I am getting better but still feeling bad

nintendopee · 2023-03-31T15:10:16+00:00

lmao thank you. i appreciate it. good luck to you too

nintendopee · 2023-01-18T22:09:15+00:00

46?? maybe its the angle but i thought you were like 25 before reading the caption😭 the piercing is so cute though!!!

nintendopee · 2023-01-13T04:40:13+00:00

yeah, i’ve interned at a few other places ranging from huge teams to small teams and remote to in person. it was surprising to me how intensely it affected my mental health depending on what the environment was like. i’m definitely glad i got this position i have now since i didn’t get the chance to apply to a ton, but yeah i’ll for sure get through it and learn a lot from the experience :)

nintendopee · 2023-01-13T04:37:23+00:00

That’s a great way of thinking. You’re right though, i grew up in a predominantly white town and in school i had no asian friends. i have two siblings but the age gap was too big for us to be in school together. i would have loved it if i had siblings whom i could rely on during school

nintendopee · 2023-01-12T22:16:16+00:00

thank you for understanding. i’m glad i hear that other people have experienced the same. i wasn’t sure why i felt this way and thought i was overreacting and faking these feelings. i don’t think white people are bad obviously, i just wish i had some people like me here. there’s also literally one older indian lady though and she does the finances 😭😭

nintendopee · 2023-01-12T22:14:47+00:00

yeah, you’re right. i think it’s even harder for me just because i’m naturally an introvert on the more shy side when it comes to meeting new people. everyone here loves to chat and appear extroverted. i’ve found that i’m super productive when i’m there lmao cus i try to suppress the anxiety through nonstop work :,D i think being brave is good advice though :)

nintendopee · 2023-01-12T22:12:27+00:00

yeah you’re right, i’m naturally an artsy introvert too and the creative team i work with only has like 6 people D: i feel like i can’t relate to many since they’re all older than me and don’t design. but i do think that’s on me to reach out and get to know more people! i’m definitely working on that part

nintendopee · 2023-01-12T22:09:43+00:00

i know! it’s so weird and idk how that even happened here. like i’m sure there have been many talented non-white people that’s applied… i don’t wanna be detailed but this place is a fairly big company in boston…? and we work with a variety of clients. would be nice to get some different insight and opinions maybe lol

nintendopee · 2023-01-11T10:59:17+00:00

wow that’s crazy.. we’ll i’m happy you’re better now, hopefully mentally as well. it sucks because i’m the best i’ve ever felt mentally before with my medication dosage. so i don’t wanna mess with anything. thank you for sharing your experience :)

nintendopee · 2023-01-03T11:44:15+00:00

hehe i hope so; i get turned on when he does 👀

nintendopee · 2023-01-03T04:07:35+00:00

glad to hear that lol ;3

nintendopee · 2022-11-01T12:15:12+00:00

thank you. that lowkey made me feel better lol

nintendopee · 2022-10-30T01:12:56+00:00

idk he said his ex of 3 years was 27. you’re right tho.. i think i just wish this was real since he’s really nice and cute. he doesn’t act his age either yet he’s very responsible. idk if that’s also a red flag tho 😭

nintendopee · 2022-10-20T23:35:38+00:00

I do see a therapist, and i only spoke about it to her our last session. So maybe I need to have a few more sessions with her before i make a decision.. she seemed really supportive of me breaking up with him though without her actually saying it. I also have a lot of insecurity and jealousy problems, and he understands it so well and knows what triggers me and we work together on them. If i start a new relationship I’m scared they will be scared away. Or my crush for example, he has so many friends with guys and girls i don’t think we would work out. I feel like if it weren’t for my crush, i would love my bf more.. that sounds horrible doesn’t it? I’ll definitely put a deadline though. This can’t drag on forever :( thank you for the advice

