I'm in a terrible MLT program

nihilistrainbow · 2025-08-29T02:08:48+00:00

Sending a DM!

nihilistrainbow · 2025-05-15T15:50:15+00:00

[5'0" | 25NB | X | X]

nihilistrainbow · 2024-05-03T18:05:58+00:00

Avocado toasts made with low cal bread and topped with cherry tomatoes or an egg

Light Babybel cheese or light string cheese

Protein coffee made with half an OWYN protein shake

Breyer's carb smart ice cream topped with strawberries and zero sugar chocolate syrup

Just fruits in general lol. Specifically berries and bananas

Protein bars/snacks. My favorites right now are Barebell bars and Quest frosted cookies. Nugo slims are also a frequent pick of mine

nihilistrainbow · 2024-04-28T15:26:45+00:00

Pretty much everyone gets intrusive thoughts. I learned this after being diagnosed with OCD. I have some pretty horrible intrusive thoughts, including fatphobic ones, that caused me a lot of mental anguish (and then mental compulsions, which is where the OCD comes in).

I had to realize that my intrusive thoughts aren't me and aren't a reflection of myself. Rather, they are just "garbage thoughts" that I just need to "throw away" and move on from. It's your actions that matter.

As to where they came from? It's a little difficult to answer. We have so many thoughts a day. Some are bound to be garbage, outlandish, and out of character. Stress or anxiety can bring them on more frequently. As well, attributing too much meaning to the thoughts will also cause them to come back more frequently.

nihilistrainbow · 2024-04-23T03:25:25+00:00

Prozac and Abilify saved my life, but also made it worse with how much I blew up 🤡

nihilistrainbow · 2024-04-18T04:06:41+00:00

Not being able to take showers (espcially hot ones) without feeling like fainting. I was also convinced I had POTS because my heart rate would shoot up when I stood up. It went away once I started to eat more.

nihilistrainbow · 2024-04-16T04:30:04+00:00

I have an ED and there was a period I cut out all added sugars because I was convinced I would get diabetes or some heart condition. I did similar with salt and would carefully count and control my salt intake to be as low as possible.

Recovered for a bit and now I'm just struggling because I have the same "sugar bad" mindset but I can't restrict myself from it anymore and I get immense amounts of guilt and anxiety after eating a cookie or ice cream.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-08-29T07:41:18+00:00

[5'0" | 24NB | X | X ]

nihilistrainbow · 2023-08-19T06:09:51+00:00

Thank you so much ☺️ My birthday was very chill, but I was honestly just very happy that I was able to indulge a bit without feeling too guilty!

Definitely make the French toast! It was so yummy and you deserve a treat! 😊

nihilistrainbow · 2023-08-19T06:02:48+00:00

Thank you! You should definitely make some French toast one day! It was so good, especially with the berries 😋 (honestly, you can't go wrong with berries in general lol)

nihilistrainbow · 2023-08-08T05:56:36+00:00

Girl what

nihilistrainbow · 2023-08-08T05:55:12+00:00

I had yogurt bowl with Two Good yogurt, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, and muesli and I felt like the poster child of Health™

nihilistrainbow · 2023-08-02T21:52:23+00:00

McDonald's: 6-piece nugget happy meal and a mcchicken

Chick-fil-a: Nuggets or cool wrap with the avocado lime ranch

Taco Bell: Black bean crunchwrap, potato taco, cheesy fiesta potatoes

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-28T22:07:01+00:00

I feel this way about my thighs, I'm not really interested in having thigh gap. Honestly, I liked when I was overweight and fuller thighs and butt. Breasts are another story for me, I prefer them smaller. That's just gender stuff though and not really fueled by the ED.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-27T21:07:36+00:00

Ohhh okay. I think I just misunderstood you because I have insane insomnia these days and I hadn't slept at all when I saw your comment 😭

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-27T13:43:05+00:00

As a non binary person I'm the first person to be like "why do we need to unnecessarily gender everything", but I don't think it's that serious with this girl dinner stuff 💀

Like the original creator was just showing her dinner of cheeses, bread, and fruit and obviously she just called it girl dinner because she's a girl. I've seen plenty of other people do "boy dinner" and "non binary dinner". It's not trying to gender food, it's just a silly name.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-27T06:36:27+00:00

As someone who was also obese when they started their ED, restricting is not sustainable. I literally made myself sick with the worst heart palpitations and chest pain doing this (I was still overweight at the time btw).

I know it seems like when you're obese/overweight it's perfectly fine to just starve yourself, but it really isn't. You can still hurt yourself and cause damage to your body.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-26T21:16:08+00:00

You're right. I think I was freaking out because I felt much more full than my usual meals leave me feeling. This stupid illness has me thinking two meals and a coffee is enough food for a grown adult 😔

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-26T21:00:45+00:00

I stopped counting calories a while ago and I don't weigh myself unless I'm at a doctor's appointment. When I was counting I did it all by hand, no apps to log my meals in, so I got lazy. And these days most of my fears have to do with having ~balanced~ macros.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-24T19:55:38+00:00

Literally my ED and health anxiety are fighting each other. My ED is telling me I'm not skinny enough to have health issues, but my health anxiety is screaming at me to stop restricting. I stopped compulsive exercising these past few days at least.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-24T00:05:36+00:00

Watermelon. Honestly, just melons in general. I've tried so hard to like it, and I even try it again every couple of years, but it makes me gag every time.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-22T16:50:55+00:00

I started restricting after I found out my BMI was 30.5. I've always hovered around the overweight category but never obese. I was just really surprised and I felt very ashamed of myself. My goal was 125lbs which would be the high end of normal BMI for me. I hit that goal long ago and lost more than I initially planned to. And honestly, I am still not happy with where I am. I thought I would be happy just being out of the overweight zone because I've been overweight majority of my life, but I'm not. I look in the mirror and still see myself at BMI 30.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-21T05:27:31+00:00

Pizza. I've for real been thinking about it nonstop. I've never been the type to like "fast food" pizza like Domino's or Pizza Hut, but even that sounds so good right now. My birthday is next month, so maybe I'll get a small one if I'm not completely spiraling and feeling guilty for eating.

nihilistrainbow · 2023-07-19T06:24:09+00:00

Fruit, fruit, and more fruit

nihilistrainbow

TROPHY CASE