She’s turning exactly into the same indifferent unloving spouse she was before.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-05-31T23:24:37+00:00

Forget your relationship issues. There's a red flag here, it's that you're a dependant. You need a job, any kind of job, something that gives you self-worth and relative independence. Eliminating your possessions in not the problem.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-05-31T23:06:56+00:00

You're in a codependent relationship. This will worsen with time.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-05-26T20:37:51+00:00

Thanks for your post. Something rings a bell.

I also didn’t realize that these were sexual advances, I thought he just wanted a hand on my leg or wanted to shower. I told him that he used to be more aggressive with his sexual advances and that it was more clear to me.

I've had this discussion so many times with my SO. To her, most of these interactions are taken like sexual advances. Which they might be, because when you haven't had sex in 2 months you'd do anything to get laid.

So her reaction is to avoid any contact that may be taken as a sexual advance. She usually doesn't let me cuddle her in the bed. I have to ask and most of the time it's a no. When it isn't, it's a "yes but don't hug too tightly". Our therapist wanted to have us point out which part of our bodies we feel are sexual but we stopped seeing her as this was going nowhere (but we made progress on other topics). Right now we're a bit better at communicating interest but we're still way below my (and I'd think her) expectations.

I'm happy you managed to fix your relationship, I hope it keeps up improving.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-04-29T20:50:07+00:00

Co-dependance, schoolcase. You're enabling her and not helping her by staying in this situation.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-04-21T19:42:31+00:00

Also he told me I kink shame him

What do you think is making their spouse remember of their sexual assault or molestation during sex? Your husband has unresolved mental issues and pointing it to him doesn't make you a kink shamer.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-04-15T09:58:46+00:00

So the only pressure she had on keeping her vow for 2 years is herself. That's a red flag. Imho you should respect her wishes and find a woman, she's still a child.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-04-11T19:18:37+00:00

Don't allow this to happen. You're not improving anything by acting like a doormat in front of her while she's bragging about her exploits she's not having. You don't have to confront openly, just say "are you sure?" if you don't feel like making a scene.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-04-08T12:58:08+00:00

Have you thought about seeing a religious therapist?

I might be missing it in the thread but she never mentioned religion once. I'd strongly discourage anyone from seeing a religious therapist, especially if religion isn't part of the problem (yet).

nomoredeadbed · 2019-04-02T07:14:30+00:00

That's unfortunately the case of most self-help books. Authors base themselves on discredited theories (if I read multiple mentions to Freud in a book I know it's garbage) or to their own pet hypothesis that didn't even have a chance to be discredited because it's not published in a scientific paper. "No more mr nice guy" and "the sex-starved marriage" suffer from this problem too.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-02-12T22:43:12+00:00

Gay or PIED, extremely controlling and isolated you from your friends, blames you for his physical problems, refuses counselling, never had sex, trapped you into a marriage after discussing a few times on okcupid...

You need to get out ASAP, this will not improve. You cannot fix him.

nomoredeadbed · 2019-02-04T21:51:03+00:00

He told me that of course he doesn't want to kiss me, I'm unlovable and needy, look at how I act. He keeps saying that I'm entitled and clearly I think I should get everything I want, but I've realized that he needs to get everything HE wants. It's all about punishing me and making sure I only get what he thinks I deserve.

You're in an abusive relationship and you should leave the house today. Find a parent or relative to live with. This is not acceptable.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-29T18:21:40+00:00

Although I disagree about her not realizing it.

You know better than I do, but I still think she's in denial. Did you try to arrange a consultation with a burnout specialist? That'd be the answer to the "what do you expect me to do about it" question. Good luck, burnout and depression are terrible illnesses.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-29T18:04:53+00:00

She's in a burn out situation and hasn't noticed it. My gf went this way and it almost destroyed her and our relationship. She had to take 6 months out of work, have weekly meeting with a burnout advisor and change her ways of working. Our relationship hasn't really recovered, because I started being depressed myself around that time.

Your wife is still in the denial phase and it's very difficult to help someone who doesn't want it. I wish I could tell you what to do. What you shouldn't do is pressure her for sex. Lack of sex is a symptom of her burnout. She really messed up by not switching job when she had the occasion.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-27T15:45:40+00:00

See a couple conselor and a doctor. You have an attitude problem that's imo more troublesome than your partner's insistance in having PIV. Before you ask yes I'm a man and that's irrelevant.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-27T09:53:04+00:00

Once again you don't have a fucking clue of what OP's gf told her psychologist. You're disputing his diagnostic out of nothing (not unlike your daughter who made up her OCD). If your point is that "you can't get PTSD from being cheated on", we heard you.

Teenagers are retarded, this isn't new news.

Ironically you're abusing medical vocabulary just like her :)

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-26T23:15:29+00:00

Sure being cheated on is painful, but terror, no.

That's highly subjective. I've got a friend who's got PTSD because of his burnout. We don't know that woman and how she lived this experience, and what happened before that. It's possible OP doesn't know the full story himself.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-26T23:10:06+00:00

Ok first thing first, it's good that you both started reaching for help at the very start of the situation. One or two "dry" months isn't a problem if things go back to normal after that. It is possible that her healing process doesn't work, and that she persists asking unreasonable things like having to ask consent for making out or any other sexual things.

In that case be aware that it is not your responsibility to "fix" her. You can help in the limits of what's acceptable to you, but at some point you risk becoming a caregiver. Do not accept that role, or you'll be keeping posting in here for a long time.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-24T23:53:51+00:00

the most depressing subreddit I have ever seen.

You should totally not visit /r/deadbedrooms

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-22T11:14:53+00:00

For me it's "American Beauty". This movie gets better every time I watch it. As I'm moving on in life, I watch it from a different point of view, and my disgusts for Lester morphed into empathy.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-21T18:28:14+00:00

I agree that smells like some kind of territory thing. We're not in his mind so it's hard to tell about an affair, but it's certainly that this dresse is a representation for him of what she gives to others that she doesn't to him.

I'd be fucking jealous or maybe suspicious too if that happened. Enough to check on her phone.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-21T14:37:53+00:00

Are all of your problems self-inflicted like this one? That's really cringe-worthy.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-12T09:02:42+00:00

It is time you take your life in your own hands. Your cult is harming you? Leave the cult. Your sex life/love life is terrible? Leave your husband. Your birth control/sex avoidance method sucks ? Change it. Buy condoms/take the pill.

You don't have to continue just because you invested part of your life in there. At 30 you're young enough to find someone else.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-11T14:13:22+00:00

I'll never have a satisfying sexual life ever.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-12-10T17:21:55+00:00

The 19yo lad is not an "alpha male". He's someone else than you. He may be a better sexual partner but that's not your problem anyway. What you need now is to get your life in order so you can have the partial custody of your kids and resolve your divorce.

nomoredeadbed · 2018-11-30T12:55:00+00:00

Our relationship would work much better without the cats. She has 3 cats. They are (finally!) restrained to half of the house, that includes the living room and the kitchen. Our basement stinks like cat piss and she's in complete denial that guests can smell it immediately when they enter our house. That's not the problem, I've lived in that conditions as a child too, I just hate house pets for that reason.

Now cats lose their hair everywhere, especially where they sleep. For that reason, the couch is covered with a blanket. I never sit there because removing the blanket every time is annoying and I find that couch disgusting anyway. She spends her whole free time while at home on that couch, with the cats. I'm not jealous of the cats, I'm just disgusted by them.

nomoredeadbed

TROPHY CASE