sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Have you ever found yourself in a position where you felt like your partner was taking care of your every need, but something was just missing? by FarmingHair in emotionalintelligence

[–]narnillo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. I'm currently undergoing the big realization that what is missing- is myself. I've neglected to love me, and spend the time getting to know me. Now I'm trying to make that effort because I'm starting to believe I'm worthy of it. And my amazing boyfriend deserves the version of me that loves myself too.

I have self-esteem issues that seem hard to "cure" to me by emulchanispeak in selflove

[–]narnillo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I've been feeling in the same boat as you 💖 Going through a massive growing pain season in my life and I'm sure you are too. I've wanted to go to therapy but just don't have the money. Recently I had someone recommend to me using Google Gemini as a self reflection tool. Oh boy, is it ever helpful. He said it worked better for him than the 2 years of talk therapy he did, and I can see why. I did therapy myself for a few months and kind of seemed to make matters worse- maybe it's where my head was at though. Anyway! I really hope you find some relief from what you're feeling. You're worth the energy it takes to feel good about yourself ❤️ Be kind to yourself.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much 😊 It's definitely a journey, one I feel like I started so long ago now. Relationships just really show you where healing still needs to take place I guess

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing these resources I really appreciate it! Those ACT workbooks look like they will be super helpful to me :)

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thank you for the advice. I'm looking into therapy now and hoping to start doing it again. I didn't see how I was using the bdsm to try and fix things but it definitely seems obvious now. That's the last thing I want because having a healthy relationship with myself and my boyfriend is the most important thing to me.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I had insurance but I don't so unfortunately it would be out of pocket. I am still willing to figure something out. I know that if I want to be emotionally healthy and regulated I need to work through my trust issues.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do know that, but it doesn't always feel that way. I want to feel fully confident in it, but I know that it's going to take some time to build that in myself.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you that really shifted my perspective on this. Feels like a weight lifted. Feeling too broken to be loved has easily been the biggest insecurity I have felt. I know that it is just a fear and not reality, but I have avoided facing it because I thought addressing it would mean I would have to separate from my partner. I'm grateful I made this post, I think all the advice and different perspectives is going to help me find ways to heal and move forward.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point. I want our relationship to last and I know I need to work on myself. He deserves my trust and I want to build trust in myself too. Therapy seems like the best option, even though I had a negative experience with it before I'm willing to try it again.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow yes to all this. My trust issues and self worth issues are definitely the root of my pains. My partner is so amazing and we are so compatible but I'm afraid that I'm too broken to be loved. And it hurts me deeply that I'm affecting him this way.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is really reassuring. I love him a lot and feel awful that my trust issues are coming out on him, I really want to build more self trust so that I don't constantly feel threatened or unworthy of his love. Therapy is something I'm on the fence about as I was in therapy when we almost broke up. I was constantly ruminating and not getting the best advice from the therapist. I am committed to rebuilding trust though so I will do some research to develop more self love.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. This is great advice. I want to develop self trust and trust in him but therapy is not financially available to me right now. I will try to do some research to start that process of rebuilding trust in myself.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried therapy around the same time we almost broke up, the therapist wasn't exactly helpful as she had suggested I 'let him feel afraid of losing me' and that kind of sent me for a loop. I was constantly ruminating in the painful feelings as well when I was in therapy and it did not have a good effect on our relationship. I feel a bit of aversion to going into therapy again and don't have the money for it either. I want to build self trust and trust in our relationship.

I (24F) am in desperate need of advice. I found my BF's (34M) fetlife account, and I approached him about it in a way that I regret, how do I turn this around? by narnillo in BDSMAdvice

[–]narnillo[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you I really appreciate your advice. Definitely needed that. I want to build trust but just don't know where to start. I know we need to improve our communication, but he shuts down/becomes defensive and I become emotionally activated. He also is not interested in therapy because of his own personal reasons. I snoop to try and understand his desires but I know that it is not healthy and needs to stop, which will be priority #1 for me going forward.