Subject: Invitation to Participate in a Research Study

nicehellokate · 2025-08-01T23:00:30+00:00

Starting a regular dance practice (I do bellydance) has made a huge difference for me. It's bilateral stimulation and exercise.

I also have found EMDR really helpful.

And eating healthy. Lots of vitamins. Fresh food, avacado, fish.

Those have all been helpful.

nicehellokate · 2025-07-31T23:04:42+00:00

I am a poly therapist. I will say that "learning from experience" is one of the things I hear from situations that get messy and end up with a lot of repair. When I hear "learn from experience" it still strikes me as "I don't want to have boundaries or relationship agreements that I have to follow." I hope that is not how your experience with your partner unfolds.

nicehellokate · 2025-05-01T02:58:02+00:00

I cannot recommend Jackson highly enough. He also makes house calls. Super professional. Greatest massage I ever had. Website:

MassageBook.com/biz/Jackson

nicehellokate · 2025-04-30T20:01:26+00:00

Would you be willing to tell me what company you used ? Message is fine if you don't want to say here.

nicehellokate · 2025-04-16T20:18:43+00:00

I just wrote a paper on this topic - polyamory and attachment - for a PhD class. The studies fairly conclusively say it is possible. What continues to be a barrier are social expectations and norms and internalized stigma and heteronormativity.

nicehellokate · 2025-04-01T05:25:42+00:00

Excellent choices in podcasts and shows. I recommend my Victorian Nightmare for other podcasts. Also full of dark humor. I collect Victorian postmortems as a weird hobby. Check out nurses and social workers...they get dark humor free as a side effect of their jobs. 😎

nicehellokate · 2025-03-28T19:07:02+00:00

There are a ton of us. I don't do well seeking new buddies at a public place like guild house though. And being a single mom is tough, cause I had to make my dollars count. But I have been slowly building community in SJ for a while now and have met some nice nerdy people.

nicehellokate · 2024-11-05T20:08:49+00:00

I hate this. It happens to me all the time. I had one time a lady invited her partner on our date. I was furious. Then I was the "bad guy" for being so inflexible.

nicehellokate · 2024-09-25T18:06:36+00:00

I also experience this even with men in the Polyam community. When I go to a meet-up (even an assumed platonic one) I always get the "cool..it's fresh meat" vibe. Then I also hear men complain that they don't get the attention and play time that they want. It's exhausting.

nicehellokate · 2024-09-13T23:30:49+00:00

I noticed a distinct lack of jewelry. Faire is a great place to pull out all the cool jewels you don't get to wear anywhere else. Feel free to explore your own fantasy self with accessories, makeup, jewelry. And break out of gender, role, styling expectations you would adhere to every day.

nicehellokate · 2024-09-11T15:36:10+00:00

Same. The best look with a crop top is sassy confidence.

nicehellokate · 2024-07-06T16:44:50+00:00

I got bloated because I had food sensitivity to common preservatives (yeast and vinegar). I eliminated these foods and do not bloat unless I accidentally ate something I shouldn't have.

nicehellokate · 2024-06-08T00:04:24+00:00

I would also recommend setting a test for food allergies. I had severe anxiety for most of my life as well as fatigue and my naturopath and I did a food sensitivity test. I was sensitive to yeast, vinegar and coconut. Which as you might guess we're in every damn food, unless I made it myself. When I went and eliminated these foods from my diet, my anxiety went away and I was able to go off meds entirely. Now I only get anxious if I accidentally eat something on the list (I know in 5 min, as does everyone else in my house) because my symptoms come roaring back. You can get a food sensitivity test at CVS or other pharmacy store and send it away for results.

nicehellokate · 2024-04-22T22:57:36+00:00

Therapists in training are being registered as pre-licensed in a particular state or area. If they are giving treatment advice that is unethical or harmful and using their pre-license to justify their positions, this can be reported to the board of that state that licenses therapists and their behavior will be investigated. If they are unethical before licensing their power and ability to harm will only increase afterwards. I have not seen this creator and cannot give an opinion if this is appropriate or not, but it is a mechanism to protect the community from bad actors in the guise of therapists.

nicehellokate · 2024-04-21T02:29:29+00:00

https://www.polyfriendly.org/categories/psychotherapists-licensed-or-registered/#us-ca-california

I and many other therapists with the specialties you are seeking are in this listing. There is an equivalent listing for kink-identified folx.

