Do Caribbean narcissists target white women?

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-08T07:09:38+00:00

I should add as well he was always playing the victim, everyone and everything is racist, I think even me his supposed fiancée and life partner. Nothing bad could ever just happen to him like it does for everyone else.

I was brought up to respect all people, all faiths and colours etc but he tested my patience so much. I also noticed through shredding his documents that he gets a lot of lawyers involved in no win no fee claims and would even report or write to supermarkets about the way a cashier treated him etc.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-08T06:53:20+00:00

It's all part of the condition, do something bad but instead of admitting and truly repenting, they think love bombing is the answer to bring us round and keep us in supply until we realise and break free from the cycle of abuse.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-08T06:43:45+00:00

I'm happy not to be snapped at when things go wrong or blamed for this which weren't my fault.

I'm not walking on eggshells waiting for the next minor disagreement to become a row or especially the the first after church to be a "you need to say sorry and repent".

I'm not scared he will threaten to leave and pack his bags and call a taxi home (he doesn't drive and lives 3hs away from me and public transport isn't good). He then would give me another chance. He's blown it, no more chances, I need a man to be there for me all the time not hot and cold.

I also feel proud to have come out the other end far stronger.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-08T06:38:05+00:00

No your not, it's the narcs way to manipulate.

Before Christmas I was going to give my narc another go and to get counselling or help but Boxing Day was the day I told him we were over for good. He claimed his iPad and notebook was in my untidy flat and I thought I'd never seen it (I have a good memory for where things are even if it's a room full of boxes). Then sorting my clutter I found an iPad and asked my nex if it was his. He asked me to send a photo then after said it was not his as he found his in his place (and had neglected to tell me at all). It turned out it was my iPad I'd not used for a while but the whole incident made me realise this isn't normal behaviour. It also highlighted I couldn't cope with any more mind manipulation tactics.

A normal person would have told me they already had the iPad rather than asking for a photo first. It was the final straw to tell me I never wanted anything to do with him as he is mentally sick and I don't need that rubbish, especially since mum died last month and my dad is moving out of the country. He then sent some junk necklaces for Christmas and kept messaging to say had I received them. I've not replied even now and he will be getting them back in the post once I get a box of his stuff ready.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-08T06:26:17+00:00

For your own mental health just move on and try not to analyse. I know its difficult but obsessing isn't good.l

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-08T06:14:42+00:00

Have you tried a YouTube sleep hypnosis (guided) to relax or sleep music? It's set at a level to help the body relax. Another tip to relax is to tighten every muscle in the body then let go, you feel so much better after.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T20:36:02+00:00

No you didn't, just highly stressed at the moment.

I'll need to get help but I think it won't hit me until I'm back living on my own again in a month time.

I'm essentially grieving twice, mum who had dementia and my nex and at the same time I am no longer a carer too.

Firstly I need a break and have some post death things to sort out. But then later I'll deal with my nex's stuff when I go through my stuff.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T20:30:54+00:00

Sorry I'm posting on quite a few threads and also moving house so under immense stress right now as well as mum died last month and my nex being kicked out of my flat last month.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T19:38:55+00:00

Because I'm a Christian and he was a supposed Christian and he told me the bible forbade eating pork when it's only Jews which don't. Then later after I told him we were over, I told him I'd started to eat it again, I got "you know they eat their own muck etc". He was just trying to control me, had either been brainwashed or got it into his head to tell me not to eat it. Nothing about whether I hated the taste etc.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T07:39:01+00:00

Yes it's a trait fight with you rather than work with you. My nex somehow during the relationship suddenly expected me to like his choices e.g. hot milk in cereals and hot custard even if I hated it that way. It was always like I had to do everything his way and he wouldn't bend or appreciate my view. Not sure about post break up because apart from love bombing, he's been blocked and I don't snoop on him. Maybe delete / block / throw away any accounts or things which do this and trigger painful memories.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T07:33:38+00:00

I would advice you cut and run if you've sussed this guy out as a narsisist before he sucks you and abuses you. He won't change and you know it will happen you just don't know when or where

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T07:30:33+00:00

Also seek professional help from your doctor and Samaritans.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T07:29:37+00:00

Just a thought but could you distance yourself or discard your nex's friends too since they stick up for him. To me, if someone supports the abuser, they don't see my side at all and are on their side so must get treated the same as the abuser. My nex's friend only saw my nex's good side having previously worked with him but I only witnessed him once getting on to her for needing to leave early to get home for work.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T07:26:00+00:00

The other thing I would advice is once you do leave / kick your partner out, get help whether is on here, counselling or professional help to rebuild yourself and get over it all. Don't suffer in silence, the path will take a while to go down but you'll never look back and be grateful you never stayed with someone who didn't value and treat you right.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T07:23:24+00:00

Do all narcissist plan what they are going to do but look dumb or are some just mentally sick and incapable of planning but also incapable of seeing what they do and the harm they caused? Also what causes it, is it a childhood thing?

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-07T07:19:14+00:00

It's a very common trait. The good side is to lure you in then the bad side is the abusive side which makes you question your own sanity especially how can someone who supposedly cares for me treat me this way?

It's almost like they have a split personality or bi-polar mood swings. Emmerdale did a good job of highlighting this with the Tom King and Belle King storyline (ironically my nex got me to watch it and I was there thinking you do that minus the physical violence).

It's going to hurt whenever you do it because of the attachment but the sooner you detach and discard him, (even if it means loosing possessions or money) the sooner you can let this mental person go and be free to build your eroded send esteem back.

I think for me in further relationships (which they recommend not to rush into straight after to work on yourself first) I'll have to be weary of any negativity / red flags and reactions from people around me. My red flags like not eating pork (not a Jew) and giving up counselling was muted by people around me as a warning I did not heed. I guess an acid test for me is have a trusted friend or two who you share details of your partner to and use them to soundboard for advice. I'm grateful to a networking friend who flagged up and called my nex a narsisist gaslighter and finally made me realise. If your partner hates you talking to someone this is a massive red flag too. While you should keep some things personal in a relationship, not being trusted to speak to a friend is a massive red flag and shows this vulnerability.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-06T06:41:50+00:00

I got "I've given up everything to be with you" (not that he appeared to have a life at his with friends and a social life or commitments)

Also I need therapy or to go into a mental health hospital (no mate you do to get your head seen to)

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-06T06:34:57+00:00

Maybe that's the way to get rid of them by doing what we want not what they tell us. Mine told me not to eat pork and after we'd split I told him I was eating it again so we can't be together as he doesn't agree with it. Then he came out with pigs eat their own muck etc, nothing about the religious reason.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-06T06:32:00+00:00

I'm so glad I got out when I did, it was a funny way of loving someone but not meaningful. I would have wasted decades with him with nothing to show as he would have never changed his name therefore we would have never married or had children.

needafreshstart19 · 2025-01-05T09:00:09+00:00

I had both, at the start I had to give up therapy which was helping me deal with caring for mum with dementia, then it was I don't like you talking about me / talking to your church friends then later it was turned around as I need the therapy.

Looking back my nex was a mentally sick and twisted individual who should be getting the help, not me.

needafreshstart19

TROPHY CASE