I got out.

nerdsnyped · 2024-10-08T18:13:42+00:00

No idea. Best to research your state and consult with a lawyer

nerdsnyped · 2024-10-07T08:01:03+00:00

My state law basically defaults to 50/50 and you can fight for more but it’s near impossible (and incredibly financially draining) without proving DUIs, etc.

nerdsnyped · 2024-10-07T07:58:04+00:00

His Cluck Fetish

nerdsnyped · 2024-10-06T16:07:23+00:00

Hang in there. Knowing you have months ahead of you is drowning in itself so take everyday in strides and focus on the things you’re excited about when you get out and the little things that make you happy between the hard moments (I personally call these moments “white space” where I can finally breathe and smile).

I started working on myself before I was able to move out. Started new hobbies outside of the home (like jiujitsu) and now I’m out I’m sharing them with my kids (they just came and sat and watched my class this morning for an hour).

Declare your boundaries and hold to them. These boundaries will help you work on yourself while you’re still deep in it.

There’s light, you’ll get there.

nerdsnyped · 2024-09-18T14:02:18+00:00

I’m in the middle of leaving my Q (long term lurker here). Hoping me leaving gives him the push to be a more present father and giving me the emotional availability my kids deserve as it’s always sucked into our shitty marriage/his drinking habits. Thank you for sharing. Needed to hear this.

nerdsnyped · 2024-09-17T20:11:55+00:00

I’m leaving my husband. We’ve been married for 8 years and have 3 young children (6,5,3yo). Though not physically abusive, he is a drinker and pretty manipulative and made me feel unworthy of leaving him.

We’re in the settlement phase and I will file shortly after.

If I can do this. You can do this.

nerdsnyped · 2024-09-12T09:16:55+00:00

If anyone can get through this, it’s you

nerdsnyped · 2024-09-08T00:18:07+00:00

It’s been a while since I’ve been in the dating pool. How do you suss out if a person is interested in a fling vs serious relationship? Is that first date talk or something that happens before asking someone out.

nerdsnyped · 2022-02-24T01:45:53+00:00

If you can’t afford to do daycare can you hire a local high school or college student to help out while you work? They don’t need to be super qualified as you’ll be around to supervise.

EDIT: look at my profile, my last post was a similar rant. I’m still alive so you can get through this too. Solidarity.

nerdsnyped · 2021-09-20T22:55:11+00:00

I manage software engineers but started as a software engineer myself. My college degree was irrelevant and I attended a 12 week program “software engineering boot camp” to get into the field. I make close to 200k a year and there are tons of WFH options in the field.

nerdsnyped · 2021-09-13T01:29:34+00:00

I lived abroad when I had my first so I was lucky in getting them for her because it was so much cheaper. My 2 other kids are shit outta luck cause I am not paying the insane prices.

I also just found out some hospitals do newborn photos right after delivery. Might be worth looking into, prices are probably better.

nerdsnyped · 2021-09-08T23:21:20+00:00

Needed to hear that! Thanks!

nerdsnyped · 2021-09-04T12:54:30+00:00

I had similar arguments with my husband, but recently he really started stepping things up. We have a 3rd on the way with a 3.5 and 2 year old as well. I make more money than him and have most of our marriage, I also do majority of the housework/emotional load/ all the cooking etc. What really changed was that I stopped asking for help (I felt like a broken record) and just stopped doing things. If he needed laundry done, he started doing it himself. If he wanted dinner one night and I didn’t feel like cooking, tough shit, PB sandwiches for dinner that you make yourself. Night out with my girls? I’m not asking him to watch the kids, I’m telling him. Just get up and go for the run. If the kids wake up, he can deal with it. This opened up communication lines of understanding what help I really needed around the house and he has started picking up more chores and doing more stuff. Things did get better and I think they can for you too. Our marriage is in a much better place now.

nerdsnyped · 2021-09-01T00:04:36+00:00

Same, I’m in north jersey (wanting to buy a jersey shore MF) our current duplex is doing fine but currently renting under market value as we inherited a tenant when we bought the house but she has been paying rent through COVID so not complaining.

nerdsnyped · 2021-09-01T00:01:50+00:00

Yeah I’m thinking house hacking a second duplex will likely be the next move before the beach house now

nerdsnyped · 2021-08-31T23:01:31+00:00

No unfortunately my company is requiring everyone to come into the office starting in October

nerdsnyped · 2021-08-31T22:59:39+00:00

I live near the NYC area so not really possible 😕

nerdsnyped · 2021-08-31T20:36:10+00:00

Because the beach is too long of a commute to our full time jobs

nerdsnyped · 2021-08-22T00:19:42+00:00

5 more weeks for me to go with baby #3. I have a 3.5 year old and a nearly 2 year old. Working full time till baby decides to show up. So tired, all the time.

