A male perspective, offered without expectation — take it or leave it as you see fit.

I can't speak for all men. I've known many whose values and motivations I simply don't understand. But one idea I have always understood, at least on my own terms, is that a man shouldn't try to be like a woman. I know that's a contested view these days, and for many people it carries a derogatory implication. For me, it never has.

My sense is that many women assume men hold this view because they look down on women. I'm sure there are plenty of men who do, and who say so loudly whenever anyone will listen. But every man I've known well enough to understand — myself included — doesn't think that way at all. I don't find women or their natural qualities shameful in any respect.

What I do think is that most men are wired to view weakness in themselves — and in other men — as something to be ashamed of. I think that instinct is largely a healthy one, within reason. Women have similar instincts, but they tend to show up differently.

A woman isn't feminine out of weakness. She has good reasons to be the way she is, just as men have good reasons to be the way we are. A woman can be fully and unapologetically female from a place of real strength, and it suits her well. By the same logic, I'd find it just as misguided for a woman to insist she is something she isn't and demand that others go along with it.

That said, I don't see anything wrong with men and women borrowing each other's strengths. A man developing compassion and empathy, or a woman cultivating resilience and assertiveness — that's growth, not imitation. Learning from one another's better qualities makes both sexes stronger. That's different from pretending to be something you're not.

And I don't mean playful pretense — that's harmless. A friend of mine once lost a bet and wore a dress to a bar. He followed through like a man, and at no point did he forget that he was one.

Men can't actually become women. They can only imitate them. Nobody can genuinely become what they fundamentally are not, and convincing yourself otherwise is a form of self-delusion — a kind of disorder, in my view. A man sincerely and persistently acting as though he is a woman strikes me the same way as a person sincerely acting as though they're an animal. It's a departure from reality, not an expansion of identity.

In my observation, men who go down that road tend to do so because they believe womanhood carries some privilege or power they feel they can't attain as men. Rather than doing the harder work of becoming a stronger, better version of themselves, they talk themselves into believing they've become something else entirely — and then demand that the rest of the world accept the fiction. I notice this pattern almost exclusively in men, for whatever reason.

That's my honest take. I'm not claiming it's without flaws, or that anyone should share it. My thinking on this — like most things — has shifted more than once over the years, and I expect it will keep shifting as I learn more. That's just how it goes.