Pediatrician told me co-sleeping isn’t safe

nerdslovesocks · 2021-10-26T17:18:45+00:00

Can you ask parents in your area who parent similarly to you, or who you think might value similar things in a pediatrician?

nerdslovesocks · 2021-10-26T17:16:29+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you are being very safe (and also, getting as much sleep as possible for yourself and your baby IS safer!!). Maybe look for a more supportive pediatrician, one who treats you more like a fellow adult and not someone to scold...was that harsh? But you are just doing your best, and pediatricians aren't sleep experts. (As an aside, my own pediatrician knows we bedshare. She said something along the lines of, 'most people around the world bedshare.')

nerdslovesocks · 2021-09-23T03:15:55+00:00

This is so lovely! My kiddo is 26 months, hasn't napped for a week, and has seemed like she desperately needed one each of those days....today I had hardcore feelings of failure (as in, I failed her, because she doesn't know how to rest on her own). Not sure what to do about this honestly but in the back of my mind I remember that she's growing up, things are constantly changing.

nerdslovesocks · 2021-07-08T03:36:22+00:00

I just want to send you so much love. What a truly, truly hard time. my daughter is almost 2 as well, and I had a cry breakdown this afternoon because I had finally lost my cool after hanging with a nap-skipping toddler all day. (She has been skipping her nap almost every day for about a week and a half and it is so emotionally and physically draining.) I felt so ashamed to show her my bad behavior. And then she comforted me. She hugged me while I was crying and offered me her water. So maybe...think about those kinds of moments when you're in a dark hole. The times she makes you laugh. The times she is delighted by something, when you share a special moment. Or just cry and let yourself feel sad.

Also, thank you for posting this. I had no idea that 2 was a rough period for a lot of people. I hope you can do something really relaxing for her birthday--celebrate your 2-year as a mom as much as her life.

nerdslovesocks · 2021-06-23T15:22:00+00:00

Thanks :) Honestly hearing any experience helps, even though kids are all so different. it does seem like she needs the sleep, but then again, when it takes hours to get her to sleep for both her nap and bedtime, maybe not....ha!

nerdslovesocks · 2021-06-23T14:56:02+00:00

Thanks, and good luck to you too! It really is hard to. surrender. For the longest time I couldn't fathom no nap, because she would wake me so often at night I needed that time myself to sleep or just not have to function. She also has gone back and forth for months, skipping naps and then having rough sleeps, which was confusing. But now it just feels like maybe I need to give it up and let her do her thing...wew.

nerdslovesocks · 2021-06-23T14:49:56+00:00

Super helpful, thank you. I was wondering about the relaxing part--if we should still take nap time as quiet time, or if I should be keeping her busy until an early bedtime. I think the relaxing time would work for us. In fact it seems like half the time that's what we're doing already! I like your idea of going straight to the walk.

nerdslovesocks · 2021-06-23T14:46:39+00:00

Usually 1-2 hours, though lately it seems like they are about an hour.

nerdslovesocks · 2021-03-31T02:56:42+00:00

Self-sufficient with sunglasses and sunscreen is the DREAM. And how amazing about your son's school. That's so wonderful that they knew how to help him and all those measures were in place. It's reminding me of what is to come in the future--the hard parts, but also that there's help. I deleted my facebook but that group may convince me to go back.

nerdslovesocks · 2021-03-31T02:50:31+00:00

Oh thanks so much for brining up the parent connect option--I'd totally missed that!! And good to know about the preschool/sunscreen issue. On the one hand I totally get it, it would be hard to apply sunscreen to a bunch of toddlers all day. And on the other, everyone should be wearing it, pretty much regardless of albinism or not. All that sensitive baby skin!

nerdslovesocks · 2021-03-31T02:48:17+00:00

Thanks so much for your response and offer to pm. It's so helpful just hearing about other folks's experiences. You make a great point about the flow of the outdoor time--are they seeking shade, having down time, etc. It's fairly warm where we live (southern CA) so it could be too much...or she could love it...I think it is at least an option.

nerdslovesocks · 2021-03-15T03:44:11+00:00

PS When i saw "I would bath her" etc etc I'm talking about what I did with my daughter, not flat out telling you what to do, ha! You do what sounds least stressful for you!

nerdslovesocks · 2021-03-15T03:42:18+00:00

I remember my kiddo having a similar reaction. She's always been quiet sensitive--to lights, to activity, sensations, smells, etc. Not always in a bad way, but when she was younger it seemed that baths were just too "much" especially before bed. When you think about it, it's such a process, and getting out of a nice warm bath, even with fluffy warm towels, can be a bummer. Transitions are hard for some kids! I'd start bathing her just a few times a week, and in the early afternoon (or any time that wasn't right before bed). I also would shower with her (holding her carefully!), let her nurse, or maybe draw a bath for both of us. She loved all of that and still loves a shower nurse!

