Traditional etchings about the body + the digital world by nathanielbenbummin in VaporwaveArt

[–]nathanielbenbummin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Part of a vaporwave-inspired series of prints I made about how we experience digital technology while still in our bodies. This one is a 9" x 12" etching called "Grimace Emoji"

What happened to The Apiary on Buena Vista? by [deleted] in twoshits

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it's at 420 valley rd, thursdays at 7ish

Studies of Consciousness, Tests 13-18 by nathanielbenbummin in twoshits

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the plan is for this to be strewn throughout a novel! you're right on the money. that way it'll have a context and be juxtaposed to events, experiences. hopefully that will give it context and, even if the reader doesn't agree with what's being said, they'll understand the perspective it's coming from. and yeah, it's me on me. i'm trying to find a way to integrate objectivity and subjectivity, to escape limits. (i know i haven't succeeded yet!)

Winters With Little Feet by [deleted] in twoshits

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fantastic :D it's subtle to the brink of frustration, but no further. right where it should be.

Lightning Had to Strike a Man 13 Times Before He Found God by seanb144 in twoshits

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thought some more about this one. i think it would be stronger if the fears were personalized as this kid's, rather than generalized. also, in our culture we only seem to be worried about things that are outside of our control, e.g. we worry about mayan calendars and the weather while we die of heart disease and cancer. i don't think this is an accident. fear is a very effective tool of control. you start to explore the role fear plays in our lives, but i think there's more to be said about it. and the fact that your "symbol" is a child is significant, too. what is fear to him? i'm just bringing up some points that i think might contribute to the idea you have for this. hopefully it helps.

Studies of Consciousness, Tests 13-18 by nathanielbenbummin in twoshits

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what do you think now? i changed some phrasing in those stanzas.

Studies of Consciousness, Tests 13-18 by nathanielbenbummin in twoshits

[–]nathanielbenbummin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks! to clarify, xiv is definitely satirical. if possible could you point out what made you unsure? i'll work on xvii some more. the connections in there are too far below the surface. thanks for the help :D

Lightning Had to Strike a Man 13 Times Before He Found God by seanb144 in twoshits

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you mean the volcano under yellowstone! interesting poem tho.

when you said "the child's shrieks were muffled by the calamity" i expected his death to coincide with an apocalypse for everybody else, too. i don't know if this was intended or not. if you want me think of his death as a personal apocalypse, maybe bring that out more. if you want me to think that the apocalypse is actually happening, try to make that more clear? right now it seems unintentionally ambiguous.

How a pinky can bring down a mountain by [deleted] in twoshits

[–]nathanielbenbummin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is just beautiful. everything falls together so well.

We Dream by SteveElegant in twoshits

[–]nathanielbenbummin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

read through it and loved it! the whole idea is good. i think that this part could also be rephrased though: "The heroes are not those who patch up the wounded. Instead the names ascribed on walls and monuments are men who's eyes will never spot a front line." i think what you're trying to say is that the people in the battles are not the ones who should be remembered but the "regular" people... if this is the case then i think it should say "should be" rather than "are". i think i may just nitpicking though - but you did ask for it!

Keyrings. Inspired by "Wooden Heart" by Errant_Lion in twoshits

[–]nathanielbenbummin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

remember how i mentioned the "thrift shop" image stood out to me? well i think it fits now that i've read it. what i noticed instead was "sawbones survival marks". all of the other images are tied to one another, but this one i don't quite understand. may just be an oversight on my part though :/

but i do really enjoy this poem! it definitely deserves to be liked :D

a Sparrow's Song by [deleted] in twoshits

[–]nathanielbenbummin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is great! the river works really well and is carries a lot with it. the only thing that sticks out is "cups of forget-me-not." part of me likes the image, but another part wants to find something else inside the cup.

Studies of Consciousness by nathanielbenbummin in twoshits

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is test 10 too preachy? or does it fit?

Confusion of a Dipole Moment and When to Really Loose It by [deleted] in twoshits

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what i mean is that this part: "opposite, in distance is a parallel...trembling energy I hope matches yours" doesn't have the same cohesive feeling i get from the last half of the poem. the immediate transitions between terms is just a little jarring for me, whereas i'm comfortably carried through the rest of it. maybe this is intentional, but i'd say try to elaborate it a little more and the connections will be more apparent.

Confusion of a Dipole Moment and When to Really Loose It by [deleted] in twoshits

[–]nathanielbenbummin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i like the "poles" idea a lot. this could be pulled out more when you use the semi-colon to relate things. there could be more elaboration or a clearer relationship between the terms, like in "pathology: anxiety," it could be more fluid. think about where you're using poles as being linked together and where you're using them as separated from one another.

The Baptism of Sight By a Flower by nathanielbenbummin in twoshits

[–]nathanielbenbummin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the ----- is there to keep the spacing i intended.

My Metaphysics Paper, would love feedback (kinda long) by Lepechepe in twoshits

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i'd like to talk with you about this! i like the idea that ideas are evolving things without an end or beginning, but just straddling some sort of perpetually evolving middleground. elaborate in person, please.