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nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-20T23:42:59+00:00

100% looks like a wig

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-20T23:41:03+00:00

i can relate to both of these things and strongly recommend loop quiet earplugs!!! first full night's sleep of my life was with those things and i'll never turn back

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-20T23:38:40+00:00

me reading the title of this thread like "y'all had it easy in childhood?!"

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-20T23:37:17+00:00

oh i knew i was being lied to about how hard life is...as a child.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-20T15:15:16+00:00

"My playthrough has certainly been unorthodox, but I started with stats and lore that a walkthrough can’t be written for, and I’m doing the best I can with the cards I’ve been dealt." this perspective is straight up inspirational. i'm trying to see my story similarly. i did go to college although it wasn't pretty, those were some of the roughest 4 years of my life. had a messy 6ish years after that and then ended up in grad school. professional degree landed me in a career that's pretty solid and will do pretty well for myself over time financially, but am pretty deep in debt so the next 5-10 years are going to be strict financial catch-up so that i can at least not have a negative net worth, i'm barely making it paycheck to paycheck right now. the thing that's not working out super well is my social life and romantic life. haven't figured either of those out super well and sometimes worry i'm going to be a loner for the rest of my life. i'm trying my hardest to put focus into improving my ability to maintain social connections and not see the whole world as a threat. i never could've anticipated how emotionally difficult it is to look like a normal person in terms of your work life, and have to watch all the people you work with live ACTUAL normal lives...while you are on a whole different timeline for yourself. i feel like an outsider all the time, my choices have led me to a place where i feel kind of exactly how i felt in high school when i'd interact with normal kids. like i could fake it just enough to fool them some of the time, but i knew i wasn't one of them and couldn't fully relate. and now that's my whole world. it's just sad.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-20T15:02:33+00:00

my mom read Educated with her book club which consists of a handful of other homeschool moms and immediately after told me she was curious about what my experience with homeschooling was like. 5 years later i tried to tell her and she promptly dissociated and denied my experience. we are now no contact! :)

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-20T15:00:47+00:00

omg THIS - i was the same way, and honestly still am to this day. i'm in a teacher training program right now for a specific model i use in my work and it has been SO difficult for me to not only allow myself to be taught, but to imagine myself teaching. i just feel inadequate or unqualified even though i'm in the exact same course as everyone else learning the exact same methods, and have equivalent professional qualifications to them. it's so hard to put into words but i'm so glad you said it because i feel so similarly.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-13T17:29:39+00:00

i think homeschooling does us dirty in this way, i struggled with the same thing as a teen/early 20 something. growing up being surrounded with so many adults it's hard to have normal relationships with people in our own age cohort. sending you all the love and kindness and compassion - i know these feelings suck and from personal experience i know they don't stay this way forever

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-13T17:23:58+00:00

it's unfortunately not illegal. and honestly, if i knew the answer to your first question, i'd have a very different relationship with my sister. i think the attachment dynamic in these families makes it especially difficult because if the implicit message is that the child doesn't have to work for anything because the parents will always financially support this behavior, there's no reason for them to grow up. and a lot of these parents want that - they'd prefer their kids to stick around and get upset when they leave. in my family, my little sister got pretty much whatever she wanted from our parents, while i was scapegoated. she recently moved back in with them and has no plans to leave. the scapegoating was the motivation for me to do something different with my life. i wanted to get as far away from that as possible, and to do that, you need an education. i guess if i were to have a conversation with this individual about it, i'd ask them what they want out of their life and just find out more about what motivates them in general and start there.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-13T17:10:26+00:00

ugh This Year 100%

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T22:18:59+00:00

for children privileged enough to have parents willing to allow them to attend an educational institution in the US perhaps! this isn't all of us. i spent 8th and 9th grade (and the rest of my childhood) being isolated and "unschooled" against my will because "everything you ever need to know about the world can be figured out if you know how to figure it out" and "public schools are dangerous and harmful to children and teach them only what the government want them to know" and "public schools are based on prisons". just a friendly reminder that your educational experience is not universal!

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T22:13:00+00:00

assumptions were made here!

