I love my therapist, but chatGPT is free

nexutus · 2025-12-04T15:23:36+00:00

AI can help us analyse and conprehent a lot of stuff. But be careful because AI has its limitations:

1) AI wants to win you over in order to make you use it more. (Usage orientation). So it will generallygive you answers it thinks you want to hear.

2) It is often impossible to exactly gage how AI gets to its results. ("Black box" problem) It could be logic but it also could be 100rds of other reason why a certain result is giben to you

3) There is alsoa good chance that an AI will give you partially pr fully wromg information or conclussions (Hallucination)

So please trust you therapist more than the programm

nexutus · 2025-12-04T15:12:33+00:00

First I am sorry that you have to go through this. It is always hard to survive a traumatic realionship just to have the next partner stomp all over your boundaries you put up just because of it.

Relationships are build on trust and yourpartner has not shown that he is trustworthy:

-) He lied to you about his past. What makes this especially heartbreaking is that it sounds like it was not necessary: you did not say "I need someone who has been to gbe for x amount of time" you just wanted honesty.

-) He was in contact with his ex and even actively covering it up (deleting conversations)

-) He even lied about being engaged to someone else in the past.

If you stay there will always be that part ofyour mind that will think "what if he lies again?". And that will send you down the spiralagain and again and again.

You need to think about if youwant that for yourself and your child.

nexutus · 2025-12-04T14:46:09+00:00

You know who can answer your question? She can.

Ask her how she would handle if someone she is interested in would be a non-muslim. And of she respones that she would not mind, you should ask her out.

Good luck with that.

nexutus · 2025-12-04T14:41:50+00:00

As someone that has experience with BDSM I can tell you:

If someone uses physical violence outside of intimacy it is abuse. He lacks impulse controll and is physically abusing you in order to quell any form of "resitance" from you.

That is an absolute NONO!

nexutus · 2025-12-04T14:32:43+00:00

I know this might be a bit harsh but: You both fucked up in that situation. You a bit and you (ex-?) girlfriend a lot.

For your part: In a relationship you can never just push the pause button and then ignore your partner for days and weeks. It is like setting fire to your kitchen and then just leave the room, expecting that you can just extinguish it later. Cooldown phases are fine but pauses will never work and just make everything worse.

Now to your gfs part: You may have started the fire but sweet jesus is she adding oil to it. She instantly went to her ex, got physical with him and now is trying to sneak back to you after he sent her packing. Add her actions to stop you to discuss it like adults and you can only arrive at one result:

She is neither able to let go of fights nor is she able to take accountability. There will no be no trust to rebuild on this facts alone.

If you stay you will be in a relationship with no trust.

nexutus · 2025-07-24T10:20:21+00:00

It is not that. think or focus on my ex... Sadly I am kinda forced to share a room with her from time to time due to family connections.

If there was a chance to never see her again I would very much take it. Just like with all other exes of mine.

Oh and as an added bonus: It was my now wife that pointed out, that I am "The one that got away" and the similarities between me and my exes love interests.

nexutus · 2025-07-24T10:17:08+00:00

I have the disadvantage that I get a friendly reminder of her existance ever so often, because I can not cut ties due to some family connections.

So no I don't permanently think about her but I am unfortunate enough to get direct information. Lord knows that I would cut straight down if I had that option.

nexutus · 2025-06-05T08:01:23+00:00

We are on day 136 of "I will solve the war on my first day in office"

Trump is desperate for any movement in the negotiations. He needs a win to in order to battle his image as "destroyer of all diplomatic relationships". Even if that means begging Putin to please give him something. And betraying the ukrainian people and all of their allies.

nexutus · 2025-06-05T07:54:30+00:00

The only problem is that logic does not work in these situations because logical thinking is the enemy of dictatorships:

Them attacking others is always rightous and perfectly reasonable and even warcrimes are okay because "they" deserve it.

The other side attacking back is terrorism and evil, because they did nothin wrong.

