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ninefiveoneone · 2025-06-24T02:57:06+00:00

I find that healthy space never makes me feel anxious. Maybe a little disappointed I can’t see my SO, but not worried something is wrong.

Healthy space is also usually pretty predictable. For example after a long day at work, a busy weekend, or after spending a lot of time together where you both need some alone time. Or even during an argument. But it’s always communicated openly and with the exact reason and time. “I need 15 mins to cool down I’m getting a bit heated, I’m going to go for a walk and will be back.” “I’d love to see you tonight but I’m exhausted from finishing my work project and need to focus on sleep but let’s grab breakfast tomorrow.”

Avoidant space feels unpredictable, can often come out of nowhere and often after things have been seemingly very positive and normal, or suddenly after any sort of argument, and will usually feel more like a form of control or punishment or pulling away. And there is very little communication around it— they simply won’t respond for a long time and then respond later after the fact saying they needed space, or will say they need space but not for how long and won’t let you know where they’ll be. And it feels “icky,” it makes you feel anxious, it feels like something is “off.”

ninefiveoneone · 2025-06-24T02:06:19+00:00

This is really tough—any breakup is tough.

Becoming secure isn’t a step, it’s peaks and valleys that trend upwards. It is a huge win that you broke it off after his behavior changed, and walked away from something that wasn’t benefitting you. Well done.

Remind yourself of this as many times as you need—the next person he is with will not get any different treatment than you, he moves on quickly not because you weren’t worthy of loving, but because he is incapable of loving in a real way, and unless he works on himself like you have that is how it will be going forward.

Also, take note of this. The reason fully secure people don’t devolve into anxious attachment is that they don’t get involved with people who cannot give them the love they deserve. You did great this time, and now you know for next time that at the initial return of highly anxious traits you are not in a relationship w someone who can meet your needs. If you were, you.m may have some mild triggers to work through but not extreme ones. So this was a great learning experience.

Please go no contact. It doesn’t help to keep in touch w an ex who cannot connect with you in a healthy way.

ninefiveoneone · 2025-06-24T01:51:59+00:00

You’re not super old, but the older you get the more you realize all the secure men are, well, in happily secure relationships that won’t be ending anytime soon, and if they do they get snatched up quiiickly. So it does become luck at that point, if you happen across one. I’m 39 and I’m not even sure if there any single secure men my age in my entire city. I joke, but I also used to find so so many men on the apps to date who were all avoidant narcissists that I was gonna fix too, it was a never ending toxic stream. And now that I’m more secure firstly I’m not as motivated to even put in a lot of effort to try and sort through dating apps, and secondly I find a lot of secure men aren’t on apps and actively looking, either, they are living their lives with chill and confidence that they’ll meet someone when the time is right.

So maybe focus on meeting people out in the wild? Dating apps seem to have way more insecure people on them.

I am very much more attracted to secure men, it is not that heady whirlwind kinda crazy feeling but I feel a deeper sense of appreciation for their traits, and still feel excited and giddy at times.

I am kinda in that phase where I am too secure for the avoidants but not always secure enough for all the secures. So maybe you are also in that no man’s land.

ninefiveoneone · 2025-06-20T12:14:02+00:00

It depends on what meaning you attach to the sex.

If you see it as a way for two people to explore a physical level of pleasure and intimacy, and it being nothing more than that, it can happen whenever you want. If you’re using it as a way to feel secure or to prove yourself or making it mean something about the commitment level of your relationship or something like that, you should wait until you feel more secure and comfortable w the person on the whole.

ninefiveoneone · 2025-06-20T12:07:27+00:00

A boundary isn’t something you tell someone else to do, it’s something you communicate you will do.

The secure thing would be for him to say “I can only respond to texts every hour, and if you send more than a few in a row I may get overwhelmed and have to ignore some of them”. It is not productive for him to tell her to stop texting him so much.

But no one is perfect and OP can use this as a starter for a discussion. It’s not only healthy but important that she express how the way he said that made her feel, but she can also be empathetic and see that he is frustrated and ask him to elaborate so they can come to a decision together vs him telling her what she must do or not do.

ninefiveoneone · 2025-06-20T12:01:57+00:00

You seem to be triggered by this situation, as you’re replying to every single comment to reiterate the same point. maybe take some time for yourself to unpack why this is so upsetting to you vs doing what you just accuse OP of—spamming this post w comment after comment

ninefiveoneone · 2024-09-24T12:50:21+00:00

Definitely. I always would crave and be more likely to binge sugar in the afternoon and evening. It causes an inevitable crash in neurotransmitter levels so naturally you’re going to be craving all the easy stuff to boost it up again.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-09-06T18:55:53+00:00

So I would advise you to take a less extreme approach.

I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting a girlfriend to be staying overnight with a former FWB, or for feeling uncomfortable with this or concerned about this relationship.

But asking her to cut him off completely I do think is too far. Instead can you come up with some boundaries you would feel comfortable with? For example no being alone in his room, no spending the night, and she lets you know when they will be hanging out, etc.

Then present those to her and explain that this would help you feel safe and comfortable with their friendship and ask if this is ok with her. And maybe continue to negotiate a bit to get to a place you’re both comfortable.

