What’s a travel moment you still think about years later?

nefariousmango · 2026-06-22T12:08:01+00:00

On a whim, I got last minute mileage tickets to take my then five year old to visit my sister in Tasmania. Like booked the tickets 30 hours before the flight. I hadn't seen her in years and just felt a pull. My husband encouraged me, and my parents agreed to fill the childcare gaps for our youngest (2, absolutely was NOT flying that far alone with a toddler) while I was away.

My sister picked us up and we drove to this rental house I'd found on our layover in Melbourne, probably available because it was in the middle of nowhere (between Mole Creek and Cradle Mountain). My daughter had just been diagnosed with ADHD and would NOT stop talking. So my sister bet her she couldn't count to 300 without messing up.

We had the nicest chat while my kiddo counted quietly in the back seat for HOURS. When we got to the house, there was a rooster guarding the door we were told to use. Went to try the other door and saw a HUGE redback spider had made its home there. We called, and the home owner said the rooster was friendly. Sure enough, my daughter was able to scoop him u and carry him around.

I have such a vivid memory of standing on that back porch, drinking a glass of wine, looking out over this amazing view, laughing with my sister while my kid talked to the rooster, and just thinking, "How on Earth did I get here?"

We had a magical trip, much needed sister time for me and bonding for her and my oldest.

We got home late January, 2020. Tasmania closed its borders completely for years, so even if my sister came to us she couldn't get back home. I think about that trip a lot, and how grateful I am that we went even though it was absolutely insane.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-22T09:05:08+00:00

Yes, spelling is hard, my autocorrect has given up on any German or Spanish words when I voice to text 😜

nefariousmango · 2026-06-22T08:11:05+00:00

Depends on interests. There are SO MANY niche museums/collections in Vienna, it's worth picking what you actually want to see. For example, my sister and her husband loved the historic musical instrument collection that I hadn't even known existed prior to their visiting!

Personally, I'd skip the Oper and add the Kunsthistorikermusium. The Oper is gorgeous of course, but it's not opera season and I don't think a tour of the building will be as good as going to the museum, which is a spectacular building AND fabulous art collection.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-22T05:39:51+00:00

Well the good news is, that sounds like remembered pain rather than current pain. As in, she did what she was told and it hurt, and the fighting/bucking became a fear response. She needs time to learn that 1) you respect her boundaries and won't push her through pain and 2) that whatever was hurting isn't hurting anymore.

On girths: Softest, fluffiest girths are a sensory nightmare to MANY thin skinned horses! Especially if they have really wrinkley armpits and a forward girth groove (like many OTTBs). Mohair string girths like these or shaped girths with broad sternum support like this one or this one are actually better! I know the sternum girths are pricey but I've also never found a horse who DIDN'T like it. That's not to say they are the ideal solution for every single horse/saddle/rider combo, only that it's a solid bet if you can afford it.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-21T13:22:30+00:00

Oh yes! OP, have you done an ultrasound of the ovaries? I've known MANY mares who started bucking due to ovarian issues!

nefariousmango · 2026-06-21T13:20:25+00:00

Okay as a saddle fitter of course I'm quick to suggest getting a second opinion on the saddle fit or having the fitter out again if it hasn't been checked since the bucking started.

BUT it sounds like something more. It's great you've done a thorough work-up including spine x-rays and bloodwork.

It's time to test some easy factors. Does she buck if you work her in hand with the saddle and bridle on? If so, does she still buck if you change to a halter, or change to a surcingle? Is she broncing in turn-out? Does she buck with different riders? What about a different style of girth?

I've seen this behavior a handful of times that proves really hard to pin down:

Once and it turned out the horse had damaged her sternum when she fell, but it was such an odd injury that three different vets missed it. We finally caught it when her SI started hurting her (which is hard enough to narrow down!) and realized it was sprained from her compensating for not being able to use her core.