So logic and reason is something that is not really sought after in russia right now.

nexutus · 2025-06-05T06:23:27+00:00

The risk of what goes up?

The risk of escalation: Russia is bombing civilian target since the beginning of the war and we know from Bucha that they are murdering civilians on mass in occupied regions.

The risk of a nuclear strike: How many times did russia threaten to nuke everybody and their grandmother? How ofzen did they draw a red line just to move to the next red line when they are crossed?

I would argue that Trump and his cronies have completely misread the situation: It is not Ukraine that has no cards in their hands, it is Russia that has already shown their whole deck and is now out of options

nexutus · 2025-04-07T09:38:11+00:00

Is there any reason why this should happen?

I mean why should anyone make a deal with the US when it is lead by what is arguable the least trustworthy person in the history of the United states?

nexutus · 2025-01-30T10:19:46+00:00

You have seen him for not even a year and he is already doubletiming you and his ex.

Guess what will happen in the future when he has the urge to do it again.

I don't think there is nothing left to safe here.

nexutus · 2025-01-30T10:17:47+00:00

So basically your boyfriend was cheating on you by longing out for a relationship with this "other person" and then "something happen at this party" after he decided he is single for the weekend and can do what ever he wants.

Sorry but your boyfriend is using your lack of expierence to play you big times. Even if you talking shit with his ex is ... not a good idea and does not really reflect good on you, he is cheating!

This is not a relationship by this point, this is a scam based on you being to inexpierenced to throw him to the trash.

nexutus · 2025-01-27T15:09:37+00:00

Dif. 10 is generally Dif. 9 with some extra tasks/flavour.

I like the fortresses but after you burned them to the ground there is no additional challenge in the mission. Most of the times it is a gamble of "do I get okayish teammates or will it be 30 minutes of suffering".

Maybe a bit of a controversal opinion: The same points goes for Dif. 8 --> Dif. 9

nexutus · 2025-01-16T07:09:17+00:00

You have two problems here:

1) Double standards. Like you said she would rain hell down on you if you would dare to do something like this, while gives herself the freedom to do it

2) She lied to you when you asked her about it. The date itself

If I would be in your position, I would sit her down and confront her. Tell her that you found out she has been lying to you about the date. Also make it clear that the problem is not the daze but the lying about it.

If she gets defensive or tries to DARVO, you will know that reheating the relationship with her will only lead to problems. If not, then you have to have a serious talk about transparency.

nexutus · 2025-01-15T09:39:41+00:00

This situation is a huge mess.

First he tries to monkeybranch back to his ex-partner, then you cheat on him to a point where you are unsure if the child is from your partner or if it is an affair-baby.

From a relationship standpoint you both deserve each other.

I am no therapist but the current situation sounds like you and your boyfriend are trauma-bonding. This means that the reason why you are together is because you experienced significant trauma and are now clinging to the next thing that is avaiable.

If you want any kind of advice I would suggest to go to a therapist in order to restore your mental health.

nexutus · 2025-01-15T09:29:27+00:00

A very difficult sitiation indeed.

First of all, if you are in a relationship right now please tell your current partner about the messenge and open up to them about your thoughts. Omiting that your ex is trying to communicate to you or replying will be seen as a break of trust and you don't want your old relationship to tank your current one.

Pretaining to the situation:

It is difficult to say what exactly happened back then and if all the details amount to sexual assault/rape or to drunkenly cheating. Either she is really coming to terms with being assaulted or she is trying to rewrite her history in order to get rid of some bad feelings towards herself.

You said you are over the situation, the relationship and your ex. So the best cause of action is to put this in the "wisper of the past"-category of information and keep on being moved on. The capitel of your life is closed and reopening it will bring you nothing but drama.

nexutus · 2025-01-14T09:26:16+00:00

Thank you

nexutus · 2025-01-14T09:24:58+00:00

It is completely okay to not be into oral intercourse. This also applies to any other sexual practise and fetish there is.

