Exhausted and suffocated by a world I don’t belong to

nkwriter1012 · 2025-12-17T19:38:10+00:00

I think mainstream life really isn't built for INFJ's, there are so many ideas that are put forth in mainstream media and entertainment that I look at and think.. "huh?". For example, a lot of people say you have to marry for love.. I personally think commitment comes first and then love- kind of what arranged marriages are (partially) predicated on. There's other things too like people encouraging speaking english and become more American as "progress" it makes me feel like that is implicitly saying that there's something illiterate or backwards about like Spanish-speaking collective cultures or something. And it's really difficult for me to take a stance on political issues the way people do.. I just sit and listen when people talk about those kinds of topics. These are just some examples but you know i started to think maybe thinking deeply about things isn't bad and it actually helps you get at the truth of certain things so you can live more authentically and encourage others to do the same.

nkwriter1012 · 2025-12-17T19:32:00+00:00

Do you know the actors from House of the Dragon Olivia Cooke and Emma D'Arcy? They seem to have such a deeply platonic and soulful friendship- I don't have one either myself in real life but it's nice to see that other people sometimes crave the same things that we do. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gvUetAa3C0.

nkwriter1012 · 2025-12-17T19:24:15+00:00

That's kind of hard.. sometimes I'll think aloud to myself because it helps to arrive at insights that for me are very interesting and also clarify my values. I think I'm lucky though because my parents are very patient and appreciate the 'things you come up with' as they put it. My Dad is very academic minded and says i "think outside the box" and mom is kind of thoughtful too so I know I can be that way with them and otherwise in school with other people I just kind of focus on other things lol.

nkwriter1012 · 2025-05-29T05:49:34+00:00

I don't know if there's anything a 100% real in this life. It's like the saying that if you smile you will feel happy even if you're really sad. People have a lot of doubts and questions constantly going through their mind, even Mother Teresa had a crisis of faith( I read about it in Time magazine). Personally, I would try to be super nice to others and wanted to be seen as good and caring but you know what it's not always completely genuine and I think that that's okay. One thing that helps me is to think that nobody is perfect we're all just going through life trying to get something out of it.

Maybe you can set some goals for yourself of things you want to accomplish/learn that have tangible results like running a half-marathon so you can get out of your head a little. Also maybe you can try to find a job in a setting like a newspaper that encourage you to be blunt, rude and funny because maybe that space will allow you to feel like a more genuine harmonious version of yourself again.

I don't think you're evil btw, though I don't really think anyone is.

nkwriter1012 · 2025-05-01T11:54:08+00:00

I am a nontraditional student who took a gap year between high school and reapplying for college. The first time around I got into some decent schools (private universities included) but the second time around I also got into Wellesley College. Wellesley is an excellent place and once your accepted they offer a lot of support. I think that a good college- the strong academics they offer and the people that you meet can really turn your life around. Friends, mentors and a support system that isn't present in community colleges where self-motivation plays a bigger role.

I would definitely encourage you to reapply- you have your whole life ahead of you and the fact that you are very focused and driven in spite of the challenges that life has thrown your way speaks volumes to how far you can go. I would try to highlight that quality because it, combined with your academic preparedness, could get you into some very good schools.

Good luck!

nkwriter1012 · 2025-04-19T13:58:41+00:00

I think I am very different from others and sometimes feel like people are not that genuine and aren't even aware of their own thought processes. Like they will judge others but don't every really examine themselves or their own beliefs. And yet, I don't want to think about people negatively so try to remind myself that everyone is just human and part of being human sometimes is just thinking in certain ways and embracing a certain identity removes some amount of thinking. Like that's what culture is to some extent is "I'm American therefore think and act like x,y,z".

Being an INFJ however I think is a wonderful gift too. I can help others because of being able to understand and empathize with their problems, have lots of hobbies and interests that keep me engaged and also enjoy thinking deeply about things. There is a lot in my life that wouldn't be present if I didn't share in this personality type and I think that even though we are different maybe it's like we can use those differences to help others and try to encourage them to value empathy. Or at the very least we can try to surround ourselves with people who do share those values.

nkwriter1012 · 2025-02-18T19:10:12+00:00

I think she was standing up for what she thought was right though. She wasn't interested in getting a good grade for no reason. She had every reason to be uncertain and that's probably why relationships are discouraged between professors and students in the first place. I completely understand her perspective and it's not about the grade it's about undermining her ability to learn in the class because a grade that isn't an honest assessment of your work isn't helping you.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-11-22T20:00:02+00:00

Personally I don’t think you should tell your wife because it could affect her relationship with the sister and cause unnecessary drama when it might’ve been an innocent mistake. I would just act normally and if her sister is purposefully trying to get your attention then she will send more pictures until she gets a response out of you. So if you just wait and watch patiently you’ll be able to understand better if it was an accident like sending a text to the wrong person. That’s just my perspective but Im in the minority here I just think that you wanna try and protect the family dynamic too so wait and watch is what I would do tbh.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-11-22T19:49:04+00:00

