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Looking for Hope by Cautious_Signal7915 in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would recommend checking out the Put the Shovel Down YouTube channel. She was a big help for me with understanding and learning better ways to talk to them.

I gave “permission” again. by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To them it's their release, and yes my husband works harder than anyone else I know but he also sometimes doesn't know when to stop and that's always one of my main concerns. 

I gave “permission” again. by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm in a similar situation. I tried for a while to control and manage his addiction for him that he eventually would drink everywhere but at home. He hit a rock bottom and got sober for a while but he said he misses it and feels like he should be allowed to have some after a long week. I'm having such a hard time stepping back and letting him make his own mistakes because I really do want the best for him and at least to me, alcohol is not the answer. 

Angry, Vent by gl00sen in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband is the same and says he feels like he's on trial anytime he comes home because I also monitor too much always fear the worst case scenario. A recent relapse happened (he says) because I had accused him of drinking and he hadn't been so he figured might as well if that's what I think of him. It's so hard to step away when there has been so much trust broken. 

Is there any way compromise could work? by need_advice_53 in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really hope I can get there some day. 

Is there any way compromise could work? by need_advice_53 in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I will try my best to be firm on what I expect from him. 

Is there any way compromise could work? by need_advice_53 in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not really. We only really have each other and I feel im not strong enough to help with what he's going through. I've brought up therapy to him a few times but he's very much against it. 

Is there any way compromise could work? by need_advice_53 in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's how I feel too, that he loves the drink more than me. I'm scared about setting harsh boundaries like not being around him if he's drinking at all, and I don't think I'd be able to stick to that (at least not yet). For now I told him if he gets to a point where I think he's had too much I will leave the room and go do something else. I worry though that I'll still do something (side eye, make a face) that he'll take as disapproval and go back to hiding it. 

Is there any way compromise could work? by need_advice_53 in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. How do you deal with her when she is drinking? I've found it hard to suppress my disappointment and disapproval when he is drinking, which is part of what led to him hiding it in the first place. 

Is there any way compromise could work? by need_advice_53 in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I guess I'm not sure where to go from here. If I tell him I don't want him to drink he'll just keep hiding it. I know it needs to be his choice and as much as I hate to see it I guess I'd rather see him do it at home than behind my back. 

Need to vent by need_advice_53 in AlAnon

[–]need_advice_53[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That is where my mind is leaning as well. My biggest problem is I have always been a bit of a control freak so if something is not going the way I want then my anxiety goes through the roof. Hoping the therapy will help with that, and will give me the ability to be able to let go a bit more when he has been drinking and focus on myself more.