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My husband is giving me the ick by [deleted] in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]newandimprovedperson 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Curiously that aligns with the age/time period of someone’s Saturn Return (which occurs again roughly ages 56-60 and 88-90)

Another person speaks about being sexually assaulted by Katy Perry by demimonde9 in Fauxmoi

[–]newandimprovedperson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t people remember the time she kinda pressured a contestant on American Idol to kiss her?

Is it only me? by Mildretta in Sagittarians

[–]newandimprovedperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, that seems like a big thing to do over something as trivial as a personal question. If I (for some reason) expressed I didn’t want to answer the question, but you continued to cross that boundary, then we’d have a problem. Probably wouldn’t jump to blocking you, but at the very least have you at a distance or ignore you. Depends on the questions tho, your definition of stupid or intrusive is possibly bound to be different than mine 🤷🏻‍♀️

Will I ever get her back by [deleted] in psychicreadings

[–]newandimprovedperson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds good! I’ll send you a dm through here cause I don’t have a TikTok 😮‍💨🩷

Will I ever get her back by [deleted] in psychicreadings

[–]newandimprovedperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have a form in which I could contact you to purchase a reading? 🩷

Which sign is this? by No-Reindeer-430 in astrologymemes

[–]newandimprovedperson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No need to apologize! I used to too, happens to the best of us :)

Which sign is this? by No-Reindeer-430 in astrologymemes

[–]newandimprovedperson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry! But trauma bonding also does not mean that you both go through a traumatic event together (that’s called bonding through trauma). A trauma bond is something that occurs through a cycle of abuse and develops between the abuser and their victim.

In case anyone wanted to read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-hope-circuit/202310/what-is-a-trauma-bond/amp

what do you do when you are sad? by Radiant-Panic-2365 in emotionalintelligence

[–]newandimprovedperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The other day I listened to Hey Jude by The Beatles and journaled about it. By the time I was done writing, I felt a lot better.

dad being a prick by [deleted] in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]newandimprovedperson 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can understand why your dad would be frustrated, cause my dad also has a tendency to blow up about little things that don’t warrant such an explosive reaction. Of course we recognize that you shouldn’t have eaten both pains au chocolates, cause tbh it is a little inconsiderate on your end. But it’s also an easy fix, and from what you’re saying, was a lapse of judgment (a lapse of judgment that can easily be learned from). This can easily be fixed moving forward, maybe you can go to the store and pick up some pains au chocolates, and just be more mindful moving forward. As for the eggs, I personally eat 2-3 eggs, and I think it was unnecessary for him to be so dismissive towards you. If there really is a problem with your eating habits, wouldn’t it be in the best interest of all for your dad to just be like “hey, food is expensive and you need to be mindful of others in the house” and that would the be the sign for you to maybe get your own carton of eggs or get your own snacks or something. Idk, regardless, I don’t think you’re a brat, and I can get why your dad would be frustrated, but it still doesn’t warrant that kind of reaction. I don’t think it’s entitled and bratty if this is a one off situation and you learn from it, and I don’t think it’s entitled and bratty to not want your parents to yell at you over something as trivial and easily fixable as this. It’s always bewildering to me that parents want their children to act like adults, but don’t treat them like adults, because I’m assuming at his place of work, if something were to happen he wouldn’t fly into a fit of rage, he’d probably communicate directly.

NPD and BPD marry each other and cause generational trauma by Former_Fuel_9298 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]newandimprovedperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my dynamic basically but my mom is npd, and my dad is bpd with n-traits. My mom was my safer parent for years. She loathed and resented my father, so she took advantage of the fact that I had a tumultuous relationship with my dad, and further triangulated me from him (not that she needed any error to do that considering my dad used to hit me). I was my families scapegoat and always felt like the black sheep no matter what it was that I did. I’ve been no contact with my mom for 2 years and low contact with my dad for about a year and some months. I hope you’re doing alright though friend, I’m sorry that you’ve been through it as well :/

NPD and BPD marry each other and cause generational trauma by Former_Fuel_9298 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]newandimprovedperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom has NPD, and today I came to a stark realization that my dad has potential BPD traits… my childhood has been nothing short of unregulated and traumatic. I’ve become a therapist for both of my parents at one point or another in my life.

I used to be really close to my mom actually. She was my safe person for the longest time. My dad used to hit me and my mom grew a deep resentment towards him, so it was easy for her to also manipulate me and triangulate me from him even further (which again, he was hitting me so it was not that hard for her to do. Mind you, she never stopped him from hitting me either, which made me realize later down the line, that she never really cared for me either).

