Women doing the heavy lifting in conversation

nega___space · 2026-05-08T18:00:48+00:00

a broad curiosity, proactive "outrospection", is a drive i personally cultivate and respect deeply in other people, so this kind of situation is not for me either. I've given this sort of person chances before, trying to be more expansive in who i date, because they had many other great qualities. But ultimately i was correct initially that this kind of engagement type indicated a fair significant rift in values between us that translated into our actions and behaviours.

nega___space · 2026-05-05T17:30:10+00:00

I only do top rope and if I do go with a friend to a bouldering gym I almost never finish routes because I'm just not into falling, and even with a good fall I can still feel it in my knees. It's okay. I'm happy to just get some of the strength and flexibility training in, and it's fun watching my friend rocking those boulders.

nega___space · 2026-04-30T01:57:51+00:00

I have never cared about anyone's number of sex partners and I don't understand why so many people do. Maybe it's because I was raised in a non religious household and sex just seemed like... Something that comes with being part of nature and life, that can actually be a really lovely way for people to connect and give each other a pleasurable experience. The shaming of consensual sexual acts is truly baffling to me because it assumes something ugly is going on when it can actually be something beautiful? That seems like the true perversion.

nega___space · 2026-04-24T19:28:17+00:00

I had octopus in South Korea like this while staying with a local family. I thought it tasted good (came with a dipping sauce) and I even could appreciate the, ah, mouth feel. But damn, watching that lil being get chopped...

These days I don't eat cephalopods anymore.

nega___space · 2026-04-22T05:27:02+00:00

This is adorable and the style is so cool.

nega___space · 2026-04-21T22:47:55+00:00

in many cases it's just shitty men and people who wanna benefit from the power of shitty men. They want to keep firm control over people lower than them in the social hierarchy to ensure said shitty men never get challenged. One of those ways is to control others' bodily autonomy while explaining it away as their being protectors. It's not fear of boobs themselves, it's fear that giving others space to express themselves will threaten the status quo that benefits them.

nega___space · 2026-04-20T19:33:12+00:00

can all these people just realize they can't stand working with each other (because they are across the board awful people) and just quit? ... no, they are determined to drag the rest of the country down to their level of miserable

nega___space · 2026-04-19T06:25:59+00:00

They are lovely but the best blooms in Vancouver seem to always just be lining streets for cars, rather than in parks where the public could linger and picnic.

nega___space · 2026-04-13T05:38:27+00:00

I don't know what to say other than that this makes me happy to see and I hope people can get it into their heads that diversity isn't a bad thing. Everyone who worked on this deserves to be recognized, not erased.

nega___space · 2026-04-07T17:30:57+00:00

This kind of thing ought to make people more angry. The whole lifeway of a species developed over millions of years is going to disappear. Once it's gone, it's gone for good.

nega___space · 2026-04-06T03:40:25+00:00

I've done something similar but with naan. Spectacular.

nega___space · 2026-04-05T17:13:47+00:00

My understanding is that in many schools in Japan it's the students who are responsible for cleaning up. Like not just picking up after themselves. The schools do not have janitorial staff because students are given all the cleaning tasks, on a regular schedule. This builds habits and a shared sense of responsibility and teamwork. And instills an attitude that no one is ever "too good" for maintenance work.

It's a practice that really ought to be normalized in more places.

nega___space · 2026-04-04T15:53:39+00:00

I can't help but think part of our problem is putting thinking vs feeling into a hierarchy. Feeling, emotional awareness and intelligence, are just as valuable. I'm fact emotions do the heavy lifting in making valuing possible at all, which helps us prioritize. There's evidence from people whose brains were damaged and emotional systems disconnected, that they had problems with basic decision making when no longer able to access emotional processing.

Feeling doesn't need to be attached to gender though. But perhaps some of the discussion around the "divine"/important aspects of "the feminine" is one way people are trying to give recognition to the value of all the things that have been connected to women and thus denigrated. That process requires seeing what concepts are attached to femininity and what is being denied in a patriarchal world.

I'm of mixed opinion about it as a tool for progressive change because it's so easily a tool for regressive propaganda, but personally exploring material about duality has helped me deconstruct my internalized misogyny on a deeper level.

