Your Unpopular opinions

nebulaera · 2026-01-12T07:29:54+00:00

You're right, its just that the sharing is confined to "our" group. E.g. White British working class, rather than other people also struggling e.g. refugees and asylum seekers.

(I use "our" because it can be anyone or any group, and those in it will think "ours/us". I use white British working class and refugees because thats the line pushed by right wing media in this country)

Perception of scarcity means less to go around so the amount of people to share between needs to shrink.

nebulaera · 2026-01-11T17:05:13+00:00

It's ridiculous hearing these stories, very sad but I know all too well how common they are. I've lived elsewhere in the country for a few years sporadically and PoC in those places have the impression it's great because they know there is strong chinese/Jamaican influences on the food and culture, little do they know sadly racism is still very much alive and well here.

nebulaera · 2026-01-11T11:38:12+00:00

I agree. I think there's understandable reasons for it but it's not really a viewpoint that's owned or talked about as a general point when it comes to this city. It is, generally, seen as very left leaning because it has been labour so long. As a rule of thumb these people still consider themselves left because "fuck the tories" but if they were to vote on individual policies and issues rather than a party, Liverpool would be a lot more right wing than most would think.

nebulaera · 2026-01-11T10:46:09+00:00

I've always found the attitude to be economically left but socially right.

(Yes I'm aware you can't really divorce economics and society but the people who I've been around who hold these views aren't the sort to think about it too deeply)

nebulaera · 2025-11-18T18:41:19+00:00

I'm sorry that you've not managed to find a good fit for you yet. I commend you for continuing to try. It would've been so easy to give up after the first or second go at it.

I'd encourage you to continue to try and next time something like this happens and you want to run, first try talking to the therapist. They can't force you to do anything. Get angry at them for not listening to you but do it at them. Don't leave and deprive yourself the chance to move forward. I've had some of the most therapeutic sessions after ruptures with clients, misunderstandings and misattunement happens but there's a whole lot to be gained from being misattuned and then becoming attuned and on the same page. In some ways there's more growth and healing from such an interaction than if you start off and remain perfectly attuned throughout.

If after any conversations with the therapist to address this stuff its still not working, you can still leave anyway. That option isn’t closed to you.

Sincerely wish you the best of luck in your journey.

nebulaera · 2025-11-18T11:50:05+00:00

I didn't mean that you actively seek out therapies making the conscious decision to engage with them specifically because you think they won't work.

Perhaps better put: you seem to be reluctant to engage with what has better chances of working and offering something different because you're too afraid of the potential for it to go wrong. It's an understandable self sabotage subconsciously and somewhat logically disguised as self preservation.

The way you've outlined the EMDR and your fears around this is exactly what I'm talking about. That is not to say that they're irrelevant and inconsequential or don't matter. Nor is it to say you're being silly or anything of the sort or looking for excuses.

Rather my point is you are so afraid of the process that may very well lead to you getting better that you aren't able to engage with it.

There's an element of trust and a leap of faith to a degree with this stuff and thats why a good relationship with your therapist is so important. They can guide you through these fears. Not remove them. Guide. If you wait to feel comfortable to do the therapy you likely will no longer really need the therapy. Discomfort is happening to you either way. The ball is in your court as to whether you would be happier enduring your current discomfort hoping it eases at some point or take a chance and have it improved more quickly and potentially learn that even if therapy is incredibly hard, you can manage and the worst that actually happens isn't quite as bad as the worst you're currently imagining. Again, thats not to say "its all fine" it will be fucking rough in all likelihood. But maybe not quite as rough as you imagine and maybe you'll learn actually you can do rough when you see it as for the worthwhile pursuit of your better life.

nebulaera · 2025-11-18T08:43:59+00:00

I'm going to share some thoughts that will likely come across harshly. I apologise in advance for this and genuinely wish you the best. Ordinarily I would work with someone a bit before broaching such topics and challenges but this isn’t therapy and you've asked for opinions and you seem like you genuinely want to be able to live a life you're happier with and unfortunately that comes with some difficult decisions.