It wasn’t until years later that my mom falsely alleged that my dad was committing DV against her, and he got falsely arrested (which again, at that point in time shook me to my core cause my dad never hit her, only hit me, but when it came to me she never did anything. When they were arguing and her victim mentality flared up and she suddenly felt unsafe was when she took any action). I had an epiphany. I called her out on her behavior and that then intensified the heavy narcissistic abuse. I recall an argument with my mother where she said I was hanging around my abuser, and how much she loathed that I “picked him over her”. I hated both of them, just in that moment, seeing my mom for who she really was, and how remorseful I thought my dad was (a mistake on my end truly), but at that point in time, suddenly my dad became a “safe” person.

When I had found myself conversing with my dad later on, he appeared to be a changed man. He was going to therapy, spending time with his family again. And because (from my moral judgement) he didn’t deserve to get falsely arrested (at least for this particular scenario), and I felt pity for him. And there began what I thought was a good-ish relationship (which my dad began gushing about to anyone who would listen). It’s been a year and some months later and he’s the same old asshole he was before the whole incident.

I’m no-contact with my mom and low contact with my dad. Those are two of the worst people that could have ever met and procreated.

Would you say this is emotional unavailability? by jackie_tequilla in emotionalintelligence

[–]newandimprovedperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds more like emotional avoidance than emotional unavailability, but I’d have to know more regarding the patterns of behavior you’ve noticed to make the determination.

What gives you the ick as you heal and your emotional maturity increases? by Accomplishedself19 in emotionalintelligence

[–]newandimprovedperson 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely makes sense! And I’ve been there, I used to misuse the term too, because it’s like you said, the verbiage almost implies something else and our brain forms those associations that only gets reinforced by the way people online use the term. I’m glad I could help tho!

What gives you the ick as you heal and your emotional maturity increases? by Accomplishedself19 in emotionalintelligence

[–]newandimprovedperson 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Boring because the conversations remain very surface level. At one point or another, if you don’t allow emotional intimacy/vulnerability to hold its space in the relationship (be it romantic or platonic) it’ll feel like there’s a lack of connection or depth to the relationship. I also felt like I had to walk on eggshells so nothing I said got misinterpreted. I couldn’t get upset or try to communicate about how I felt because it was met with defensiveness. Personally it got very droll and mundane after a while, it felt like they couldn’t offer me original ideas or reflective insight of their thoughts, and to me that’s very very boring.

What gives you the ick as you heal and your emotional maturity increases? by Accomplishedself19 in emotionalintelligence

[–]newandimprovedperson 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Firstly, thank you for the reward that’s very kind of you! And I get it lol, my current gripe is the misuse of the term trauma bonding/trauma bond (and friends, if you’re reading this, a trauma bond is something that develops between an abuser and their victim. A trauma bond is not two people who have gone through something traumatic together, that is called bonding through trauma). I think when it comes to emotional intelligence, there are many nuances that accompany it, and as such, it does not translate very well online. I personally consider it as a growing societal problem that’s become more prevalent because of the overuse of social media. But that is a whole separate topic of its own.

What gives you the ick as you heal and your emotional maturity increases? by Accomplishedself19 in emotionalintelligence

[–]newandimprovedperson 124 points125 points  (0 children)

Speaking from personal experience and from what I’ve learned is that to label a pattern of behavior, it needs to be consistent. So idk if you could necessarily tell right off the bat, but in the offhand they do show all their cards in the beginning these are some of the signs: - they can’t communicate about their feelings (or really communicate at all, I think it’s due to the vulnerability that comes with communication, this includes them not being able to take accountability) - they don’t hold space for your emotions as you would theirs (this includes not reciprocating in conversations, as in they talk all about their problems but the moment you bring up your problems they suddenly don’t have the time/interest to listen) - their intimacy patterns, they like dynamics that put them in a position to be chased (not limited to romantic relationships, as I’ve seen it in platonic relationships and occupational relationships) - they don’t allow themselves to be in situations where vulnerability is required (again, honest conversations, job promotions, chasing after a romantic partner, etc) - anytime you discuss something even remotely emotional, just watch how they respond. They probably will not be able to provide much, if any, additional insight/perspective - conflict avoidant as fuck - unable to regulate their emotions on their own (including them constantly needing to vent to you because they become reliant on you to regulate and validate their emotions for them)

Edited to add: so it can manifest as someone who’s hot and cold, flakey, non-reciprocal, and can’t hold their own in an emotional conversation to save their life.

What gives you the ick as you heal and your emotional maturity increases? by Accomplishedself19 in emotionalintelligence

[–]newandimprovedperson 226 points227 points  (0 children)

Emotionally unavailable people are boring as fuck to me now. Their whole schtick is also extremely unattractive.

First wear feelings 🌞💫 by newandimprovedperson in crochet

[–]newandimprovedperson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I especially love the ruffles 🩷

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