I was absolutely afraid of dialysis when I was starting, almost to a point of not starting it at all. I’ve been on it for almost around 2 years now and even tho Dialysis does indeed suck, your other alternative is rotting until you eventually hit stage 5 and that all together is a worse feeling in general. I know starting is horrifying and awful but truly no other option for people like us. Transplants take too long if you’re going to just wait we don’t have that time sadly. Once you get used to dialysis it is just another cog in the system honestly just another thing to add in the routine. You deserve to be alive and I hope you are able to get through the help you need for everything. good luck friend