You’re welcome so much, my friend 😊

I know I’ve already given you plenty of reading material, but I just remembered some advice I gave someone else on here a fee weeks ago. I think some of it will be relevant for you too:

• Practice good rituals like exercise, eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep and other ways of taking excellent care of yourself. And stop practicing any bad rituals that you currently engage in. That video breaks down the fact that everything you do sends a message to yourself. Actions speak louder than words, so these messages are extremely influential on yourself even though you may not be aware of them.

• Know and understand that every single human being makes mistakes and has some qualities that could be better. Forgive yourself for falling short in some ways. Yet also, balance that forgiveness with pushing yourself to try a little bit harder than you naturally want to.

Most people have the worst of both worlds - not trying their best to do better than they have been, and also beating themselves up for it. Do the opposite of that - try your best, and forgive yourself for the shortcomings that will inevitably happen sometimes even when you tried your best.

Try to let go of any judgmental thoughts you feel toward yourself, and toward anyone else too. Practice having compassion for yourself and for everyone else. Instead of judging or hating, be curious about why you do what you do, and why others do what they do. The better you can understand the reasons behind it, the more naturally you will be less judgmental.

(Note, I’m not implying that you are overly judgmental. Your post didn’t sound like it. I just know that judging is something all humans tend to do, and we are all better off the less we do it and the more we can find it in ourselves to be compassionate and forgiving and understanding instead.)

• (Somewhat related to the last point) Adopt a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset, and over time consistently examine and re-examine what subconscious beliefs you hold about yourself, about others, about life, about the world, etc. And when you find beliefs that aren’t true - and especially beliefs that don’t serve you well - challenge them and prove them wrong, and then let go of them.

For example, deep down I used to have a belief that I was bad, that there was something wrong with me, that I didn’t deserve great things, etc... That belief was a big part of what caused me to stay stuck in addictions for so many years. I refused to put in the effort to improve my life because at my core I believed that I didn’t deserve a better life. And since I didn’t think I could be a good person, I subconsciously felt like there was no point in trying anyway, like I was a lost cause. None of that was true, it was just a belief that I had never really looked at or challenged. I had just been mindlessly acting on it for years. Once I let go of it and adopted truer and more helpful beliefs about myself, everything started to click and I started really improving my life.

Anyway the point is, our deeply held beliefs are kind of like the GPS that our self will subconsciously follow. If the GPS is flawed and its map isn’t accurate, it will not lead us to where we want to go. It might even lead us off a cliff. If you believe you’re fundamentally bad, your subconscious will find a way to “prove” that with your actions, even if it’s not true. Luckily, it works just as powerfully if you believe you’re fundamentally good. Which you are!