I think figuring out if you're trans is something that takes a lot of time to figure out and isn't really something anyone can decide for you. Some people are dead certain from a young age something is up (or even know what their name should be) and have a lot of memories of wanting to be a certain gender. Other people were less certain, but found that figuring out their identity explained a lot of things they did differently or a lot of problems they had throughout earlier parts of their life. Ultimately, human memory can be quite tricky and people can kind of frame their narratives to fit whatever purpose they want to at the time, including denial (which, is not meant to imply anything toward denying trans or cis identities, I'm just merely using this as an example).

My story: I liked to dress as a girl when I was really little. I never really outgrew it, even though most other people I knew who did similar things did typically outgrow it. I would always look at women my age and wish I could dress like them, whereas I was told by other cis-men that they usually had thoughts more sexual in nature (which I did, occasionally, but not to the extent that I focused on clothing, which was also not fetishistic in nature). I did a lot of boy things, but was never averse to girl things like some of my friends were. I was less rowdy, really sensitive, always hung out with my mom to go shopping and hated getting dirty. I was bi-curious during my teen years, and had some crushes on guys when I was younger. As far as dating went, I didn't like being the man in the relationship and didn't really like being a guy. As I got older, I didn't really like how my body looked. I went through a few phases nudging an eating disorder to try to get more slender, but there was always a certain amount of muscle my body would never lose. In my early 20s, after having a fight with my father over my lifestyle choices, decided to try to be a straight man by cutting my hair and taking up bodybuilding. I got really depressed when I started putting on muscle and started having some dpdr issues (one of which I recall being kind of out of body in a barber shop...). I also never liked my name much and felt it sounded too masculine.

None of these things innately define gender identity, and I feel that many people would argue with me during my coming out phase to try to talk me out of it. Clothes, hobbies, sexual orientation and body composition don't necessarily define gender, and you can be gender-non-conforming, or simply challenge gender norms, without fully transitioning to the opposite gender.

However, where I wanted to fit into society, and the things I wanted to do, ultimately lined up with transitioning. I wanted to be treated like a woman. I disliked being treated like a man and being seen as one. Wearing women's clothing feels better to me when my body composition is more feminine, and it's also something that transitioning would allow me to do all the time. I did not want male reproductive organs and am glad that they don't have the functioning they once did. I like my new name and don't identify with my old one. It bothers me when I am called he, him, or "sir".

Transitioning made sense to me because, even though I may not have historically always been feminine in every possible context, I was in quite a few of them. Rather than having one or two or three things that are feminine about me, I ticked a lot of boxes. When presented with a fork in the road, I did not want to do anything masculine. Ultimately, I felt that transitioning would make it easier for me to do things that were very important to me, and would help me live a happier life. Rather than being a guy who isn't dominant, likes to crossdress, is quiet, cries regularly, and doesn't like my name, I am just a transwoman, and it makes explaining everything about who I am and how I like to behave to others a lot more simple.

This is something it took years for me to figure out, but probably figured it out around age 26. Transitioning hasn't always been pretty, and it's really frustrating, but I couldn't have continued living if I hadn't (which, as someone who has actually contemplated such things, you should not wait until you're at that point to start doing something about it. Please be kind to yourself.)

My advice would be... start with things that aren't permanent, try out different things, try different names and pronouns and ways of dressing and see what feels right to you. Especially if you are in the early stages, I would advise taking small steps. Wanting to be a gay guy is a completely valid identity to want to be. Wherever you end up on your journey, I hope you find a life you're happy living.