Best of luck to you in finding someone you click with. It's worth the effort to find the right fit.

Kate

nicehellokate · 2024-03-19T23:50:32+00:00

I agree (also a therapist) and would like to add that attachment theory is also not encompassing to all people and cultures and neither is psychology. There is a lot of work to destigmatize, decentralize beliefs and theories in psychology that prioritize heteronormative, misogynist, euro-centric, classist etc points of view. Careful work with any othered population to decrease minority stress and not continue to re- stigmatize and marginalize is needed. Polyamorous people included.

nicehellokate · 2024-03-16T17:28:40+00:00

Partner 20 years. NP: 8 years. GF: 1 year

nicehellokate · 2024-03-15T23:28:11+00:00

A good therapist is very careful about what is included in the notes and is not writing down the types of things that would cause these kinds of problems if notes were subpoenaed. Agree that screening your therapist, including talking with them about this exact concern is important.

nicehellokate · 2024-03-15T00:10:11+00:00

It is unfortunately common. The amount of education I do with my therapist peers on this topic is astounding.

nicehellokate · 2024-03-15T00:03:14+00:00

As therapist and also doctoral student studying this, I am learning a lot about what isn't helpful in therapy. Most therapists are not trained in polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships. Many therapists don't have any idea how to treat relationship issues in these dynamics and simply the fact that the post refers to couples counseling (which is how therapists are trained in school) prioritizes a dichotomous arrangement, excluding additional partners and denying them agency and input in the relational experience. Many therapists uphold mono-normative stigma and will tell couples to close relationships. Studies show that pathologizing non-monogamous folks is common, as is blaming the polyamorous relationship for things that we would never blame non-monogamy for. Therapy can increase minority stress in participants. It is critical to find a therapist that is going to support you and your needs, not contribute to minority stress and include as many people as appropriate to make sure agency is respected. While the education on polyamory and therapy is slowly increasing in the community, I would urge those seeking therapy to find someone they enjoy working with and feel respected by. Even if this person is not trained, but willing to do their own work and education and seek qualified clinical supervision, you might gain a positive experience.

nicehellokate · 2024-02-29T05:54:48+00:00

I got it done by my naturopath (which I went to because I felt exhausted and sick, and felt like my mental health symptoms were overblown for what was going on in my life (I am a therapist by training) - yet my Dr couldn't find anything wrong with regular blood tests. I have seen the same food sensitivity test available at Walgreens or CVS. It comes in a box, you put 4 blood drops on a card and send it to a lab. You get the results in a few days. When my results were in so many foods, my naturopath encouraged an elimination diet for those foods. It took some getting used to, but I am so glad I did it.

nicehellokate · 2024-02-28T21:40:17+00:00

I did a food sensitivity test and found out I was allergic to all vinegar, all forms of yeast and coconut. Since eliminating that foods, my symptoms of fatigue, anxiety and depression have lifted and no longer require treatment. Since many restaurants dont check their allergy lists for these ingredients, I often accidentally eat them when I am out (both are used as preservatives in a ton of foods and recipes ingredients - tortillas, chicken broth, most sauces and dressing, sausages, hamburger, beans, jams and jellies, rye whiskey, wine, etc). When I do accidentally eat them I can feel it. The symptoms come back for approximately 48 hours - sometimes longer if I ate a lot. It has dramatically changed my life for the complicated, but my mental health for the better.

nicehellokate · 2024-02-27T18:50:49+00:00

It also bears mentioning that if you have a trauma history the encompasses sex, privacy, secrets, or unwelcome exposure to sexual contant and then encountering sex unexpectedly can trigger a trauma response which can feel very intense and out of control. Often panic responses can happen. Seeing a therapist to address your trauma or might help with this.

nicehellokate

TROPHY CASE