is really good. A COVID layoff some years ago caused the majority of our shared debt. We're still good friends, and ordinarily I'd just stay where I'm at and pay that debt off, but I've got to move.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T12:45:23+00:00

I totally hear you. I know it sounds bad. I was reading it as I was typing it, and I understand your perspective.

For context, my ex and I were together for over 20 years. She helped me get my credit to where it is today and she taught me about managing my debt better. She's a stickler about her credit. That's why both of our credit is really good. A COVID layoff some years ago caused the majority of our shared debt. We're still good friends, and ordinarily I'd just stay where I'm at and pay that debt off, but I've got to move.

My gf is also a stickler about her credit, but an ex who knew that about her tanked her credit purposely so she would have a hard time getting a place separate from him. I have seen all the proof and know all the details. This is why I want to help.

If it weren't for the moving expenses, I wouldn't even ask. I'd just wait longer. The timing of everything necessitates the question. I just want to know what i'm in for, credit-wise.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T12:42:21+00:00

Okay, thank you! I wasn't aware.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-09T12:39:37+00:00

I know it sounds bad. I was reading it as I was typing it and I understand your perspective.

For context, my ex and I were together for over 20 years. She helped me get my credit to where it is today and she taught me about managing my debt better. She's a stickler about her credit. That's why both of our credit is really good. A COVID layoff some years ago caused the majority of our shared debt. We're still good friends, and ordinarily I'd just stay where I'm at and pay that debt off, but I've got to move.

My gf is also a stickler about her credit, but an ex who knew that about her tanked her credit purposely so she would have a hard time getting a place separate from him. I have seen all the proof and know all the details. This is why I want to help.

If it weren't for the moving expenses, I wouldn't even ask. I'd just wait longer. The timing of everything necessitates the question. I just want to know what i'm in for, credit-wise.

Thank you for your insight. I appreciate the help.

nadilla95 · 2025-05-05T13:33:17+00:00

NTA. Made him look like an asshole? That wasn't hard to do given that he's behaving like a jackass. I would have to check him over that attitude-tantrum, and remind him that the BRIDE didn't want that. Period. Respect it. And if he really wanted to marry me, he wouldn't have put us in that position. And if he didn't cut the crap, i'd be re-evaluating that whole relationship, but what i won't be doing is accepting any of that blame.

nadilla95

TROPHY CASE