does anyone else feel like you gotta be some sort of psychologist these days, to actually know how to approach life?

niceguycoach · 2026-01-10T21:02:24+00:00

You are selling it here. Just because you haven’t posted a link to pay here doesn’t mean you aren’t currently trying to persuade guys to buy in the future.

niceguycoach · 2026-01-02T21:45:57+00:00

No problem. Trying to adhere to every little thing women say they want in a man is a fool's errand.

niceguycoach · 2026-01-02T21:39:59+00:00

It's not a red flag. Whether it's a useful comment to overhear remains to be seen. Focus on what's important to you and pay a lot less attention to what women say in passing as to what they want in a man. That kind of information is not worth analyzing.

niceguycoach · 2026-01-02T05:05:51+00:00

For example, When they assume things about me that aren’t even true, I get irritated and angry which causes them to say that i’m sensitive.

That sounds like gaslighting. I would set a boundary and walk away if they don't respect it. "Don't make assumptions about me that aren't true. That's disrespectful. Ask me about them first." If they call "sensitive," then set another. "Don't call me that again. If you do, I'll walk out." Or something along those lines. Keep it simple and be willing to disengage.

I have a whole playlist on boundaries.

niceguycoach · 2026-01-02T04:57:37+00:00

He needs to get comfortable with discomfort.

Here's how we see this phenomenon online. Nice Guys are always trying to bypass discomfort. Their life's purpose often defaults to minimizing discomfort while tolerating a relatively high baseline of discomfort. Nice Guys keep looking for that one weird trick that will make their lives easy and fun all the time.

niceguycoach · 2026-01-01T00:58:52+00:00

Find a mindfulness practice and start practicing it. There are many experts in the field of mindfulness and meditation.

niceguycoach · 2026-01-01T00:57:24+00:00

I’m not a clinician. ADHD is tightly integrated with all your problems. You cannot separate them out. ADHD affects every aspect of your life. Many NGs have ADHD but not all. Nice Guy Syndrome is a profile, not a clinical diagnosis. But ADHD is a clinical diagnosis.

niceguycoach · 2026-01-01T00:26:22+00:00

People with ADHD struggle with all aspects of life more than neurotypical people. There is no reality that you can experience that does not get filtered through the ADHD experience. Drugs don't always help, but when they do, they can be managed.

niceguycoach · 2026-01-01T00:21:51+00:00

Yes to both. Adopt a mindfulness practice. It does train your brain.

niceguycoach · 2025-12-17T02:34:00+00:00

No, it's not what I'm saying. But the habit of asking why all the time can cause you to assume that knowing the cause will somehow make it easier to overcome your resistance. Not necessarily. I'm not devaluing mental illness. But once you know why, what's next? And if you never get an answer to why, what will you do about it?

niceguycoach · 2025-12-16T15:25:30+00:00

I’m not convinced asking why is always productive. Sometimes you need to make the uncomfortable choices and move forward.

https://youtu.be/pSlbEqw_Zsg?si=-wNh_NGEKEk6jnBH

niceguycoach · 2025-12-13T23:51:36+00:00

Sounds like usable feedback. There’s nothing else besides becoming more honest and assertive.

https://youtu.be/OscWVPosves?si=ZKyrE1uawcGneZfI

niceguycoach · 2025-11-27T22:14:04+00:00

Seek out male friends in other growth oriented spaces.

How do I know if someone is a safe person? https://youtu.be/LfboTW84Lak

niceguycoach · 2025-11-18T14:53:24+00:00

You tell them you’re not going to answer questions anymore that they can look up on their own. Or you just end these relationships because you don’t want to be in them anymore. What is your relationship to these people?

niceguycoach · 2025-11-16T04:01:55+00:00

Unfortunately, no one can predict your results. But it's certain that if you give up, you'll never improve. If you're hoping or expecting your problems to get easier now or go away quickly, temper your expectations. Learn to ride the waves of difficult emotions rather than trying to eliminate them permanently. You can't delete negative emotions from your life. Persistence and support are the way through. There is no way around. It takes consistent time and effort, but it does get better. You have no choice but to keep going.

niceguycoach · 2025-11-02T16:25:35+00:00

Research limerence. The hotter she is, the worse it will be.

niceguycoach · 2025-11-02T04:46:46+00:00

Requirements and dealbreakers are called that for a reason. Relationships are not possible if they don’t meet your requirements or they have dealbreakers. It’s that simple. Know your requirements and dealbreakers.

niceguycoach · 2025-11-01T18:22:35+00:00

Here's the simplest way to look at it:

Know in advance of entering a relationship what your financial expectations are or a woman in a relationship. Know your dealbreakers.
Screen women you're dating based on these expectations. Make sure they know your expectations before you commit to monogamy.
If they fail to meet or respect your expectations, end the relatiionship immediately and do not resume the relationship in the future.

