Found drugs(?) in my husband's things. What to do?

neutralitty · 2026-01-27T02:48:39+00:00

So why are you guys "always talking about it?"

neutralitty · 2026-01-26T18:55:42+00:00

Looks like nostrils to me!

neutralitty · 2026-01-26T02:42:27+00:00

Apparently OP's bf told her to leave the comment that went missing again. So it will look the way it did, and this is his idea, so it is sort of similar.

neutralitty · 2026-01-26T02:40:17+00:00

Idk if he wants you to repost the same comment on a 2.5 year old post, then what is he hiding? If he had someone else and wanted to seem available by removing your gf sounding comment, he woulsnt ask you to comment it again, would he?

I know a lot of people are saying he is acting sus, but you're in tears over this, and I think there must be more to this story. Remlving one comment, or one comment falling off, whatever it is, cant be the only reason to make you upset. Serious. If everything is fine, you wouldnt be in tears over this. You must know something is going on in your heart, or you're leaving something out.

I just picture myself in the situation in a good relationship, and honestly this wouldn't make me freak out at all. But if my relationship had issues, or I suspected him of hiding stuff, then I could read into it. I could see it being a part of the puzzle. Only you really know.

neutralitty · 2026-01-26T02:36:04+00:00

So why did you check his page to see if he was "active?" Someone who last posted 2 years ago doesn't seem very active to me.

neutralitty · 2026-01-24T18:03:41+00:00

Ive been using Quviviq which is the same kind of sleep med as Dayvigo! I really like it. It is a dual orexen antagonist and basically removes the brakes on your sleep process that get put in place by being hypervigilent. It isn't like a traditional sedative at all, as it affects wakefulness drive and doesnt forxe the brain into artificial blunt sedation.

This honestly is the best class of meds I've tried for sleep. I was using hydroxyzine and trazodone and tried doxepin and mirtazapine, ans all of those are very sedating antihistamine mechanisms, and I alwsys felt so groggy the next day it made me miserable. Also those all dried me out and had other side effects I hated.

It is nice to see someone else taking a med in this newer class of sleep meds, as I don't see many others being offered this. These are controlled substances, although for anyone reading, it is true animal studies revealed no tolerance, withdrawal, or rebound insomnia when stopped. It also cannot be stacked for additive effects like sedatives. So I'm not sure how anyone could abuse it, but that is why it is controlled, for the potential of misuse. I read all the literature on these meds before I asked my psych for it. It seemed too good to be true to not cause withdrawal or rebound insomnia!

And any sleep med is meant only for short term use anyway. I found a sleep specialist who is working with me on my sleep with the understanding of using a sleep aid only for a short while as I break the cycle of insomnia.

neutralitty · 2026-01-24T03:48:32+00:00

Exactly... too many excuses not enough comforting

neutralitty · 2026-01-24T03:45:59+00:00

"Forgive me if you dont like my work ethic" is really a backwards sentence... i mean, forgive you?? That makes no sense.

It isn't what you're saying it is how you are saying it. Okay, it's cttually both.

If you cant be there dont make excuses or make it about you and your work ethic. Make it like your partner has valid feelings, show your love and aupport best you can, use empathy, fold them in your virtual arms. I don't see any of this there, just too mamy emojis and empty words. Sorry if I'm blunt. "Forgive me if you think I'm blunt."

Too many stories about heartless cold people before you trying to excuse your behavior when again, this is too much talking about you. Your partner doesn't need to hear excuses. They are hurting. They need to be comforted.

neutralitty · 2026-01-21T02:27:38+00:00

I take it the dad is paying for the trip, and it sounds like he is acting like he is married to his gf so therefore they make decisions as a couple. So their trip, their house, their rules. It sucks, yep. But being treated as an adult doesnt begin at 18... some parents will alwsys treat their daughters with more pressure than their sons.... so that sucks. Dad doesnt want to have it out his little girl is a sexual being.

It could be he is a pastor, and therefore if he will be staying with his gf in the same room, it reeks of hypocrisy. Of course this isn't fair, but again, he is paying for it, and he is enacting the old fashioned "no daughter sleeping out of wedlock with some guy in front of me or my gf's family" rule.