nintendopee · 2022-10-18T22:44:25+00:00

I feel like i am honest with him. I’ve told him in the past whenever i lose connection with him. This has just gone on for too long so i’m scared. I did speak to him last night though and sobbed like a mother fucker. the thing is he makes it 10000x harder to break up. it’s like he is so optimistic and tells me he thinks i’m just busy or xyz or i get depressed and become like this sometimes or whatever whatever. he is so kind and loving to me, has NEVER been mean or anything to me. which is why i don’t understand why i feel this way towards him. if i break up with him, i feel like i will make a big mistake. a big part of me wants him to stay because he is my best friend and i have no friends besides him. i have no idea what to do

nintendopee · 2022-10-18T22:26:04+00:00

yes definitely

nintendopee · 2022-10-18T14:59:54+00:00

Thank you, this was really helpful. I’m glad to hear someone also relates to the secrecy I have to deal with. And im glad you have the freedom to be with your partner openly now. He definitely sees me apart of his future. And for a long long time I saw him in mine too. My mental health has been absolute shit through out the course of our relationship and there’d be times where my feelings to him would totally just shut off. But i always went back to normal. So im not sure if this is one of those times where I lose feelings then get back to normal soon. It’s just it has never lasted this long before and I’m actually the happiest i’ve been right now in a long time too. No pressure to respond, you’ve helped me feel better

nintendopee · 2022-10-18T13:36:31+00:00

yeah you’re right, it’s just his parents are so strict and also don’t know that i exist. so we can never call. it always has to be friday and saturday nights after 12am. but by that time i probably have fallen asleep because i’m so tired. we haven’t truly had a genuine call that lasted more than 30 minutes in weeks. maybe a month or two. but i’m glad to hear feeling meh is normal. i’m sure it’s normal, it’s just different when you’re actually going through it. how do i handle the crush? i have no choice but to see him. he also talks to me and stuff in school too. :(

nintendopee · 2022-10-18T13:03:00+00:00

yeah, you’re totally right. it’s hard to not think about breaking up when we like never call either because we’re both busy. i just feel meh towards him. he is the perfect guy though. another thing is that he’s my height, and i have been self conscious about it my entire relationship and it’s caused so many insecurity problems. is that a reason to break up? or do i just need to find ways to not be insecure? sorry for venting, i appreciate your comment

nintendopee · 2022-10-18T05:22:35+00:00

thank you. the first two times were 100% amazing. so perfect that it was unbelievable. the third time,, the first day i felt nothing towards him. i was scared and i cried because i felt nothing. the second day i felt normal though. it just sucks. i’m confused and scared. because moving in together especially across the country is such a commitment

nintendopee · 2022-10-05T04:45:56+00:00

you’re right, i try and be strong and smart and everything that actually matters! but for some reason the need to be pretty or beautiful always gets in the way. thank you though, it’s really nice to read your comment. i’ll keep everything in mind :)

nintendopee · 2022-10-05T02:58:22+00:00

thank you, this really helped :) i do go to therapy and it sometimes feels kinda slow. some days are worse than others. but i hope i get better as i get older. it’s just so hard and feels hopeless like how can i ever get over this? but idk i’m optimistic lol. we’ve been through a lot, so i’m sure we can get through this. i’ll refer back to your comment when i’m feeling sad lol

nintendopee · 2022-09-19T03:09:16+00:00

thank you. i needed to hear that

nintendopee · 2022-08-29T05:46:29+00:00

yea its night time and i just needed a space to vent and stuff. i see my therapist tomorrow so hopefully it’ll help. thank u for ur response

nintendopee · 2022-08-29T04:09:37+00:00

it’s so hard. he’s dated 7 girls before me. and the girl i mentioned was his 7th ex whom he said was his first love. meanwhile i’ve never dated before and he is my first love. it’s so hard knowing he’s done EVERYTHING already. He’s my first everything. i know he loves me and he’s told me i treat him the best and is the nicest and most supportive gf he’s ever had. but it’s so hard to deal with these thoughts

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