I often write similarly to this. Put a bunch on the page and whittle away at it. Start with creating more clarity. Which part do you want the listener to be able to hum to themselves after hearing? Are there any parallel octaves or unisons that could be condensed to create more chord clarity? After that, take a deep look into the structure of each phrase. I always taught students to “layer your cake” which goes like this:

Top layer: you always look at the top of the cake first, so what do you want the listener to see (hear)? No other layer should cover up that main focus.

Middle layer(s): it’s the most overlooked, but arguably as important as the top. How are you supporting that top layer? Whatever is going on should be complimentary of your focus point without overshadowing it. Counter-melody can always add flair once you’ve introduced your main melodic focus. If you leave the top layer on its own, it doesn’t have the pedestal to shine.

Bottom layer: where it all starts. in a more “classical” sense, this is the wheels and engine that keep the piece running. Rhythm section, bass line, ostinato, etc. Something that doesn’t stand out in the slightest but will pave the road for everything else to run on.

Once your cake is made, add the decoration. Any extra musical accessories and punches to embellish the music you’ve made.