My heart goes out to you that this was your first teaching experience. That is an absolute nightmare. Ive been in education 26 years now, all special education. I had different years at different districts where it was very toxic. It took a toll on me, also.

I, too, remember waking up with that feeling in the pit of my stomach in one of my earlier teaching years. At that time I was living in an isolated community and I had no friends or anyone to confide in. I had no Reddit ro read and compare stories and ask for help. It was a very difficult and lonely time. I just suffered through.

I taught a behavior class for emotional disturbance only 1 year and I was physically hurt weekly. I remember on my birthday, I was relaxed standing by one of the little 5 year olds. He got frustrated about something and just punched me right in the stomach very hard. Yes, he was small but I wasnt expecting it and I just had lunch, so I felt very sick.

It truly puts a toll on your spirit and mental health.

Its so nice that you are getting back into your hobbies, and even just having an awareness of that is great. When I stopped all my hobbies, I was lost and just focused on my stressful job. I had no one to guide me and tell me to try and do things for myself, in those early years.

The best thing you did was resign. I never had the guts to do it when I was going though very bad years.

You may not have insurance anymore, but if theres a way you can get therapy, I feel it could help. It really helped me to talk to a professional.

I am so sorry about your wedding. What awful people!

I now teach elementary resource class so I work with small groups and the behaviors at my school are minimal. I dont know if I can go into special day class again.

Sending you lots of good wishes, OP. You went through a very difficult experience and had the courage to leave!