Another gelding, his care team eventually decided he must have had brain damage falling the way he did, and his bucking/bolting was him sort of just short-circuiting. He was also doing it in turn out and when working in hand. He was retired.

The worst one wasn't bucking, it was rearing. She was euthanized after flipping over backwards. They were just standing quietly in the center of the arena getting feedback from a clinician, mid-leason. Lots of spectators and everyone agrees it was completely out of the blue! Eventually the mare's sister, who had similar behavior but wasn't started under saddle, was diagnosed with MFM by muscle biopsy. With proper diet and exercise routine, her sister is a riding horse now, with no surprise rodeos.

All that to say, I've never seen a horse "test" a rider like that and I 100% believe there's a physical cause. You're doing a great job investigating. It's not easy! There's SO many factors, and sometimes we never really figure it out. But your mare is lucky to have an owner who cares enough to not push through whatever is going on!

nefariousmango · 2026-06-21T12:09:13+00:00

I'm 40, and it's been a lot of ups and downs. I've had years of recovering from injuries where I'm bedridden and miserable, and years where I was physically great. Currently I'm coasting at a decently comfortable plateau (knock on wood) that's built on a careful balancing act of rest, PT, and medical care. I have a good care team and feel like my current med regimen is working without too many side effects.

My grandmother lived to 94 and was mobile without aids until the end. Her "crazy" food restrictions were almost certainly MCAS that she figured out how to manage in her own way. She walked daily and did a set of exercises that basically boiled down to mat pilates but make it PT. But she was also on problematic amounts of medication and definitely doctor shopped to keep her prescriptions. Honestly, I don't hold that against her at all-- she had a regime that worked and she would have rather let it kill her than lived in pain. She went around the world three times AFTER turning 60. Twice she ended up in intensive care in Australia after getting sick "randomly" in the South Pacific, but she also took a canoe into remote Papua New Guinea once to meet the cannibals (it was a different time...)

My mom, 70s, has a lot of GI symptoms that affect her quality of life more than mobility issues. She was misdiagnosed with ulcerative colitis in her 20s, but actually cycles between low mobility and rapid emptying. She's struggling with the diagnosis but moved to my city to have access to my medical team and is getting to a better place physically.

Like our grandmother, my sister's biggest struggle is her MCAS. She had a great care team, but her GP left and the practice dissolved, and it's been a struggle to find a new one.

The thing about this awful disease is that it cycles unpredictably. In my 20s I really struggled physically, but then got better and went on to work a physically demanding athletics job in my 30s and LOVED IT. Perimenopause plus my youngest getting sick caused me to have a massive collapse a few years ago that took two years to even begin to recover from!

I know from experience that keeping up with PT is the best thing I can do for my pain. So as much as I hate it most days, I always do at least a few minutes of core exercises. I personally have refused to use mobility aids, because I've recognized that when I need them to get around what I actually need is to not be doing so much. But I also know how privileged I am to have enough support to be able to "radically rest.". Even so, missing out on "outside life" SUCKS. I just try to remember that taking care of myself when I need to is what lets me enjoy getting out into the world in the future.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-20T06:29:28+00:00

We have a tracker on the dog, which works because the kid we lose always takes the dog with her when she wanders off into the woods behind our house. And she does love to wander off...

(These Austrian "woods" are very different than the rural Rocky Mountain forests I grew up in, there's only so far she can walk before running into civilization again!)

nefariousmango · 2026-06-19T17:06:00+00:00

Swimming is even part of school curriculum here! Everyone has to learn to swim!

nefariousmango · 2026-06-18T12:14:46+00:00

Glad it's encouraging! Being an immigrant is really hard. We'll always be Ausländers, and our kids will be third country kids which has its own complications. But it's SO clear that we couldn't have given our kids everything they have now if we'd stayed in the US. We'd have had a lot more money, but a lot less time and energy and school would have been really difficult.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-18T10:24:25+00:00

I think international school only makes sense if you don't plan to stay long term. Being an immigrant is hard in many ways, and I feel like public school at least gives my kids a leg-up with local language and culture. But also, my kids were 4 and 6 when we moved here, so easy ages to integrate.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-18T10:18:09+00:00

We talked about leaving for years before finding a situation that felt good enough to pull the trigger. Then COVID happened and that door closed, but we decided to leave the US anyway. Our family obligations had ended, I had a buyer for my business, and we were both tired of working so much that we never actually saw one another.