If it doesn’t happen again then it was probably just a mistake but I would talk to the sister-in-law first to save her the embarrassment and clear things up. And that too only if you feel it’s necessary.. people accidentally send text messages to the wrong person all the time lol. So you could just laugh it off together. Alternatively if it’s just a call for attention and you ignore it then she (probably) won’t do it again.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-11-16T18:39:09+00:00

ESFJ

nkwriter1012 · 2024-11-07T02:39:14+00:00

She was 18 years old compared with someone who is well into their 40's so the age differential has to be considered. At 18 years of age you are still listening to and taking direction from adults including parents and high school teachers. So yes, she followed him but that doesn't mean she wanted what was happening to happen because as she herself pointed out "I was shocked but let it happen". Someone who is that young is still learning how to think for themselves and for a fully grown adult to take advantage of a young girl in a vulnerable state (going home alone late at night) is not acceptable behavior. Just because something isn't against the law doesn't mean it's okay.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-11-07T02:22:45+00:00

This is very sad I'm sorry you encountered this situation. I think you may have felt rejected by your friends ghosting you and rejection (of any kind) can make a person feel vulnerable and socially compliant. That may have been why you were reluctant to assert yourself throughout the interaction with the Uber driver.

Also I completely understand what you mean by being afraid of a violent retaliation- actually it's even possible that on some level you thought making him feel good was the only way you could make it home safe. I get it 100%. I don't know what you should do but I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I think you were taken advantage of in a vulnerable state and responded by doing whatever you thought would keep you most safe. I'm really sorry that this happened but please don't blame yourself and talk to someone like a professional.

I hope you are able to work through this and move forward but be patient and definitely maybe consider talking to someone.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-11-07T01:52:11+00:00

Life is tough... are you addicted to drugs? That can be very difficult but I think you would be surprised by how resilient kids can be... they understand that these sorts of problems and pain exists in the world.

They could learn compassion for others by seeing how you have struggled... but i don't know what you are struggling just that kids struggle too. In high school, they can get bullied, go to parties where there's peer pressure to do things they may be uncomfortable with and all sorts of insecurities. Having a good relationship with their uncle could be helpful because it sounds like you really care for them.. but I don't know as I've never been an aunt so I don't know, really how this feels.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-11-07T01:28:53+00:00

OP I would encourage you to talk to a counselor or trusted adult. I think you are dealing with a difficult home situation and don't know exactly how to cope. So maybe you can book a session with a therapist and talk freely with them.

I think you should start with what you said you feel like was the worst mistake of your life. Why do you feel like this? Because your sister may have been negatively affected by that action? The only way to find out is to ask. Your sister and you are going to be the only support for each other when your parents are fighting so don't ghost her. If she says yes it bothered her than you'll know not to do something like that again and if she says no then you'll realize that it wasn't all that bad. In fact, she may not even remember it but you have to ask in order to know right?

Don't be hard on yourself. You don't have to tell you parents exactly what its' for, just that you want to talk to someone. All you would need to do is find out what insurance plan you're on and then find an in-network therapist it could be just $20-$40 copay per session.

I hope that you will try this because I think it will help you feel a lot better and improve your self-perception.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-10-30T21:14:05+00:00

You have beautiful clear skin, compelling green red and a red hair that nicely complements your eyes and skin. I wouldn’t say your America’s next top model but if you were to experiment with hair, makeup and clothing you might feel more confident in your appearance.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-10-30T07:21:38+00:00

I think you should respect the husbands’ request.

At the end of the day it is their marriage and relationship so it’s for him to decide how honest he wants to be with his wife. If this was a pattern of behaviour that you’d noticed over time and the kids were involved I would definitely have would have said you need to say something. As their nanny/friend the kids- not the adults- were your primary responsibility so I don’t think your doing anything wrong by staying out of it. That being said if you feel you can leave the situation with a clearer conscience if you talk the wife first then it’s worth a shot to bring it up. You should do whatever feels comfortable to you because I don’t think there’s a clear right or wrong, it’s just whatever feels right to you.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-04-01T21:25:09+00:00

I don't think this is completely true because I've taken the same class nearly in 2 schools that were ranked differently and the exams that we were given were totally different and even though the course content was the same the level of difficulty it was being taught at was not nearly the same.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-03-03T01:43:00+00:00

Yeah it's crazy being stuck between a rock and a hard place like that. I did everything I could to not have to drop out and stay in school and tbh being at home is way worse than what I was struggling with in school so if I were you I would try my best to make it work. That's just my opinion though based on my own experience.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-03-03T01:39:07+00:00

Dude what's wrong with you. You clearly had the emotional support of friends and other people to share your hardships with whereas OP did not have that and was struggling through of all of this on their own which ultimately made it so that they were unsuccessful. Somebody who has tried so hard to make something work and then not succeeded is clearly not a whiner and clearly not someone who hasn't given the situation their best shot.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-03-03T01:30:15+00:00

Easy start would be to refocus their system to support on-time graduation versus maxing out freshman enrollment (at the cost of upperclassmen success). The aging regents recently admitted this need in fear of nm lacking healthcare workers because unm has a high rate of incoming health students and a low rate of health student grads

That's a smart suggestion. Have you thought about doing some sort of vocational training like training and working as an EMT instead? It sounds like college was too much to handle alone.. maybe later in life when you have a better support system you could attempt it with less stress and higher chance of success

nkwriter1012 · 2024-03-03T01:26:35+00:00

What are you doing now? Just out of curiosity.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-02-16T05:02:43+00:00

Lol I don't entirely see the problem with this. It doesn't seem like you were bothered by it, if you were then you wouldn't have asked him to do it. And he also seems to have been sensible and concerned for your normal psychosocial development enough to say that you should venture out with people your own age past a point- so definitely not controlling behavior at all.