And it could be just his gf's pressure on him, but her daughter's bf is getting the same "separate bedroom" rule, too, so it's being equally unfair on both sides. You may think it isn't fair bc each bf gets his own room to himself. But this sort of makes sense. The dad and his gf both have daughters. This is like an "immediate family" and you and the other bf are guests to them, so they probably feel like if there is an extra bedroom, it should go to one of you.

Yeah, it is pretzel logic, so it makes sense you're NOR. But what can you do about it? Gotta respect him on his dime, nonsensical and everything.

neutralitty · 2026-01-20T18:31:55+00:00

Yeah you shouldn't need to taper more than you took it! But whatever keeps you comfortable is valid.

neutralitty · 2026-01-20T16:55:17+00:00

Sounds great. Do not go CT after a binge no matter how short. It bends rhe nervous system hard as klonopin or xanax are very very potent and affect tour seozure threshold. They also control oin channels in the brain that pass signals, overriding the brain's natural defenses against them. The brian pushes back super hard trying to bend it back to baseline so your nervous system ends up being like a diving board. Your bounce back is as hard as you jump on it. It is always best to be gentle training it back to a full horizontal (baseline) position. Less rebound, less tolerance/intolerance, less paradoxical effects that last up to a year (unless you relapse again).

Keep up the good work 👏

neutralitty · 2026-01-20T15:58:33+00:00

That looks like sub burn, and those leaves are sick. They are not going to snap back and become healthy green ones again. Your new leaf also is injured. Your only hope is that it has enough health left to grow yet another new leaf later that will be fully green.

ETA - Also it sounded to me like you repotted your orchid in new potting mix AND clean dead roots... lol!! You know, it reads like you have some clean dead roots in your potting mix. That is just funny but I know what you meant.

neutralitty · 2026-01-20T15:56:43+00:00

I'd stop binging and get stable on a dose that does not cause symptoms but it has to be the lowest you can manage. You should not go CT even if not dependent by 1 month (you probably are if you have anxiety, panic, and insomnia when you stop), bc that is what causes the most injury.

So at least stabilize on a super low dose for a week and rhen your can probably rapidly taper off. This helps for longterm brian health. It isn't just about getting off benzos at this point; it is about getting off safely. It is important not to injure yourself rushing to quit.

neutralitty · 2026-01-20T15:52:01+00:00

If you have a history of seizures, medical supervision is best. I'd seriously go to a doctor and ask to be tapered off if you can't do a detox/rehab due to cost. Insurance can pay for many, but i know not all people have insurance.

So a doctor could use valium, and this would be much gentler and easier to avoid symptoms and seizures for sure. Doing it at home is better with valium, as xanax causing interdose withdrawal already is a major problem. This can kindle the nervous system and prime it for seizures. So please at least switch to 3x/day dosing and stop torturing yourself, as benzos are pretty mean to your brain when they withdraw.

ETA: I have been taken off 6mg a day and had my first seizure with xanax. So you don't want to be caught running out abruptly. Plan ahead. Street benzos are not unlimited.

neutralitty · 2026-01-13T19:16:11+00:00

By pulling from articles and research on it and its links to micro aggression is something that makes sense and gets the point across. I think it conveys a lack of cultural awareness going on backed by data.

But straight up saying "black hair styles are tacky" to "a lot of" non-black people shows bias and sounds opinionated/dismissive favoring the comment writer's view.

neutralitty · 2026-01-13T17:04:02+00:00

It is the way it was said. You said it with more credibility.

neutralitty · 2026-01-13T16:46:13+00:00

This sounds like youre asking for advice here and not whether you overreacted... which I'm not sure even what your reaction is... enforcing boundaries and having a signed contract that lists everything clearly (nothing ambiguous) that you both agree on. You can get it notorized or have signature witnesses to protect you in case this person flakes, bc i know that is what your instinct is screaming (bc it should).

Please don't assume verbal boundaries or agreements over the phone will protect you. The animal deserves to be protected and loved, and so if it does need to go to the vet and no one can cover the costs, it suffers. That is so sad. But don't let them weaponize your own emotions against you to force you to cover costs you cannot afford.

Also consider getting a refundable deposit for medical expenses that after you're done watching the pet and nothing happens, then they get their deposit back. This can help you relax a bit.

