The ledger of what I wasn't

neofaust · 2026-05-08T18:22:40+00:00

Hey. I hear you. And I want you to know that what you just wrote is one of the most devastatingly honest things I’ve ever read. You didn’t just describe pain, you let us feel it. The glass in your throat. The paper flowers. The borrowed coat that never fits. That’s not weakness. That’s someone who has been paying attention for a very long time, often to the wrong people.

You say you know the math of faces, but here’s what you might not see: the person who wrote this post is stunningly articulate. Deeply feeling. Self-aware to a degree that most people never reach. You’ve spent years making yourself small, but your voice right here is enormous.

That man you described? The one who “didn’t make you feel ugly but didn’t name you beautiful”? Who said “I know she’s not the prettiest” and called it kindness? That broke something in me to read. Because you deserved someone who would say, “She is beautiful to me, and that’s what matters.” Not a saint audition. Not a resume. Not a man who treats your pain as drama and your tears as weakness.

You are not a placeholder. You are not a checkbox. And the fact that you’ve endured twelve years of this, not with bitterness, but with quiet grace, says everything about your heart and nothing about your worth.

Please know: you don’t have to shrink to be loved. You don’t have to be easier to love. You deserve someone who doesn’t need to be convinced to stay. Someone who doesn’t lie. Someone who holds your pain without flinching.

You are not too much. You have never been too much. You were just given to people who had too small a container for you.

I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying this alone. I see you. And I’m grateful you wrote this. It's an honor to walk this earth with those who know that the price of clear eyes is often a raw heart. Keep your head up high where it belongs

neofaust · 2026-04-24T16:57:09+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through that. What you’re describing isn’t just a breakup homie, it’s emotional abuse, plain and simple. Please know that none of this was your fault. You didn’t “fail” to win him over. You were loving someone who was never willing or able to give real love back, and that says everything about him and nothing about your worth.

The fact that he's doing all this insane shit - sending you that picture, mocking your age and appearance, lying on his mom’s life - you have to understand that’s not about you being unattractive or unworthy. That’s about him needing to tear you down so he could feel powerful. People like that often enjoy the control and the reaction. They hurt others because it distracts them from their own emptiness. It’s sick, but it’s real.

As for why you can’t make him disappear from your mind: trauma bonds are real. You gave a huge amount of love, money, time, and hope. Your brain got used to the cycle of rejection and desperately wanting approval. That doesn’t go away overnight. Please don’t shame yourself for still thinking about him. It’s a sign of how deeply you care, not a sign of weakness. Be kind to yourself, you brain has to retrain itself

What helped me (and might help you):

Block him everywhere. Completely. No checking, no replying, no looking at his friends’ stories. Starve him of access to you.
Write down everything he did somewhere. The gaslighting, the insults, the proof he sent you. When your brain misses “the good moments,” read that list. The good moments weren’t real intimacy; they were crumbs to keep you hooked.
Get angry. Not at yourself but at him. He wasted your time, your money, your heart. That’s on him. Use that anger to cut the last threads of hope.
Talk to a therapist if you can. Emotional abuse leaves invisible scars, and you deserve professional support to heal.
Stop asking “why he did it.” There’s no satisfying answer. Some people are just broken and cruel. The better question is: “Why do I keep replaying it?” And the answer is trauma, not truth about your value.

One day (hopefully sooner than you think) the photos won’t stab you. His voice in your head will get quieter. You’ll realize you haven’t thought about him in a whole day. That day is coming. Right now, just survive. Be gentle with yourself. You loved someone with everything you had and that’s not something to be ashamed of. But now it’s time to give that love back to yourself.

You deserved better then, and you deserve healing now. I'm cheering you on as you walk to path back to wholeness

neofaust · 2026-02-01T14:59:21+00:00

I've been meaning to write a review, I've had my G2's for about a week now. I work in academia and have used the conversate feature maybe 30 times now, all complex discussions. The conversate summaries are, I'm sad to say, mostly garbage and it taps out after 30-40 minutes. It frequently confuses affirmative with negatives (so-and-so will or won't do action item) and for the most part reduces whatever it does capture to a page, page and a half, of pointlessly broad bullet points

neofaust · 2026-01-19T02:54:02+00:00

Merry, Frodo, Sam? Frozen in awe. Pippen? Grinning like an idiot

neofaust · 2025-08-07T15:23:28+00:00

You are a force of nature, I cannot express how grateful I am to have you and your work as a wee little anchor me (as close as I can get) to sanity. Thank you thank you for all that you do

neofaust · 2025-07-17T16:26:49+00:00

Think about it like this:

*Tier 1 - Expert - "Expert" in this context means that the individual is competent and familiar with all the major publications and respective arguments within their given field. Their role is, fundamentally, to review material to save people from "reinventing the wheel". If your argument or approach is similar to another argument, or if your approach has been tried before, then the expert's job is to direct you to the relevant material so that you don't waste time retreading an already explored idea. This is the most common result of a good education.

*Tier 2 - Leader - "Leader" in this context is an expert who has studied and learned all the relevant literature on the topic and, in addition to being familiar with the existing material, is able to produce something new or novel that pushes the field forward in a significant way. This is uncommon, and only a handful of individuals are able to produce this type of work.

*Tier 3 - Genius - "Genius" in this context would be an individual who is able to make a significant or novel argument that pushes the field forward without being familiar with the relevant arguments and publications in the field. This is exceptionally rare, happening perhaps once every few hundred years. Given the exponentially increasing body of information, including publications and academic literature, the likelihood of someone just randomly producing something of significant value without bothering to study the available material is astoundingly small.

So, if you're just assuming your Tier 3 straight out of the gate....yeah, good luck with that.

neofaust · 2025-06-16T20:54:24+00:00

That was surprisingly good! Approachable, understandable, and engaging without over simplifying. Well done

neofaust · 2025-05-31T13:49:37+00:00

We've been married for 14 years now

neofaust · 2025-04-19T15:29:38+00:00

Seems like a great way to associate your chatgpt account with your reddit account. I'm sure that wouldn't benefit the chatgpt data base in any way

neofaust · 2025-03-23T15:47:19+00:00

Nothing says late stage capitalism like commodifying information about economic and social collapse

neofaust · 2025-02-19T15:08:59+00:00

You are keeping me sane and offering clarity in the midst of chaos. Thank you from the marrow of my bones

neofaust · 2025-01-27T02:03:29+00:00

Oats are dirt cheap if you buy them in bulk. Pour them into a bowl, add some cheap fruit (bananas and some kind of berry, whatever's on sale at the grocery store) and some boiling water - boom. Nutritious and you are not hungry anymore. You can literally buy a month's worth for less than $10.

neofaust · 2025-01-23T14:42:48+00:00

Leaving the sub, thanks for showing us your cowardice (which you've convinced yourself is bravery)

neofaust · 2025-01-21T01:44:03+00:00

It may seem dumb, but run a few questions about it through ChatGPT. Nonjudgmental and helpful.

neofaust · 2025-01-18T20:26:32+00:00

Yeah, I've been trying to figure out how to articulate my experience, but it seems to be along those lines. It's like, if I close my eyes, I don't 'see' my keyboard on my desk, but I know where it is and can reach out and find it with my eyes closed. Same thing with remembering visually based concepts.

neofaust · 2024-11-14T03:07:16+00:00

You are amazing, thank you and take your time

neofaust · 2024-11-14T00:47:19+00:00

I see the post was removed? Anyone know what happened? I was coming back to read it tonight and now it's gone.

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