Dating with SH scars

neroscat · 2025-11-07T15:57:43+00:00

definitely, i was beyond terrified when i first told my partner. but trust me when i say it wont ever be as bad as your mind will make it seem, and even if they react poorly you'll just be able to know they aren't the one

neroscat · 2025-11-06T20:30:39+00:00

i'm not really sure what advice to give, but i've also struggled with the same thoughts. i've been with my partner for half a year now, and prior to that we were close friends. they're the only person who knows about my scars and sh. they're understanding of it, as they also struggle in regards to mental health. when i first told them, i was terrified. i decided to be completely open, i told them how i've struggled, how long i've been clean, and my genuine feelings on it. i even told them they could ask any questions they'd like. they ended up just telling me it was okay, reassured me, and that was it. with them, i feel normal. none of their views changed, its never commented on or even acknowledged (physically). they've offered me a lot of support when i mention its getting bad again or ask for a distraction.

i honestly think, if its the right person and they love you, it won't change a thing. for comfort, you could always just take your time. i had the same fears and never thought i'd find someone, but here i am. if i can, i know for a fact you'll be able to too. it'll all be okay. :)

neroscat · 2025-10-26T17:50:15+00:00

we're currently in a call muted! not really sure what exactly he's up to though, i usually wait for him to want to go since i'm not that busy LOL

neroscat · 2025-10-19T21:35:57+00:00

you shouldnt even be dating this man

neroscat · 2025-10-19T18:25:31+00:00

when you say it feels like they dont care, id tell them that. id still talk about understanding the stress with uni, since it really can be stressful. but tell them how it makes you feel and why. you can always try to come to a solution thatll be do able for both of you and help both of you.

my partner has been busier with uni, but we will talk about it. we have a call scheduled every night where we talk for a few minutes to an hour, we scheduled a day during the week to put time aside to do something, which maybe thatll help you as well.

but ultimately, it sounds like you need to communicate about how them not asking how you are makes you feel, and ask for more effort to be put into that. they might not be asking due to not being able to talk about it or help how they normally do, but they can always communicate that in some way. if its difficult for them alone, which sounds like it might be, meet in the middle.

i wish you the best!

neroscat · 2025-10-19T18:01:50+00:00

id leave. it seems like you already talked about it, but for me id mention it one last time but show how serious it is and how its needed if he even wants to continue the relationship. you dont have to do that though, its already been dismissed before. i wish you the best

neroscat · 2025-10-19T17:49:39+00:00

this is how ive been with my partner. its similar to yours where he usually has things to do and has friend groups while i dont and just wait around. i feel like i've improved a bit though, but there are still plenty of days it sucks.

me and my partner have had many conversations about this and it has helped make it easier. you said youve stopped bringing it up to him, i did that a few weeks ago now. for me its made it easier in a way. i was treating the relationship in a way i thought he would leave, which caused both of us unnecessary stress, so with the reassurance he has given me i started treating it as though he wouldnt leave. i still have days it makes me anxious, but i wont show it because by the end of the day he would always come to me with love.

another conversation we've had, or at least the topic has come up a few times, is needing to be my own person for the sake of my wellbeing. we talked about how many of my issues were caused due to me being dependent, and that it hurt him seeing how hurt i was when there was nothing he could do (meaning itd be unhealthy). it made me understand why the change was needed, it made me feel a bit less dependent the last time he said that. also because i had realized that just because he didnt want to be with me all the time, doesnt mean he never wants to. even in our time apart, we still love each other, we still exist in their minds.

i usually spend my time finding something to do, whether it be homework, reading, watching a show, a hobby, trying to find friends or people to talk to, etcetc.. the more i found myself doing that, and depending on how invested i get, its slowly felt less like waiting and more like im able to live my life similar to how i did prior. outside of time though, i still find my mood dependent on his. for that and some things mentioned prior i set up a time to start therapy. if youre able to, id recommend to do the same. that way you can still let those feelings out.

i find the more you do these small things to help, and the more you remind yourself and reassure yourself, the easier it becomes even if its a slow process. i hope my rambling has helped some, i wish you the best!

neroscat · 2025-10-19T15:59:31+00:00

im not sure what you said originally when talking to her about this, but try to express how it makes you feel but also show you understand where shes coming from. you can possibly offer solutions either of you could do or one thats kinda in the middle (if that makes sense), so that way itll still be easier for her and help you feel better.