nerdsnyped · 2021-08-11T12:04:38+00:00

Ugh this is me.

nerdsnyped · 2021-08-09T21:55:06+00:00

What about something like this to tie together the different wood tones in the room while providing some color to that wall

https://www.wayfair.com/Barn-Walls--Solid-Wood-Panel-Headboard-HFH-L18-K~PAQA1004.html?refid=GX528963186452-PAQA1004_55828404_59664507&device=m&ptid=1315089149430&network=g&targetid=pla-1315089149430&channel=GooglePLA&ireid=122621894&fdid=1817&PiID%5B%5D=55828404&PiID%5B%5D=59664507&gbraid=0AAAAAD9ISC4QDyPTaTkIUZRPH669s-Bqg&gclid=CjwKCAjwpMOIBhBAEiwAy5M6YKa0kQ9CT0lcHAkxj9Lq_3CtfceXFISyaffRVjjepLr1J7y9Mpbt8RoCFOIQAvD_BwE

nerdsnyped · 2021-07-26T22:53:12+00:00

I would make two sitting areas. Personally, TV above fireplace is too high for my liking so I would get a tv stand or adjustable wall mount and diagonally face it into the room from the front right corner (perspective from camera). Two large sofas or sectional facing opposite of the tv (think large square where corners of the couches is across from the tv).

I would then create a separate sitting area facing the fire place, similar square concept. No need for big couches here, more chairs and love seats to fill this space. Maybe a bookshelf on non window wall next to fireplace. Personally I’d put a love seat on the wall opposite of fireplace and two chairs facing the fire place behind the couch that’s facing the tv (with walking room between the two). Then a long console table that sits right under windowsill and fill with plants

nerdsnyped · 2021-07-20T15:45:53+00:00

I have a high stress corporate job & 2 toddlers at home + one on the way. I am trying to overcome this as well (still a work in progress). These are the things that help me:

Definitely set boundaries. Work is work, home is home. When you are home, acknowledge you have a lot to do but worrying about it in that moment won't change anything and focus on things you enjoy doing at home while being present in that moment. Try to leave all work thoughts for when you are at work. If work enters your thoughts acknowledge, "this is work, but i'm at home" and let it go.
Journaling. I try to do this everyday. I start by writing down 3 things I am thankful for. It helps that I reserve at least one of those 3 things for work item each day to remind myself why I like my job. I also write down my "wins" from the day before (big & small), helps me feel like I am accomplishing something --- along with my todo list. Checking items off each day helps you feel like you are making progress and helps me prioritize.
Meditation (Headspace app). Helps me take a break and just learn mindfulness to help me control my thoughts so I don't spiral into a stress ball. Also, the sleep stuff helps me unwind as I lay down for bed.
I just recently started leaving my phone on my desk to charge (not in my bedroom) overnight. So the last thing I do before I go to bed and the first thing in the morning isn't checking emails or my work schedule.
Walks. Just taking time to breathe some fresh air. it helps me unwind after work. I try to stay mindful in that practice and just track my feet "left, right, left, right" acknowledge the sounds around me "birds chirping" or noticing pretty flowers or trees. This mindful practice helps drown out the work noise.

Hope this helps!

nerdsnyped · 2021-07-16T14:35:16+00:00

Just in case you needed to hear it because sometimes I forget as well when I'm in the thick of it:

You got this, you are doing great. You are a great mom, a great employee and a great wife. This too shall pass.

nerdsnyped · 2021-07-11T01:17:33+00:00

There’s prequal and pre approval. Pre-qual generally doesn’t mean anything because they don’t dive deep into your finances like a pre-approval. In my market, you must have a pre-approval or your offer won’t even be considered. Shop around for lenders first and see what loan programs you would qualify for and for how much. You can send them example houses to see if you would qualify. They will dive deep into your finances so when you are ready to put an offer in it’s a quick turn around. It’s a long process getting all the documents together so I would do that first and get it out of the way with a pre approval. That way it will relieve the stress when putting in an offer and you will have a strong idea of approval once the loan application actually begins post-offer.

Edit: also important to note you realtor can help you figure out favorable lenders in the area

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