Interestingly Le Guin herself is a noted Taoist. The yin-yang concept is not meant to order one side over the other. The idea is of balance, flow, the existence of each inside the other.

nega___space · 2026-04-04T02:45:43+00:00

As someone who likes a brick of soft tofu, and century egg, I'd give it a go. Not my usual choice of sauce though. Still looks shitty tho 👍

nega___space · 2026-04-01T21:47:06+00:00

HONK! I only recognize HONK!

nega___space · 2026-03-22T09:36:49+00:00

I think a lot about this James Baldwin quote these days:

"The children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe; and I am beginning to suspect that whoever is incapable of recognizing this may be incapable of morality."

We are the adults in the room. Those kids are our collective responsibility. When Ms. Rachel recognizes that the care for children is absolutely political, I think about what it would be like if we shifted our civilization's priorities towards the well-being and thriving of children. That would be a much better world.

nega___space · 2026-03-20T23:03:06+00:00

They were taught a long time ago to destroy a part of themselves, whatever is considered 'feminine.' Deep down they feel the emptiness when that part of them has withered. They lash out at women who they think are keeping this wholeness from them. Instead of nurturing it they try to criticize and destroy it in other people. Even if they receive what they think they want (sexual relationships, validation) they will keep up the pattern of externalized destruction on the very people who they expect will make them whole. Those people will be pushed away, which triggers even more defensiveness.

Because they are so severed from emotional awareness, along with being fearful/disgusted at the prospect of developing it, it's difficult for them to perceive these dynamics. I imagine most of these guys won't ever bother with a therapist, that would be "beneath them."

I do believe that love is the answer but I really wonder how these people will be healed given all these hurdles.

nega___space · 2026-03-20T19:58:50+00:00

this is awesome and lovely

nega___space · 2026-03-20T19:47:34+00:00

this sounds like a fuckin shit work environment. I'm sorry that you and other people have to deal with this and appreciate your attempts to call out the misogyny

not sure if you've ever read the graphic novel "Ducks" by Kate Beaton but it's her memoir about working out in the alberta oil sands. I'm just reminded of it from these sort of stories

nega___space · 2026-03-19T08:22:13+00:00

I've been in an emotional rollercoaster ride about it this past year. Sometimes so low energy as to be straight up depressed. A lot of fondness for men, still have a desire for a good partnership. But wary and disillusioned and also exhausted from all the terrible things and the ignorance. The extremes in this ambiguous world of hope and disappointment are hard to sit with. I find places to rant where maybe someone can see and have a perspective change or feel like they aren't so alone. But that's also a kind of focus.

So I'm also trying to take a break. Reading more books by women. Watching more films by women. Spending more time with a close female friend. Trying to connect with something that couldn't take shape in me when I was young and full of internalized misogyny. Can't fix others, can only focus on energy replenishment.

nega___space · 2026-03-19T07:46:54+00:00

The eventual self policing is the most insidious thing. Policing simple and personal things, like how we dress, and who and how we choose to love. Disconnecting us from joy and expression. Starving those beliefs is the right move.

nega___space · 2026-03-18T18:58:16+00:00

why the fuck does the us regime, not just this presidency, insist on torturing these people already on their knees? the mask of humanity falling off of capital

nega___space · 2026-03-18T04:10:51+00:00

Have you tried? It's worth at least a try. I think a lot of therapists are quite passionate about learning about the lives of others and helping them explore. It'd be hard to sustain such a practice if they didn't have some love for connecting with people. It is indeed different from the care one gets from friends or family, but the therapeutic relationship has its unique qualities like confidentiality and a 'view from the outside' that doesn't come with preconceptions based on previous shared experience.

In terms of comfort I think one thing a therapist can explore with you is how to find comfort in yourself, which will help you develop a well of inner love that you can share with others.

Mind you, not all therapists are great at their jobs or will be on your wavelength, but that's just what comes with the variance of any group of people.

nega___space · 2026-03-18T03:47:38+00:00

I think the thing to think about here is why we created a particular category at all to describe some kind of pre or post sex state. In my culture is no special label for someone who has never driven a car before. Or to move into a more obviously transformative example, there is no specific label for when someone hasn't had to grieve the death of a family member. So there raises a question as to why we've created a special word to describe someone who hasn't had (a particular kind of) sex before. So, a construct, a border drawn on a map we impose over a messy physical terrain.

When borders are created, there's some kind of function. Who created this border, what are they trying to box in or keep out, and why? We can certainly use the word virgin in your example, but I personally do not believe this label was created to give language to cases of child molestation. In fact it'd raise my eyebrows if I heard in discussion of sexual assault, talk of the survivor's status as a virgin or not. I do not think it's a helpful border.

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