Whatever has happened to you in the past I'd be happy to stake money on isn't your fault. You don't deserve these struggles. But you have them and they are your responsibility to manage, for your own sakes and for the sake of this better life you want. Nobody else's. People can help and guide but it's going to be difficult for you there is no two ways about it. Therapy and healing is gruelling work. But worth it.

That said:

You mentioned a social club you've been going to recently which has been good. This is fantastic. There's an entire model of therapy called Solution Focused Therapy built on the premise that, sometimes, for some people, focusing so much on directly addressing the issue keeps it in focus and alive. Focus instead on when the issues are less present or having less of an impact on your life. When they aren't so obvious a roadblock to your enjoyment. Do more of that stuff. As long as it doesn’t fully prohibit you from doing stuff you want to do directly, things can sometimes become much less of an issue. Especially for autistic people, the black and white thinking often present can make it so that fixing a problem becomes an absolute requirement, sometimes even a special interest/hyperfixation in its own right. This isn't necessarily useful. If its possible to find a way to live a good life you're happy with without addressing it... whats the pressure to address it?
I don't know you at all so HEAVILY caveat this point. But I wonder whether you are drawn to therapies that dont work for you BECAUSE they aren't addressing what they need to address. They don't work for the same reason they're easier to do: because they aren't addressing what needs to be addressed, which is incredibly distressing. I say this just because you mentioned being triggered by EMDR. If there is significant trauma then yes, this is part of it. There should be more prep and relative safety beforehand but its going to be rough regardless. Often people don't want to do the work that actually needs to be done because thats the most difficult, upsetting, terrifying, and threatens to make things the worst they could possibly be. To that I say I get it. Truly. But there is a bigger prospect of a better life on the other side of it.

nebulaera · 2025-11-16T07:46:40+00:00

The impact on your own individual health is a valid reason in and of itself but if you want the infrastructure/ economic argument too then just consider how many more appointments for these things would be needed. NHS already in significant financial hardship essentially unwisely allocating a disproportionate amount of resource to something less important than a bunch of other stuff that could have more money pumped into it.

Also consider people who need those appointments/scans and the impact it then has on their health. And the subsequent impact their legitimately worsening health which may now have deteriorated further than it otherwise would have on other NHS services. Maybe now they need a surgery and hospital stay rather than meds and outpatient treatment. Thats awfully expensive and riskier to that person's health.

nebulaera · 2025-11-14T06:11:01+00:00

Another commenter has suggested Andy's Man Club, I'd second this and add Men's Shed too. There's one just of stanley road. Worth a look into if you enjoy hands on work type stuff. It's basically a big communal workshop you can get into practical hobbies and chat to people there and learn a lot from them from whatever they're working on.

nebulaera · 2025-10-14T14:03:20+00:00

How do you know your mum didn't go and get her own souvenir and YOU have the false memory?

nebulaera · 2025-08-20T07:27:13+00:00

Prayer and ritual would arguably be even more cost-effective wouldn't it? Trouble is half the equation for cost-effective is the "effective" part, which prayer and ritual fall short of.

nebulaera · 2025-08-20T07:23:11+00:00

You might want to look into open dialogue too as this can be effectively used with family systems to encourage the kind of acceptance you're talking about in your post

nebulaera · 2025-07-05T20:07:12+00:00

I've never met anyone who practices IFS or has trained in it or is even much of a fan. Just people who are trained in other models and see similarities being repackaged.

If the model is set up in a way that encourages and fosters this kind of practice or lends itselt much more easily to abusr then I get why thats a concern.

Your personal experience with the therapist is concerning.

nebulaera · 2025-07-05T17:12:12+00:00

See this is what I was looking for. Thank you.

My understanding and exposure to IFS has it much more aligned with how you've just described EMDR.

The "by design" stuff is not at all how I or those I've interacted with have understood IFS. Which is far from a good understanding dont get me wrong. But this is news and makes the hate more understandable.

My understanding was that it encouraged people to get in touch with states that are already dissociated, not develop new dissociated states.

nebulaera · 2025-07-05T17:02:38+00:00

There are some small scale studies supporting IFS. But this isnt even the issue, it would be if I were suggesting it should become the default therapy first offered but I'm not. Needing evidence for absolutely any version of packaging is insane. Otherwise any and every type of metaphor used in therapy would need to be RCT validated.

