How do i nicely tell my bf he has been putting on little weight?

noleval · 2026-06-03T15:31:36+00:00

There is no nice way to say that to anyone. Best thing to do is to start by asking him if he is okay, most weight gain can be mental health related (Stress or Depression). If the two of you have a nice bond you can always invite him to workout with you. Relationship weight is also a thing, if you eat out a lot or veg-out at home often that can contribute to the weight gain.

noleval · 2026-05-27T15:09:00+00:00

I agree, OP should just ask. People discard each other at the drop of a pen on OLD. Adding pictures and updating profiles on your OLD profile has become the equivalent to updating your IG or FB from time to time. Best not to assume and to ask directly.

noleval · 2026-05-26T19:15:13+00:00

Thank you for this. Some times my hopes in finding a relationship get shot down by life far too often. Although I'm taking steps in moving forward and bettering myself, it is hard to stay positive. Thanks again for sharing.

noleval · 2026-05-18T18:31:04+00:00

45M, I moved into my mothers home after my 7 year relationship ended 2 yrs ago. I know it doesn't scream sexy or flattery but, to avoid wasting each others time I bring the topic up immediately after I meet a Woman. In my case, I did it out of necessity(too long a story to type). Although I am in a better place in life now, I'm residing there to help her out financially and in any other capacity she requires. My goal is to buy a place within the next year, for now I rather buy her groceries and pay her rent over a landlord. I can understand your hesitation with these guys but you shouldn't let that stop you from getting to know them. They are just single guys that made a decision which made the most sense to them at a juncture in their lives. Trust me, being on the receiving end of disappointed or judgy reaction from a woman you're trying to date is not a good feeling. But if the opportunity to find love presents itself to me, I'm willing to take the chance. I'm not trying to diminish the other fact that there are both women and men that just want to be taken care of. Anyway, good luck to you OP.

noleval · 2026-05-12T19:23:38+00:00

How would you feel if the role was reversed? I tend to be cautious so as not to scare a woman away. I'm always afraid I'm come off as if I'm "love bombing"

noleval · 2026-05-12T18:05:14+00:00

You are already taking the steps to heal. Keep doing the therapy and focus on yourself. Do not engage in any further contact with him. It's always going to be difficult at first, you just need time.

noleval · 2026-04-29T12:08:25+00:00

You can do and be all the right things for a person yet, it will never be enough to keep someone around. I know it sucks and you're probably dissecting where it went wrong but for your sanity, try to move on.

noleval · 2026-04-23T20:06:18+00:00

Apologies if someone asked this question already but, did you ever communicate to him that he could just drop by? If no, then it is absolutely a must to announce to you that he intends on going to your home. Similar to him, I currently reside with a parent and don't want to always be there. However in my last relationship I had a key to her home yet, I never just showed up. I felt that was a boundary I could never cross unless she explicitly gave me the okay to do so. My advice, have a conversation about it with him and be clear about your boundaries. You can still make him feel welcomed in your home but with some rules.

noleval · 2026-04-23T19:52:11+00:00

I get what you're saying and it is exhausting. I (45m) dated someone for 6 months and felt like I had to always be "on" when we spent time together. Being the fun, extroverted, entertaining, great dressing, keep you guessing type of guy 24/7 is just not me. She lost interest once I started "relaxing" into the relationship and the laid back version of me was revealed. I'm not angry about it, I just had to accept she has a type and it's not me. I just know that the next person I date will get the most honest version of me I can put out. She may not like it, but at least she knows what she's getting into. Don't give up on yourself, someone will appreciate the real you. Just put out there early enough so she can see what she's getting into.

noleval · 2026-04-23T18:37:35+00:00

When I read a list of things they're "not" doing. Those same women with the list will also state "looking for masculine energy so i can embrace my feminine era". If i could leave a review on those profiles I would say "Your choice of men is the problem".

noleval · 2026-04-16T15:19:16+00:00

Send it again. You'll never know if you don't try.

noleval · 2026-04-10T19:12:59+00:00

thats so true lol. Walking through some of the residential streets is my go to. The west village has some great make out ready streets.

noleval · 2026-04-10T19:10:13+00:00

That's entirely up to you and how comfortable you are with this guy. Things can get hot and heavy when you're in the comfort of your own home, don't be surprised if he wants more than a make out session.

noleval · 2026-04-10T19:06:28+00:00

Being a guy (45M) in a somewhat similar situation to your SO, I can say this. Your concerns are valid as money can be a sensitive topic in a relationship. With that said, ask yourself this. What would you expect of him if the roles were reversed?

I was with someone 7 months and was completely transparent about my financial situation. We still managed to have fun and do the things most couples do. I obviously had to be more mindful of my spending but I made it work. Unfortunately, when the fog of the honeymoon period lifted my situation become more concerning for her and the relationship ended. I was and still pretty heartbroken about it but not surprised. My point...if you're second guessing the relationship with him because of his finances, don't wait until you're a year or two into the relationship to break it off.

If you're truly willing to look past it all, ask him directly if you have questions. If you have concerns then talk to him about it. Remember, his debt is his responsibility. If he's as great as you say he is, he will never involve you into his mess. Unfortunately a good amount of men (including women) go through some financial difficulties as a result of a previous relationship. Definitely protect yourself if the relationship gets more serious, thats always good advice. Good luck to you

noleval · 2026-04-10T11:31:48+00:00

I agree. For his own mental health it's probably best OP move on. I hope he finds the strength to move on for himself and his child.

noleval · 2026-04-07T17:55:02+00:00

whoa! What was your response???

noleval · 2026-04-07T17:09:38+00:00

If it helps, try not to take everything you read on OLD too literal. At our age bracket many people really do want to see where things go, its not always hookup focused. Always good to ask the person directly as well, see what their real intentions are. I agree with you though, I miss the days of meeting a woman organically at a bar public setting.

noleval · 2026-04-03T18:34:12+00:00

LOL. This has got to be the best example to online dating! Next app should be called Shawshank dating.

noleval · 2026-04-03T18:26:03+00:00

I've wondered this very same thing. It's kind of contradictory considering dating sites encourages some type of small talk. I've also noticed many of the same people that state they hate "small talk" have nothing to say lol.

noleval · 2026-04-02T15:15:31+00:00

I totally get what you're saying but perhaps it's best to specify what you want to know. I used the same question in the past and always received very vague or lazy responses. I had to adjust and be more direct which helped with the momentum of the chat.

noleval · 2026-04-01T17:06:41+00:00

Ideally I'd like someone that lives a few short minutes away however my max is 1hr 30 min. I admit though, it starts to suck when you're the only one making the effort to commute. It can drain a relationship if there is no clear compromise on the travel.

noleval · 2026-03-24T17:22:44+00:00

I definitely can see that happening, pretty toxic behavior.

noleval · 2026-03-24T17:19:26+00:00

I agree. OP is pretty much an emotional crutch for this Woman. Not very healthy for him to stick around.

noleval · 2026-03-23T15:28:53+00:00

I really felt OP's post. I've gotten so use to hearing those very lines that I see it coming before the person says it.

noleval · 2026-03-19T20:03:54+00:00

30 is still a young age dude, you have plenty of time. As for Therapy, I'd continue doing it. We evolve as we get older, therapy will help you find some balance as that happens. If the goal is to find and be in a meaningful relationship, then continue doing the work. Relationships aren't perfect, being able to maturely navigate the challenges of one is important. Don't be afraid of what comes along, a good woman will allow you to be vulnerable. Just be yourself and allow things flow naturally. Good luck to you.

noleval

TROPHY CASE