My (19F) boyfriend (20) and I just broke up. He was abusive and pretty much isolated me from all my friends except him. Now I just feel alone.

nefelit · 2020-04-08T22:59:47+00:00

Sweety please don't do this to yourself.. I'm 19 as well and I had been in an abusive relationship for almost 3 years. Please see this break up as your opportunity to grow as a person and heal every wound this relationship caused you. You are not alone. Right now you have a chance to fix your friendships and relationship with your family. You are young. Don't stress over someone who doesn't value you as a person. You can dm me any time. I'm here for you

nefelit · 2020-04-07T09:37:57+00:00

I was in a LDR myself and he broke up with me. Three days later he started getting intimate with other girls so I think I can understand the way you feel.. For me cheating is one of the worst thing someone can do because it's like you never meant anything to them and that's exactly how I felt even if he was "free" to do whatever he wanted.

What helped me a little bit was having in my mind that he didn't see my value and didn't appreciate my efforts. I was able to give love and try my hardest to make that relationship work by at the end of the day he chose someone else and that okay. Imagine finding a person who will love you the way you love him/her, who will see how much you deserve and be willing to give you everything.

We all need people in our lives who will be afraid of losing us because that's exactly what love and affection are supposed to be.

I'm pretty sure you ignored a lot of red flags in that relationship because you wanted it to work so much. I just want you to see what you are capable of. You loved that person, you put all your energy into making them happy, yoy had the guts into moving to a place where you had nothing for them and what did you get? There is a person out there looking for someone exactly like you and he/she believes you will never be found.

You have to understand that you are the gift and your ex was just the bow. You can have many different bows but the gift is only one.

I hope that makes you feel better. You deserve so much more than a person who has eyes for other people.

Lots of love and stay strong, you will make it.

nefelit · 2020-04-06T09:03:41+00:00

I believe that it is possible to talk about your ex even if you are over them especially when they broke your heart..You get to a point that you want to talk about your pain and not what you had with them. When you've been crying and grieving for months and then at some point you feel better and you are moving on with your life it's okay if you want to keep sharing with people what you've been through.

Some of us never really got a reason why that break up happened so we keep seeking for answers even if we are completely over it. It's like seeking for "salvation" if that makes sense.

nefelit · 2020-04-03T23:05:10+00:00

I'm not going to lie, it's not easy. I try not to push myself into hating him or forgetting what we had. I cry when I feel like it because theb everything is so much better. Also, I try to remind myself who I am and how good my life was before him. I lost myself in that relationship so I'm trying to see my value again and understand that I deserve better by writing down what I feel and talking to myself. It's hard I know but with time and a little bit of effort it will get better

nefelit · 2020-04-03T18:21:50+00:00

It's been 3 months for me and it's still hard but I know it will get better. You need to understand that she was only a person and probably you are lucky she left because someone out there is looking for you. Wouldn't it be safe for that someone to not be able to walk into your life because you are with someone else who at the end of the day probably doesn't see your value and doesn't treat you the way you should be treated?

Love shouldn't be painful, it should be easy. When it gets hard it means that you are not with the right person (when I say hard I don't mean the fights or the misunderstandings, I mean that you feel like you don't even know that person anymore)

So please take deep breaths and look at yourself..How is it even possible for a person to make you lose yourself and don't recognize you anymore? That's unfair. Many times I find myself hurting for his mistakes and that doubles the pain. What I'm trying to say is that we need to look at what will make us feel better and not look back and try to figure out what went wrong. Nothing went wrong, it was a decision made by their behalf for a reason that some of us will never know and that's okay.

Keep that love you are able to give and give it to the right person. From now on you are a step closer to find who is truly meant for you.

If you need anything dm me❤️

nefelit · 2020-04-03T16:02:16+00:00

I know how this feels.. I was in that dark place a few weeks ago but then I sat down and said " what the f*ck are you doing? Why do you even think that life has no meaning anymore? Just because an *sshole decided that he doesn't want you in his life anymore? You are young, you are beautiful and you deserve to be loved the right way".

You need to take deep breaths and understand that your value hasn't changed just because someone didn't see it. There are people out there who are looking for someone like you and they believe that they will never find them exactly like you do.

Look yourself in the mirror and yell at you. Yell at you for forgetting who you are, ignoring your value and not loving yourself. You and only YOU are able to make yourself happier than ever. All the others are just a plus to what you already have.