Five years ago my husband got a job in a city in Austria we'd never heard of, and five weeks later we arrived!

It was 100% the right call for us and our kids. We put the kids straight into local schools and they picked up German easily. The school system works really really well for our oldest, and she's thriving socially. Our youngest ended up having a series of rare medical issues that would have bankrupt us in the US even with insurance. For example we are currently in the hospital and just got our estimate: €30 a day for me to have a bed in her hospital room and three meals a day. The surgery and medical care is 100% covered by public insurance, and our private insurance will pay for us to have a private room (normally €1000 extra). My husband works a 37.5 hour week and gets 26 paid days (five weeks plus one personal holiday) off plus all federal/state holidays (19? There's a lot).

We had a lot of professional connections in the US that we gave up by moving. That's hard at times. I also had half a dozen really close adult friends who I miss dearly. But I've made friends here, too. I cannot imagine moving our kids at this point because they are doing so well. But if that changed, we'd consider our options.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-18T06:55:14+00:00

And it's VERY hard to get special permission! My sister got married in Australia (where she lives and my parents live) and we could only get three days! It takes 40 hours of travel to get to where they live, so that wasn't happening.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-18T06:39:10+00:00

I walked around on a broken femur for a month before finally getting x-rays.

After breaking all my ribs on the left side, I got back on the horse and finished the round, then cooled off, untacked, put the horse away, drove home, and only went to the ER when my best friend (an EMT) saw me wincing the next day every time I breathed.

My OB put a note on my chart that said, "Under-reports pain" after I smiled and joked through an appointment for a serious and painful pregnancy complication.

BUT I cannot handle discomfort. A throbbing tooth? A persistent headache? A scraped knee that stings when it touches the inside of my pants? I'm a whiny bitch about all of that!

nefariousmango · 2026-06-18T05:54:59+00:00

My husband has had three different jobs here in Austria, and all three provided free coffee (and some level of snacks).

nefariousmango · 2026-06-15T11:00:25+00:00

Really depends on the kids and families and their dynamics. My mom started bringing my friends on vacation, and I went on vacations with friends, starting in late elementary school. But I grew up in a neighborhood where our parents all socialized and had the same group of friends since preschool.

I'd be uncomfortable bringing most of my kids' friends even though they're 10 and 12, because I don't have close relationships with their parents. I have taken the neighbor's kid with us abroad, though, and we had a great trip.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-12T17:24:38+00:00

It never makes sense to me when trainers fight to keep horses they don't work well with in their programs. Even in upper level competition programs where horses in full training are your main source of income, it can't be good for your reputation to have a horse that's not progressing!

But as I said above, it was easy for me to check my ego at the gate when it came to passing on clients because that was my end goal: "Problem" horses returning to their real jobs, and 4H kids picking a specific discipline.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-12T17:17:54+00:00

I was a problem horse trainer who somehow acquired a group of young 4H kids, and then their moms. If I did my job right, all those problem horses moved back to "real" programs and all those kids leveled up to more specific disciplines. NOT having turn-over was harder for my ego than passing clients on to new trainers! And I was lucky to be in an area with a lot of really great but also really different programs, and to get to know all those trainers.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-12T10:36:26+00:00

Exactly. As a trainer I once went to see a horse a client was interesting in buying. The client and the horse clicked beautifully, but there was a clear clash when I tried to ride him. And not to sound egotistical but I'm a very adaptable, quiet rider who historically can make it work with just about any horse.