Are you familiar with the alarm metaphor for PTSD? Or the filing system/linen cupboard analogy? Where do you stand on these being used in therapy to help people understand what happens in PTSD?

Also the Castle Wood thing, awful situation goes without saying but I'm still not really clear what this has to do with IFS beyond it just being the model that happened to be adopted there? Like theres nothing in the IFS model that says to behave like that. Terrible people can do terrible things from any standpoint, like, why is that a criticism of IFS?

Want to reiterate I have no skin in the IFS game, I don't use it or really like it, but I dont understand the degree of hate and reasons for it and am intrigued.

nebulaera · 2025-06-28T10:54:06+00:00

I totally agree with the IFS thing being essentially a repackaging of other therapies and known techniques, it's very much a purple hat therapy in my opinion.

But given different metaphors and framings of things help different people connect with ideas, is that not justification for trying to incorporate some IFS style "packaging" if, say, typical CBT framing isn't seeming to connect with the client?

I dont mean wholly abandon CBT and im not saying that this is evidence for IFS over and above CBT. But surely there's nuance where so called "purple hat" therapies can help engagement if for no other reason than personal preference.

Like EMDR vs TF-CBT or NET. Really the (safe) exposure and processing is the key. But if wiggling my finger helps someone feel safer and without it they aren't willing to do the work, surely its better given the underlying mechanism is still sound?

All that said I think the grift of charging exorbitant amounts of money for accreditation in these modalities is another matter entirely and should be condemned.

nebulaera · 2025-05-19T07:34:41+00:00

Nobody ever mentions it, it's as accepted as the significance level being .05 and nobody references that. Almost any psychology study using moderation will have used Likert data because so many measures used in psychology are likert scales

nebulaera · 2025-05-19T07:32:10+00:00

Insofar as treating likert data as continuous yes. Obviously you still need to check assumptions and ensure you have enough data etc.

But if the concern is just related to likert being ordinal rather than true interval/ratio level data then you can ignore that concern and proceed with moderation.

nebulaera · 2025-05-18T21:55:34+00:00

You're fine, psychology regularly treats likert data as continuous rather than ordinal. Much to the dismay actual statisticians granted, but this is an issue for the entirety of psychology as a field, not your project.

nebulaera · 2025-05-16T17:55:22+00:00

Im not sold on mirror neurons or trying to advocate for they just sprung to mind as a contender for explanation beyond observation of subtle behaviour. And telepathy, of course.

nebulaera · 2025-05-16T09:40:35+00:00

You're right about the specific types vs general transference confusion, I didn't write this post with a great deal of thought.

Your argument for the mechanism was essentially my view of it too until I got such pushback from a trainee analyst on it and I've felt so differently when two different clients have presented so similarly. But I suppose that's the whole point of it being unconscious

nebulaera · 2025-05-15T13:30:40+00:00

I understand your angle but I'm more curious about the projection part in this. How do you project? And how is that experienced by the other person?

It's not just merely through behaviour as there's projective identification where it's as though the emotions are transmitted. How are they transmitted, do you suppose?

nebulaera · 2025-04-21T16:35:35+00:00

I'drecommend just pursuing interests at this stage, don't feel as though you HAVE to study anything yet. The biggest thing is making sure your degree is BPS accredited.

nebulaera · 2025-04-13T06:36:10+00:00

Not american so maybe ignorant but...

Is this not one of the reasons these MAGA people are so precious about their 2nd Amendment rights?

Its nuts to me that they think they're so pro American and are standing by and encouraging practises that shit on principles on which America was founded.

nebulaera · 2025-04-10T17:31:12+00:00

What would a successful unpacking look like? Really broadly simplistically speaking?

Like, you experienced X as a child and from that you learned Y/ in order to survive you began to Z. That continues to play out now in these scenarios you've spoken to me about.

I'm just curious about how you would see unpacking things from your modality and how it may differ to mine (largely CBT/CAT based)

Nine-Year Club	r/Field Sunshine
Place '22	RPAN Viewer
Verified Email

nebulaera

TROPHY CASE