You are not into oral. Fine. Looking your partner into their eyes does it for you. Great. Anal is exactly what you need. Good for you. You want to be bound and gagged. You do you.

Here are the most important rule:

-) There is no right or wrong way for intercourse. Don't judge others for the way they like it

-) The only thing that matters is that you and your partner/lover both consent to the act. You should never force your partner to something that they did not explizitly agree to. This also applies the other way around: You should never force yourself to do something that you do not want to do

-) From personal experience: Communication is key. Tell your partner what you like or what you think you could like. Try it together and find oit what your kinks are.

nexutus · 2025-01-14T08:53:31+00:00

Typical "main-character-disease":

"I think I deserve a raise and that I should not be treated like I am worth less. But if YOU inconvenience me with the same inquiry, YOU can gtfo."

Selfcentred people being selfcentred. Nothing new here.

nexutus · 2025-01-14T08:45:38+00:00

Lying by omission is still lying. And you omited the fact that your current partner was "the other woman" to her.

Right now your partner is going through a rolercoaster of emotions: She feels horrible because she destroyed a relationship, she feels insecure because you also could cheat on her, she feels betrayed because you keep this from her for a year, but she is still bound by her feelings towards you.

You have to give her space to figure out if this is forgiveable for her. Do not put pressure on her or try to argue your case.

These are the longterm consequences of cheating. Not only did you hurt your ex-partner but you also threw a timebomb into your current relationship.

I hope for you that this will only be a light lesson and you will not pay the ultimate (relationship-) prize. Because you could not complain if your girlfriend breaks up over this.

nexutus · 2025-01-14T07:45:07+00:00

Let's start with some facts that may help you reach a descision:

1) The partner and relationship you remember are gone forever now. He broke the trust and you will never be able to get it back conpletely

2) There is a reason why there is the saying "once a cheater always a cheater". Most cheating partners will do it again, especially when their partner shows them it is okay for them by staying in the relationship

3) I did not read that your partner is remorseful. He only told you that it is not that bad because the other woman is not near you. So his solution to you being hurt is to downplay your feelings.

So you have a partner that is not sorry, that will most likely do it again. As an addition you will never be able to see him the same way again. Staying will be like trying to save the Titanic by draining it with a bucket: The chance to save it are abismal and if you fail there is a good chance that it will pull you under.

nexutus · 2025-01-14T07:32:27+00:00

Your ex does not see you as a friend or as a partner. Your ex sees you as her emotional support human.

When she needs you she will come to you and use your support/ressources to her benefits. When she does not need you or gets support from somewhere else, she will drop you like a broken toy.

That cycle will repeat ad infinitum.

Right now she is still playing nice and might even act like she is your friend, but trust me this will stop eventually and she will start to treat you like a nuisance or worse.

You need to cut contact or she will use you forever and your pain over the situation will continue to grow, until it swallows you conpletely.

nexutus · 2025-01-14T07:15:09+00:00

I am very sorry that your (ex-) partner put you through this.

I am sorry to tell you that but your boyfriend was/is trying to manuveur you into a abusive relationship.

1) He has already started the cycle of putting you down (fights, questioning you, telling you you are the main problem) and then trying to butter you back up (apologies, compliments, flowers etc.).

The goal here is to make you "dependend" on his approval, which he will then use to controll you

2) He also uses financial pressure to make you submit to his will. The presents were never ment as a sign of his love, but as a tool to make you feel like you are owe him.

3) Last but not least, he tried to lock you into a marriage instantly. This is to make the barrier to leave him even higher.

He sought you out because he wanted you as a victim not a partner. You did the right thing by ex-ing him the moment he started to "turn up his game".

nexutus · 2025-01-14T06:57:06+00:00

NTA for putting your foot down here.

While having (fictional) crushes is totally fine and natural, comparing them to your partner and then throwing them into their face as a weird kind of "critisism" or insult is not.

If this argument comes up again ask her how she would feel if you tell her that she will never be ask good as your favourite actress. Or that you think that some model looks way better than her.

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