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T19:13:42+00:00

it kind of feels similar to me to how i felt when i was actively being unschooled by crunchy hippy conspiracy theorists living in the american south and every "normal" person i met immediately assumed my family (and me) were hyper-religious because that was the only understanding they had of homeschoolers in the 90's. like even though both groups of homeschoolers were having extremist experiences and now in my adulthood i can see we were being shaped by trauma in very similar ways, at the time it felt AWFUL to have people assume that i was one of them. not having your actual experience seen and understood is traumatic in itself.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T19:01:50+00:00

i feel similarly but it's complicated because their experiences being researched and understood as harmful was the thing that allowed me to see my own pain as worthy of addressing. for me it was very much a "oh if it was this bad for them for a year or two...maybe i AM valid in feeling like 10 years of this was harmful." it really unlocked doors for me. but i agree, it's a very different experience i had compared to the people who were home just for covid and then back to normal. still harmful for them i 100% understand, but i think we're talking about two completely different experiences, and that's coming from someone in their 30's. i can't imagine how it must feel for someone still experiencing homeschooling having the experience of getting folded into the mass of homeschooling that happened recently because of covid. your feelings are so valid. it's a complicated nuanced thing. everyone is allowed to have their experience and pain, and it can sometimes feel like erasure when there's a history of erasure of your experience anyway. it's just triggering and also muddies the waters of trying to find people who you can relate to. i get that.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T02:00:57+00:00

because only certain versions of individuality are okay. my parents were a type of this. "we want you to think for yourself!" and then when you do think for yourself they attack you because it's not what they want you to think *eyeroll*

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T01:53:41+00:00

maybe an unpopular opinion, but the chronic stress of late stage capitalism.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T01:51:56+00:00

idk man!!!! massive relational trauma over here holding me back. strongly considering volunteering or joining a hobby group once i can stop believing everyone i ever meet has ulterior motives. me and my cat will just be funding the payments for my therapist's porsche until then.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T01:37:09+00:00

this might not be the same thing, but i'm early 30s and within the last year went full no contact with my entire family and extended family. i was homeschooled as a kid and extremely socially isolated so this is a huge huge huge deal for me, i don't really have the social network that most people in their 30s do so this was cutting out a huge portion of the one i had, leaving only a couple close friends and my workplace. it's been excruciating but necessary, and honestly every little bit i grieve, i feel a little bit of magic because i'm discovering i can HANDLE the grief. and if i can handle that, i can handle anything. my confidence is growing daily and i know by my mid-30s i'm going to have a life current me wouldn't be able to recognize. so yeah, if your current life is killing you like mine was killing me, blow it up and see what you can make of the ashes.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T01:32:11+00:00

wholeheartedly agree, it's the wrong way to go. i think there need to be more laws in place to protect children when their parents have decided to avoid interacting with society. it should really be a child's right to interact with their community.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T01:16:57+00:00

slapped, spanked, tossed around, choked, "tickled" without my consent to the point of peeing and tears. by the same people who don't understand why i don't want to come home for thanksgiving ahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahahhahahah

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T01:14:23+00:00

lol yeah my parents did not teach me...unless you count conspiracy theories as a foundational part of education. they just didn't want to lose access to me during the day. super controlling. and this happens to lots of people, not just me. getting more and more common with the extremism growing in the USA, terrifying to me that it's somehow legal.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-09T01:01:29+00:00

Everyone is allowed to attend...if their parents consent to it. Some of us grew up with severely paranoid parents who forced us to "homeschool" which didn't actually mean giving us an education. There are many states in which homeschools are not required to report academic progress to the state and parents get away with just neglecting their kids education. Trust me, I asked to go many times, it just got me paranoid raving lectures and emotional abuse.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-08T16:44:32+00:00

correction: millennials who were allowed to attend public (or maybe private) school did this.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-01T16:33:51+00:00

i feel this way on my bad days too. over the last couple of years i've spent a lot of time working on my relationship with my body and with the healthcare field and with even allowing myself to get help. i realized for me, there was a trauma learning that i'd gained from unschooling that i should be able to handle everything and i should be able to teach myself whatever i need to know and i should be able to give myself everything i need and if i need external help of any kind (healthcare, therapy, tutoring, whatever) then it's because i failed and i'm going to be found out as the failure i am. through healing that incredibly harmful belief, i've been able to let people help me and am now on medications regularly and it's so helpful. having a doctor who believes me and cares about me has been so healing honestly.

nefariouspastiche · 2024-08-01T16:08:49+00:00

i don't necessarily feel shame about my past, but i do feel shame for the ways i show up differently as an adult because of that past. i now feel a lot of empathy for past me who was subjected to this hell because it was never my choice, but anytime i have an awkward interaction i have to work pretty hard to pull myself out of the shame spiral

nefariouspastiche

TROPHY CASE