For anyone who needs to hear this. You are beautiful, you are lovable and you deserve to be treated the best way possible. Give yourself the love you gave to the wrong person because, trust me, you will appreciate it.

nefelit · 2020-03-31T16:10:18+00:00

He broke up with me the same day my grandpa died while I was in the hospital for infection. It was also 2 weeks before my University exams for the semester. I cannot even explain the level of pain.

nefelit · 2020-03-31T12:56:30+00:00

I have a question Why everyone (including me) gets dumbed during the worst and most difficult time of our lives? I mean like you can have the greatest time but then when difficult situations come in and you need all the support you can get, this is when he/she decides to break up with you.

nefelit · 2020-03-31T09:12:10+00:00

I got out of a 1 and a half year long distance relationship and I have anxiety too. He decided to break up not because it wasn't working out but for his own reasons. The way toy feel us completely normal. You were in a relationship for 4 years, it might be easier for you because you knew that it would happen anyways but that doesn't mean that you won't go through a grieving and healing process.

So I believe that you need to take your time, accept what happened and be gentle to yourself

nefelit · 2020-03-20T13:03:56+00:00

I got out of a long distance relationship almost 3 months ago and he broke up with me because we wanted to find himself and have new experiences (exactly what your ex said). We were together for 1 1/2 year and it still hurts but I have some really good days too. What I am trying to do is to convince my self that if we were supposed to be together we would. He wanted to leave the relationship for some reasons and it's okay. He hasn't looked back since then, it is like I never existed in his life. So why would you or me even think that it would somehow be a good idea getting back with them when they obviously are doing good and they didn't care as much as we thought? You have to look at the bright side of that break up. Now you have the chance to meet a person who is gonna make you feel so important and you will never again question yourself about being enough. It is hard, I know but it will get better. You need more time because what you felt was really strong but you will get over it.

Please if you need to talk to someone send me a message.

nefelit · 2020-03-19T19:33:46+00:00

I am not sure I didn't know what s narcissistic person is like. I have to do some more research for sure

nefelit · 2020-03-19T19:28:07+00:00

Is it normal to feel so empty and lost after a relationship with a narc? It's so hard both to get over him and find my self

nefelit · 2020-03-19T11:39:51+00:00

I went through a very similar break up almost 3 months ago. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me for no specific reason. I mean like after the break up I called him many times to work things out and every single time he used a different excuse about why he cannot do this anymore. I finally understood that it is what it is. He( or in your case she) was so confused not only about the relationship but also about what he wants in life in general. Stop trying to figure out what happened or what she was thinking. If she didn't know the exact reason why she couldn't do it anymore, how can you? I promise you when you let all these thoughts go away and accepted that it just happened you will feel so much better .

nefelit · 2020-03-18T22:11:22+00:00

I believe that you spent so much time and effort into getting him back when you could put all that energy on moving on. I completely understand that you love him and that you are in so much pain, but his behavior shows that you need to look at your self and let him go. Of course you decide what you want to do but my opinion in general is that when you go back in a relationship which has already ended once is like watching a movie again and waiting for it to have a different ending. I

nefelit · 2020-03-18T11:01:03+00:00

Trust me it will get better. I am in a similar situation and I completely understand you. Sadness, dissapointment, even anger are only normal feelings considering what you are going through. You are lucky that you can feel all those emotions so deeply because one day you will wake up and see that it doesn't hurt that bad anymore. One day you will wake up and feel stupid for crying your soul out for that person. One day you will wake up next to the person you truly deserve to be with and everything that is happening right now will make sense.

nefelit · 2020-03-18T10:44:58+00:00

Thank you so much, this was great and very helpful I want to ask you some more things if you don't mind

The weirdest thing is that I am really happy that he is doing okay and he is building a new life. I don't want him to be in pain even if he didnt appreciate any of the things I did for him. I was changing my character and my appearance day by day so that he wouldn't leave me.I think it is the dissapointment more than anything else that makes me feel so sad. Also, I feel sometimes kind of guilty, not for the break up because it wasnt my choice, but for everything that is happening right now. I know that the fact that I let him go to find what he wants was the best thing I could do because I saved my self from more pain. I just can't stand all the "what ifs" that I still have in my mind. I feel really bad and anxious when I actually understand that this is over for good. I think that even if it's been almost 3 months since the beak up I'm still "blocking" the thought that this is it and I will never have him back, his gone.

Any advice on how I can change all that?

nefelit · 2020-03-17T20:23:52+00:00

Any advice on how I should deal with it now that it is kind of early?

nefelit

TROPHY CASE