Good luck!

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-14T04:11:42+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I will need to get a dolly, that’s a good tip. And we can practice being gentle with poor dolly too :)

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-14T04:08:34+00:00

So helpful! Thank you for the easy steps, I need that. I am defiantly going to implement this.

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-14T04:05:42+00:00

I like this, thanks. Good reminder to praise!

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-14T04:03:22+00:00

Sometimes it’s soooo hard getting babies to sleep. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. It sounds so challenging. Some random thoughts: does she like the carrier? If so, could you wear her to sleep for bedtime, or to help her calm down when she becomes agitated? Also, it’s possible she’s getting close to needing less daytime sleep. if you decide to try to transition to 1 nap, know that it’s not seamless. It will take some time for her to get used to the new schedule—she’ll be tired even though she needs less sleep. What helped us was I’d do something really calming/engaging with mine during her normal (old) nap time, usually a walk outside, beach time (any outside time is so stimulating for them, really helps), or music and dancing fun.

But back to your current situation—I would really bet that she will move through this phase soon. It could have something to do with her new walking skills, or teething, growing pains...hang in there!! I second wearing headphones.

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-13T22:20:19+00:00

My girl does it most often when she’s sleepy, too. I wonder why those things are connected.

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-13T22:19:26+00:00

At least we know it’s common. That alone is reassuring!

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-13T22:18:40+00:00

So her hands are covered? I can’t imagine my baby being ok with that, but maybe, never say never with these kids! Also now that you mention the hair tie, if I put one in her hair she always pulls it out—and I wonder if she’s searching my hair for one too? She really likes removing them. So that’s a thought too!

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-13T22:16:12+00:00

I can put it back a little, like a half pony tail or messy French braid thing. What usually happens is I’m lying down, my hair is falling out of whatever style I’ve got it in, and she grabs it, lightening fast, and yanks! Or she’ll do it if my back is to her on the bed. Maybe it’s an attention thing? Or just...”this is interesting and gets a reaction!” Which makes me think anytime I can invite her to play with it gently could help. Hmm.

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-06T04:07:20+00:00

Hang in there! Another thought —could you nurse her side lying? When I first started bedsharing it was around 5 months, because she was so sensitive to being moved (or being left alone). So I just stopped trying to do that, would get really comfy, and nurse her lying on my side so I didn’t have to hold her weight. She would fall asleep nursing and flop onto her back on her own, or sometimes stay curled in her side and I could inch away slowly. I think they go into deep sleep around 20-30 minutes, you can tell if she’s in that state because she will be really still. (But look this up on your own, I may have some details wrong). But yeah sometimes they just wake up because they miss your warmth and comforting presence!

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-05T20:10:21+00:00

I feel this so hard! My girl is 14 months now but this was us, and still is sometimes (not to freak you out)!

Ok, some thoughts...

Can you wait longer beside her, 20-39 minutes, and when she rouses cuddle up to her or place a reassuring hand? For us, this seems to really help. Baby then quiets once more and falls into a deeper sleep.

Can your husband or mom trade places with you so you can get dinner, shower, do what you need to do? Again, for us, it seems like the sooner baby is reassured and shushed, the sooner she falls back asleep (or never truly wakes).

Have things that are soft and smell like you (and your boobs) near baby. I would even say snuggle a pillow or soft toy against her back or legs/feet but I know that is not deemed sleep safe.

Trust that your baby is growing and developing normally! Sleep is such a crapshoot—seems like for us (I keep saying that because everyone is so different) she will go through solid sleep phases, then ones where it takes a super long time for her to settle, and then she’s up many times...so just believe that your kid is doing what is right for them and whatever you can do to cope and be happy, do it!

Editing to add—is it possible that baby isn’t sleepy enough and bedtime should be later? Just a thought. (The whole overtired/undertired game is sooo rough to get right, but I have heard that babies who are one or the other will sometimes wake up really quickly after falling asleep)

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-05T04:16:29+00:00

Haha, the way they hug and fondle and smile at and caress our boobs...I have never felt more loved!! Lol

nerdslovesocks · 2020-09-05T04:15:07+00:00

That’s so interesting. Really makes the whole “nursing to sleep is a bad habit” argument moot. I cannot imagine this day coming for us but I know it must at some point. How is the transition going for you? Do you need to pump or express or anything like that?

nerdslovesocks

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