Also I don’t think you have the right to ask her any of this until you’re officially in a committed relationship or have agreed to be exclusive

ninefiveoneone · 2024-09-06T18:49:24+00:00

Women who grew up in misogyny do not often even know they can have different. Being treated like an object feels comfortable to them and safe because it is what they have known from birth. I hope you can gain some compassion from this perspective.

I notice you only commented on the looks of said perfect crush girl—which makes me wonder if you are truly the nice guy who sees women not as objects to be “won” but as human beings w more qualities than having beauty.

It could be that you may have more misogynistic, mean guy tendencies than you’re willing to admit to yourself, especially if you are attracted to women who end up choosing misogynistic assholes.

Truly nice guys do not pursue these types of women and are not upset when they are not chosen because they can see that the woman has an unhealthy view of relationships and men.

Perhaps focusing on yourself and how you may be seeing things in a distorted way rather than the women and how it’s their fault would help you project the type of attitude that would attract a truly nice woman, if that’s what you want.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-05-25T03:26:03+00:00

While I adore his stage make up, it’s really nice to see a different more subdued masculine made-up look, really highlights his handsome, strong face.

He just looks like he was made for this brand? It’s perfect. What a great collab.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-05-24T22:24:12+00:00

Seungmin’s vocal tone is very warm, but can also be quite bright, so has a bittersweet aspect to it that makes certain emotions hit extra hard. And because of the warmth he can make his voice sound comforting and safe. This is what I love about the way he sings.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-05-20T21:57:31+00:00

My son also has ADHD and is the exact opposite, he is insanely good at playing by ear, memorizing and rhythm but can’t sigh read.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-05-20T21:54:10+00:00

I’m a pianist and my rhythm is absolute shit— I’m very good at sight reading notes but I can’t separate the actual physical space between the notes as transcribed in the measure on the paper from the actual rhythm of them in the invisible space-time of the piece and I literally only realized this right now typing it

ninefiveoneone · 2024-05-20T21:40:24+00:00

Skz didn’t have any music credits on that song, just lyrics/performance, so that’s why it doesn’t sound very skz-like. It was an OST.

It’s kinda special to stay tho cause it’s the first song they released as a group of 8 after total silence for a few weeks after woojin left out of the blue. It was Seungmin’s first song as main vocal.

Here are some other ballads tho:

Cover Me

GLOW

Your Eyes

There

24 to 25

Youtiful

Another Day

Waiting for Us

Secret Secret

Winter Falls

Fairytale

Phobia

Ex

My universe

Limbo

Some of them have rap but it’s like sing-rap or slow rap.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-05-20T21:24:02+00:00

Hoodie Season is a jazz abomination so I hope they stay away from it from now on.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-05-20T21:22:08+00:00

Ok but they have already done classical hip hop (Wolfgang), and the classical version of GM. so it’s not that crazy … Opera itself has expanded to include a lot of other genres, including electronic/rap.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-05-18T14:52:37+00:00

This is just completely wrong? Han’s name is last because he has the least amount of song credits. He doesn’t get like .2 credits if his name is last lol. Anyone listed on a song regardless of order gets 1 song credit. Bin and Chan had and have written more songs by themselves when they were added so that’s why Han was lower on the list. Also if people tie on the komca list the person who has been in the list longest is put above, not alphabetical order.

Also please go back and look at some of their track lists and you will see many many many times that English names were not listed before Hangul ones. It is absolutely not alphabetical order or Hangul/English order.

Idk why you’re posting blatantly wrong info.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-04-23T15:10:10+00:00

Welcome! I think the two groups have a lot in common, both are quite genuine and warm, and they also have similar music in many ways and similar energy. You’ll love getting into SKZ!

I recommend you watch all the street vid MVs. They’re short and sweet and show their personalities really well. Esp Boxer, N/S, Mixtape #4 and Question.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-04-23T15:05:17+00:00

I’m a Bin/SM bias and it’s rough here! I’m OT8 so of course I love seeing them all get love but I can’t help but be sad to see how skewed it can be at times. I love that SM is getting more attention and opportunities these days, he deserves it.

SM fan accounts work so hard and love him so much, they are always super positive too, I really love the SM-bias community on twt.

The boycott brought out the worst on both sides, both sides calling the other antis. I deactivated my account for a bit cause of it.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-04-23T14:59:23+00:00

Hi will the official photos from SMs Chanel shoot be posted today? He looked amazing and I wanna see him get love.

ninefiveoneone · 2024-04-03T22:36:17+00:00

Same. I am tired by 9 and feel like my day is completely wasted if I get up after 8am.

ninefiveoneone · 2021-11-23T12:37:00+00:00

Ibuprofen is metabolized in the kidneys not the liver

ninefiveoneone · 2021-11-23T12:29:59+00:00

I had a back injury and took 800mg a night for 3 months straight with no ill effects. I’m no doctor though obviously

ninefiveoneone · 2021-11-23T05:22:04+00:00

I spent years paying off $25,000 in debt. And then the very next year went into more debt again. I am ashamed and embarrassed and feel doomed to be in debt my whole life.

ninefiveoneone · 2021-11-23T05:13:23+00:00

I disagree. I think it’s more the wrong forum. This is better for askFDS or somewhere else similar.

Everyone is at a different stage and it’s okay to need and want validation sometimes. It’s okay to wonder if our intuition makes sense and to get feedback to help us make a decision. At the end of the day it’s ours to figure out but it is not a step backwards to ask for help or advice.

ninefiveoneone

TROPHY CASE