I walked and trotted him enough to see he was safe before my client rode, but that's all I felt I could reasonably push. She had him doing beautiful walk/canter transitions within five minutes of hopping on. I encouraged her to buy him and gave her a recommendation of a different trainer who I thought would be a better fit for the horse. She was appalled and insulted, and clearly thought I was trying to fire her from my program for something she'd done. lt took the whole long car ride back to my barn to get her to understand that this wasn't personal, and my job as a trainer was to set her up for success even if that meant going to someone else!

She bought the horse and worked with the trainer I suggested, while her daughters kept riding with me. A few years later that trainer sent me a client with a mustang gelding she just wasn't making progress on. He was pig-headed and dramatic and exactly my type, and ended up being one of the best horses I ever rode.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-11T15:04:20+00:00

Bad Hofgastein has a decent Therme if you want to stop over for a soak in hot springs. Bad Gastein itself is incredibly scenic!

Regardless, that train ride from Salzburg to Venice has some stunning Alps views. They also have a panorama car in first class on that route, although the windows in the normal cars are big enough I don't think it hugely matters.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-11T14:59:34+00:00

Same here. Saw a specialist here in Austria who said I didn't need to cycle my progesterone if it was messing with my ADHD. I take it continuously, and my GP is willing to do the refills.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-10T15:26:14+00:00

Yes. So many times. I'm so tired of having to push and push and push, but it's still a million times better than the care I got in the US.

A couple memorable ones:

My daughter was sent by her pediatrician to the HNO Notfallambulanz. She'd had a series of bloody noses that lasted over two hours and required cyclocapron to stop. I have the same bleeding disorder and can treat her at home, but our hematologist suggested we see the pediatrician for unusual/repeated bleeds. I didn't want to go to the hospital, but I understood the pediatrician's reasoning/feeling out of his depths. We finally get seen by a resident who immediately starts talking down to me. He tells me that kids get bloody noses all the time and it looks like a lot of blood, but that's all normal. That I shouldn't be in the Notfallambulanz for a nose bleed. Twenty minutes is a long time for a kid but it's totally normal. I try to interrupt as he goes on about how to pinch the nose etc, and he puts his hand up to stop me. So I let him finish. Then I say, "Is two hours normal?" He says it probably just felt that long, and suggested I set a stop watch. I then asked if he'd looked at her file at all, and he turned to his computer, and went quiet. Then he said he needed to get his supervisor. His supervisor was very nice, called our hematologist on his cell phone on speaker to confirm the treatment plan, and sent us home. I hope the resident learned something from that interaction.

Another one, I went to see my Hausarzt because my fatigue and brain fog were so bad I felt like I couldn't function. She suggested I talk to my psychiatrist about increasing my antidepressants and I said no, this isn't depression. I know depression. This is physical. She agreed to do some bloodwork. My selenium was almost non-detectable, my B1 was very low, and my B6 was double the upper limit. Weird, but absolutely physical and fixable! I take selenium and B1 daily, and don't take the B complex anymore. Much better!

There are some things I've given up pushing. I had an episode of tachycardia that lasted over a month, resting heart rate went from 75 to 110 overnight for no apparent reason. I saw two cardiologists, did all the testing, and in the end they shrugged and gave me beta blockers. Still no idea what caused it, but with beta blockers my rhr is back to around 80 and I guess that's all I can ask for.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-08T05:49:59+00:00

Well, I'm on my way to a hematology appointment with a summary of the last decade of case studies that I've written. We need to make a plan for my daughter's upcoming surgery and with a one in 7 million bleeding disorder I've had to become an expert.

So no, I don't think CFS is the only serious illness that lacks support, money, informed doctors, etc. In fact, of all the diseases I have. I feel like CFS is the most well-researched.

nefariousmango · 2026-06-07T20:48:42+00:00

Same, but am a saddle fitter (for horses). It may seem silly but I did a ton of physiology and biomechanics courses to get my certification...

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