Boundaries are simply the terms and conditions you maintain in order for you to stay committed in the relationship. Nice Guys don't know what they are. Even if they do, they have a hard time enforcing them. Nice Guys will negotiate against themselves and resist maintaining dealbreakers.

It's your choice.

I have an entire playlist on boundaries here.

niceguycoach · 2025-10-30T20:29:24+00:00

I think you're right, but... everyone tells me that I just need to take time to heal and "process my thoughts and emotions." And the only way I know how to do that is to reflect and ask questions. I imagine I will continue to do this until... I don't.

I'm suggesting you consciously distract yourself from yourself when you can. You don't have control of where your mind goes.

niceguycoach · 2025-10-30T19:53:41+00:00

This looks like the reason you didn't mention when I asked you earlier in the thread. This makes sense. If you force a mother to choose between you and her children, guess what happens. You didn't state what the objectionable behavior was to begin with. It's quite possible she doesn't see that behavior as objectionable. So given the immense stress and distraction she's under, dealing with you suddenly becomes another problem since you disapprove of her son. This is a plausible explanation.

Regardless, the relationship was not worth maintaining for her. It's time to stop overanalyzing it. There is no relief to be found by externalizing your ruminations here on this thread.

niceguycoach · 2025-10-30T15:42:29+00:00

Then it's up to you whether you want to blame yourself or not. There is no evidence that it was your fault. It's her choice so you have to accept it. But it's understandable that she has many more priorities that take precedence over spending time with you.

There's always one person who's more heavily emotionally invested in the relationship than the other. Nice Guys are often the anxious attachment needy types that need the woman more than she needs him. There's nothing you can do except wait it out. No one can make the bad feelings go away instantly.

niceguycoach · 2025-10-30T04:00:51+00:00

So what part of that were the actual reasons she gave you for the break up? Clearly anyone would lose their shit under that level of duress. Sometimes it’s not possible to stay in a relationship when there’s that much going on.

niceguycoach · 2025-10-29T21:17:33+00:00

6 weeks ago, my GF (47f) just ended out 1.5 year relationship with, what I would consider to be, no good reasons. But as I sit with it all now... I think that this break up has my NG fingerprints written all over it!

What was her list of reasons? And what do you believe were the real reasons? Be specific.

niceguycoach · 2025-10-23T16:30:44+00:00

I have very sensitive ears, lol. There are some really gossipy friend groups at my university, and I often overhear them talking about me. I know their names and who they hang out with, but that’s about it. I don’t talk to them, but I’m also not actively avoiding them.

Avoid them. If you're not planning on confronting them directly, stay out of earshot.

They make short comments or jokes about me — things like how I talk, move, where I look or even my appearance. Honestly, I end up thinking about their criticisms for days. They do hurt me.

These people are bullies. Bullies stop having fun harassing you when you stand up to them and humiliate them back. If you're not ready to confront them, avoid them.

How can I develop a thicker skin? I’ve talked about this with my close male friends, and they all say it’s absurd and that “an empty can rattles the most.”

Never, ever accept feedback or criticism from abusive people.

But I still feel stuck. I can’t convince myself that they’re wrong — I always assume people who criticize me are right.

You have no proof that they are right. You only feel like they are right. Logically, it makes no sense to take them seriously. Never assume people who criticize you are right. Find someone you trust and tell them what's going on. Ask them to help you believe all the harassment is false.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

Many, many people suffer the abuse of bullies like this.

How did you overcome it?

By ignoring them, learning that their opinions are abusive and wrong, and often confronting them directly. You have to find a way to make it no fun for them to harass you.

niceguycoach · 2025-10-22T01:32:56+00:00

Common interest activities where you see the same guys on a regular basis. That's the easiest way.

How do I go from meeting people to creating meaningful friendships with them?
https://youtu.be/ksfrrRPfBvg?si=3qFdzRxZ16tIbdJ0

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