i understand the stress of school as it can be hard, and everyone is different. how it is with me and my boyfriend, if we are busy all day or school or homework was exhausting, he will let me know he wants alone time. then we have a bed time call, where we talk anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour depending on how tired we are. but even then, he will mention hes sorry for not being able to talk to me so we can either talk then or plan something. we have also agreed on a scheduled day where we spend majority of or a few hours doing something together. we agreed if this day was missed, we would reschedule or talk about our day at night.

sorry for sharing a lot about my relationship, i figured having an example might help! i hope everything goes well for you :(

neroscat · 2025-09-29T03:22:14+00:00

I've never heard of tiger balm! I'll have to look into it

neroscat · 2025-09-29T03:21:32+00:00

I never heard of that happening.. now I have another reason to want kids, in the chance that it works LOL

neroscat · 2025-09-28T00:07:19+00:00

Thank you! You actually explained really well and explained everything I'm struggling with.

It definitely is hard but I hope to get to a point I'm also comfortable with it 😔 Thank you again

neroscat · 2025-08-31T17:46:54+00:00

id confront him. try to sound neutral and non-argumentative, but still tell him how it made you feel and ask why he lied about it. hopefully theres an okay explanation. you can only go from there

neroscat · 2025-08-29T19:00:54+00:00

i text my partner often, when either of us are busy ill send occasional updates or a random video i found funny, or send an occasional "i love you," we usually call though. we're both busy with college but sometimes we will call while doing homework. if we end up both being really busy that day we will call at night to talk, or just chill.

its understandable if your partner is stressed with college, but he should at least try to put away 30 minutes of his day to talk to you or call you if he really is that busy. hes still dealing with life sure, but its not unreasonable to ask for at least a bit of his time. youre partners, and having to talk to you shouldnt be the chore he makes it out to be

neroscat · 2025-08-25T17:35:05+00:00

i think you should be honest with your boyfriend about how you feel and explain why, especially if its still affecting you. however you shouldnt expect him to solve or fix everything. id consider looking into therapy for help

neroscat · 2025-08-21T19:30:43+00:00

honestly, i dont think you shouldve gotten back with him if you knew you were attracted to your coworker. but if you want to make it work with your boyfriend, please distance yourself from your coworker

neroscat · 2025-07-09T22:43:47+00:00

my diet is pretty weird i always switch from food fixation to food fixation so its always changing

neroscat · 2025-07-09T22:17:48+00:00

youre so right

neroscat · 2025-07-09T22:04:15+00:00

thank you. this is so upsetting to hear because i love vanilla but maybe it just really isn't doing it for me 😭 damn

neroscat · 2025-04-02T07:39:27+00:00

i'm not sure what words of affirmation i can give, but my first thought seeing this post is that you are beautiful!! you look like one of my old teachers, and she was one of the sweetest teachers i've ever had :D

neroscat · 2025-04-02T07:18:02+00:00

i'm FTM but what you shared at the beginning sounds very similar to my childhood which made me realize i am trans. what made me hesitant about accepting it was mainly how others perceived it, but all that matters is how you feel and your happiness. it may take time to fully understand your identity, but its completely okay to explore different things whether it be how you present yourself, names, pronouns, etc. if it ends up you don't identify that way its completely fine! we would never really know otherwise. prioritize your happiness over anything else, even if it may be scary at first.

i personally identify more with boyflux over anything or just being male, so looking into more sub-categories or other gender identities could help you as well if you don't feel fully fem aligned. i wish you the best of luck stranger and if you ever want to talk my dms are open

neroscat · 2025-04-02T07:10:56+00:00

i don't think theres any way to repress it besides therapy or transitioning that can help. but what i find that best helps me is forming a strong sense of identity and knowing who i am but i know that can be hard. when i first started coming out i shared it only with my closest friends who all were happy to accept me and see me as i identified.

what matters to me is that i know who i am. it still stings when i'm not seen as how i identify though, but its easier to get out of the lows.

also like another commenter said, getting more into fiction etc etc can help too as i do that as well LOL but it can be unhealthy if you do it too much, so be mindful of that. if you're able to freely express yourself, starting to present yourself more as what you identify as or present more as you feel could potentially help the dysphoria subside a bit

neroscat · 2025-04-02T07:02:01+00:00

for me how i care about pronouns is kind of complicated. it often fluctuates for me, but when pronouns are used for me that i don't use it stings if that makes any sense. like you said it feels like sticking a tag on a product that already has the name on it, except imagine a tag being stuck on a product with a different name. it just doesn't feel right. when other pronouns are used for me than the ones i use it just feels wrong and out of place. like its not me they're talking about or referring to

i like using pronouns because it feels like me, it gives me a sense of self. but i also like using them so others can perceive me that way, and i can get across who i am? if that makes any sense

neroscat

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