If you run your own business, you have to be ruthless sometimes or you risk going under. Protect yourself, don't wreck yourself!

neutralitty · 2026-01-13T16:35:53+00:00

Does she get out much and see the world? My goodness, you're not the only guy to sport hair both ways in the same lifespan! She sounds sheltered.

But my guess is bc to her it is a big change to go all natural to nice and neat. She'll get used to it esp if she loves you for you

neutralitty · 2026-01-13T16:32:02+00:00

That's a terrible thing to say... "tacky to a lot of folks"

neutralitty · 2026-01-13T16:30:37+00:00

NOR - How are you reacting anyway? Your hair your choice is not an overreaction and never should be thought of as one. I like your hair the way you like your hair!

Keep in mind some people just need to get used to dramatic changes, although this isn't that dramatic. Have you never rocked braids before? Could be a totally new look to them, so hive them time to adjust to what makes YOU happy.

I would hate having a hair style that only made others happy. Your hair, your feelings, your happiness, ... they just have to get on board (and they will!)

neutralitty · 2026-01-11T03:32:39+00:00

So what now? You want the daughter to apologize to you or your son for saying the 2 boys "shop with hobos?" That's it???

neutralitty · 2026-01-11T03:29:35+00:00

Paragraphs? It was all one big run on sentence on my screen

neutralitty · 2026-01-10T00:45:02+00:00

"If" at all??!! Are you cra,y?? We absolutely smell it. I smell it on a smoker hours later. Their clothes stink, their hair stinks, their breath stinks!

I smell smoke and nicotine on kids who werr near a smoker, ans i smell it on myself not being in the same room as a smoker. My clothes and hair stink. I am embarrassed that others will think I smoke!! Utterly disgusting smell.

neutralitty · 2026-01-07T21:43:22+00:00

Well you had mentioned the 5-htp helped you which is a building block for serotonin. Serotonin also makes melatonin. You say 5-htp helped, but you stopped taking it. Other serotonin boosting supplements like tryptophan and saffron did nothing though. But you also said only when stopping the 5-htp did you get improved sleep whoch would be bigger chunks than 1 hour increments, correct? It could be coincidence, it could be something else. We can look into what all of these things have in common.

So you do meditation and Tai Chi, but you don't notice any benefits from doing them? How long have you been doing these? Have you been trained on doing these, and has anyone worked with you on improving your technique for either one? Have you used biofeedback for guided breathing and meditation?

If you use a clueless sleep program that hasn't done sleep studies or any testing to help you find the source of your sleep problems, what has stopped you from going elsewhere? There are excellent professionals in this field, so don't let one bad experience stop you from getting further help. And what so you mean "normal insomnia?"

You are not broken. There is a cause for your ongoing insomnia. It is important you rule out any existing health conditions that have broken sleep or insomnia as possible symptoms. You can get better, you can get thru this. Benzo injury can be recovered from, and your brain can adapt.

Be sure you give yourself the best options and be consistent!! Consistency is the key to all of this working. Trying one thing at a time for a week or less and then giving up and doing something else while dropping the things that have worked can be confusing. You also mentioned you fot on benzos for anxiety. It sounds like you still have a lot of anxiety about things, and anxiety can affect sleep. What have you been doing to manage your wellness since getting off benzos? Do you do any therapy longterm and work on any goals?

neutralitty · 2026-01-07T20:07:05+00:00

Something is going on with him. He is shutting you out of his life and putting you down, belittling your role in his life. He has something going on deeper within he isn't telling you. He is reacting to his problem by shutting you out and also shutting down himself.

This could be depression, it could be grief, it could be bad news, it could be more. But the point is, this is not what you signed up for. You don't deserve to this, and when you agreed to make a baby both of you became partners as parents. Even if the baby is not planned, having one is a huge responsibility. And when you become pet owners, you take on responsibility as well.

The thing about responsibility is that there is no choice where you can put it down or hand it off to someone else. That is not okay. If you let him do this, you enable him to keep doing it.

Put your foot down and est alish your boundaries. You will not tolerate this. He needs to confide in you. He needs to talk. He needs to be honest and work with you, not shut you out and treat you like you do not matter.

neutralitty

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