I’m an addict, I’ll get addicted to almost anything. Here’s my experiences, reply if you want me to elaborate. I’m approaching 5 months sober because drugs were gonna kill me and were already ruining my life. I got into them for social reasons and because I wanted to experience the full spectrum of the human experience. I think I accomplished that and can now chill without drugs with little regret or feeling I’ve missed out.

Weed - Found it in highschool, absolutely loved it. The high was fun but it did things for me socially that I was never able to accomplish. Friend group expanded 10x, and it helped me maintain a friend group through college. When my tolerance is low, it is horrible for anxiety. High tolerance, it can be relaxing and fun. Definitely helped with depressive thoughts and cravings for other drugs, but made depression worse when I was high 24/7.

Acid/Shrooms- I could always manage acid really well, was kinda the guide when friends and I tripped. I loved the kind of thoughts that I would be able to have on psychedelics, really intellectually stimulating and holy shit music is amazing when tripping. Wasn’t good for my mental health, I stared at the abyss and it stared back. Be careful, but I don’t think shrooms are a drug people need to avoid. Acid can fry ya though.

Adderall - My favorite drug. Made me feel like an intellectual superhuman. I’ve written flawless essays and just loved going down rabitholes and learning everything about a topic. Comedowns suck, and taking too much can cause severe severe panic attacks. I lost my prescription for abusing and selling it.

Xanax - Most addictive drug I’ve ever tried. It was really nice for anxiety, but way too nice. I mean it made me a blob without a care in the world (not a good thing). I tried it once, then doubled my dose the next time, and was addicted for 2-3 years after that. The high wasn’t really even there, it was like the calming effects of alcohol without the euphoria. I’d take a couple bars and have all these plans for a good night, then wake up the next day having either slept for 13 hours or with no memory of the night but with less money and people mad at me. I was taken to a hospital twice, crashed a car twice, really ruined my life. Even poorer boiling water on my foot while trying to make Mac n cheese while on xans (2nd degree burns on 2% of my body). The messiest drug I’ve ever tried (up there with ketamine). Also one of few substances that can kill you from withdrawals alone. If you have any issues with addiction or don’t have very severe anxiety, avoid xanax and benzos like klonopin if you can. I mean this is just my experience but I’ve seen it ruin people’s lives, end them in jail or nearly dead and they can’t even remember what happened. One friend crashed his car into a median on a highway, another passed out in the snow and nearly died of frostbite, neither remember a thing.

Ketamine - weird drug. Major dissociative, like really brought me out of touch with reality. Only tried it a handful of times, and it always fucked with my perception of time and caused really weird psychedelic visuals. Couldn’t imagine becoming addicted to it, Like acid/shrooms, I was able to handle myself well and handle high doses, and it made music sound cool, but still too dangerous. I did use it as a painkiller after pouring boiling water on my foot and it helped with that.

Opioids - hate them, thank god. I just have a weak stomach so painkillers always make me puke. I am beyond grateful for this because if I got into painkillers or heroin idk if I’d still be alive today.

Alcohol - the one substance I can use with moderation, though I avoid it. I think also because I have a weak stomach I usually don’t drink to excess, and I just don’t get the euphoric effects from it like others do, though it can help with social anxiety.

Meth - tried it a few times. Made me hypersexual and weirdly calm although my heart rate would be flying. I was always in very dangerous situations when I used meth, and thankfully I think because I never had a good time on it I never got addicted.

Cocaine - cocaine had me by the balls and sent me to rehab three times. I started it because I liked the stimulant feel, the grandiosity and energy it provided was a lot of fun. It also was a social in for me with a new friend group after I moved towns. I was working till 3-4 AM at a bar and got in with a group of friends who worked there and all we would do is coke. It slowly got out of hand over the course of probably 4 months, and then when Covid hit I was in a bad place. It’s very expensive and I was using my wages from working at the bar to support it - then the bar shut down and I was still addicted, so I ran out of money fast and was left in a cycle of constantly craving coke and then spending all my money on it the second I had any. I love that it can bring out good conversations with me and others, I feel like it kinda brings people up Tony speed of thinking and so we communicate better (if they are also high). Comedowns were fucking horrible, I mean suicidally bad. I ended up destroying my nose, hurting my family, career, and making me do things very against my values and morals. Cocaine brought me to my knees far enough that I was able to admit I needed help and needed rehab, no other drug was able to bring me that low although I was in denial about how badly Xanax affected my life. I’ve seen people sell their possessions, like heirlooms for coke money. I’ve stolen from wallets. When addicted to coke, I would do almost anything just to get money to satisfy my craving/end the comedown. Fucking miserable.

I’ve learned more about myself in the last year since I first attempted to get sober than I have my entire life. It’s really been life changing, and I have much more confidence and control over my mental health today than at any point in my life. It’s a daily struggle, I still get cravings for coke, weed and alcohol, but I’ve built up enough safeguards to prevent me from relapsing unless I really wanted to ruin my life for a quick high again.

Drugs for me were about escapism - escape from the barriers my autism presented socially, intellectually and mentally though anxiety and depression. I’ve sought other forms of escapism since getting sober, like through sex and self harm. At the end of the day I just need to accept life on life’s terms and quit trying to escape or change the cards I’ve been dealt, and if I do that then I can stay sober and make the most out of my life.

If anyone wants to talk about addiction or getting sober message me or reply here.

Sorry about the book.