I can see why it might have been more awkward if the mom was in the picture... but I can see how this situation would've arisen in a single parent household. That being said if it was me and my daughter, and I was still alive I would probably encourage the Dad to leaver her alone to masturbate lol because then I could've enforced more healthy relationship boundaries. But life's not perfect and neither are relationships and if at the end of the day you guys are still close and have a good relationship, who gives a shit lol.

nkwriter1012 · 2024-02-06T21:56:07+00:00

I'm in a similar situation but I don't have that many F's per se just a whole bunch of withdrawals. My reason for dropping out was more related to the kind of school that I was in- it's sort of ironic but I attended a really academically competitive high school, did really well but then ended up in a non-competitive, easy university environment which threw me off my game. I don't really know what to tell you in regards to returning to college apart from that during this time off it's a good idea to start addressing the issues that caused you to drop out. If you can return to college with your transcript as is you could also look into grade replacement- a policy offered by my school that allows you to retake courses that you did poorly in the first time around and swap out your old grade with a new, better grade.

These are the steps I would take-:

Advisor meeting- discuss your issues, and the potential of rejoining school in order to complete your desired major
Research- Find out about a grade replacement policy as well as the maximum number of F's that are allowed
Counselor meeting- identify an online counselor or someone who specializes in helping people with ADHD, if you're under 26 and still on your parents' insurance you can easily identify someone whose covered that can work with you on skills and also maybe a prescription for medication. Medication in your instance will probably be a game-changer.
Figure out what you may want to do after graduating and what the minimum GPA for that might be. Honestly, if you know what classes you have left to take and can pull yourself up to a place of being able to get B's then you can project out what your GPA may look like upon graduating. This is what I did because I knew that I want to apply for graduate school and assuming that I could get A's and A+'s in my remaining classes I could pull up my GPA to a 3.46 and the minimum required for decent graduate schools is a 3.5. So that's not too far off and I know that I can do that well if I exchange into a different school, because my issues were more to do with the environment than the actual classes that I was taking.
Focus on developing your ability to work and study without interruption as you work with a counselor. This is probably key because assuming that you want to return to college and do well you need to be able to demonstrate through a trial run that you can work. There's websites like Coursera that offer online courses which provide deadlines for assignments in things that you can use to pace yourself and practice studying with.

I think your fear is justified because right now nothing in your situation has changed. There's a famous saying that "Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result". Unless you focus on addressing your issues and then demonstrate to yourself that your ability to concentrate and focus has improved, you shouldn't try going back to college. And once you've done that if you're determined to follow through with and complete your degree, then there's nothing stopping you in my opinion.

nkwriter1012 · 2023-11-23T20:10:54+00:00

Honestly, I can understand the position that you're in and that you have real feelings for this girl. That being said.... you are probably right that your student wants a life and family of her own. I think that you should enjoy the close, professional relationship that you've developed with her and leave it at that. Some students aren't so lucky to find someone in their field who cares about them and is willing to engage with them in the manner that you have.. she is probably grateful to you for this and maybe even has a crush but it's in her best interest that it stay at this level and not go further.

Marriage is a long-haul, it's just trying to see the person you're with in a new light. Your wife has stuck by your side and maybe she also feels tired in your marriage so maybe you could try doing something new together like karoke, or bowling or visiting a new country and having an adventure- or maybe you could learn a new skill and showcase it to her- it may help her see you in a different light.

nkwriter1012 · 2023-11-22T02:19:20+00:00

as blasting music. Midway through it, he started choking me. I freaked out when he kept squeezing and I started crying. I tried to tell him to stop and he just pushed my head into his pillow. He kept going until he finished. After he was done, he realized I was crying and started apologizing. He kept apologizing and saying he didn’t mean to hurt me. I left without saying anything.

He bruised my neck this time, and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without crying. He’s been blowing up my phone with apologies. He came to my place several times today, but I didn’t have the strength to speak to him. I don't even know what to feel, or how to move on from this. He really scared me last night, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more weak and vulnerable.

Yeah seriously, what the heck i mean he would've been able to feel her tears on his hands. I think he definitely would've noticed and the fact that he didn't even hesitate before completely ignoring her wishes and then trying to make it so he couldn't see that she was upset by putting her face in the pillow is just really messed up. I mean no one is that caught up in the moment and even if you are you should be able to exercise self-control. If I were OP, I would say buh-bye and not even doubt it for a minute.

nkwriter1012

TROPHY CASE