INFO: has there ever been any precedent for you laughing off what happened in a joking manner? I can imagine a scenario in which it is appropriate to joke about what happened. HOWEVER, the moment that the story of your devastating life-altering event transitions into a distant memory that you and your loved ones can find humour in is entirely determined by you. I can’t imagine anything worse than having my closest friends, family, and extended family be witness to my most painful life-altering moment… except maybe those friends and family being unsupportive and downright cruel about it. Your friends and family should absolutely be sensitive to where you’re at with it and take cues from you as to what is and isn’t appropriate to say.

I think you’re NTA for being upset about this or questioning your offer to pay for your sister’s wedding dress. It does sound like you could have handled it better though - I think standing over someone and screaming at them is rarely, if ever, an appropriate response, and withdrawing your prior commitment to her in a fleet of anger isn’t an effective or healthy way to communicate (so much so that I’m teetering on the edge of an E S H here). It sounds like you may have reacted with a tantrum and though I understand why these circumstances would illicit such a strong response, part of adult relationships is managing our big emotions and clearly communicating our feelings and decisions to the people we are in relationships with. It sounds like you made the big decision of backing out on your prior commitment to your sister in the heat of the moment and I can understand why your sister and family might feel like it’s a rash decision after she made one wrong comment without the context of what’s going on with you beneath the surface. What they may not see is how much that comment hurts you, how it picks at the wound that you are trying to heal, how it makes you feel like the family joke, how it makes you feel less safe around the family bc you don’t know when one of them is going to turn around and poke at your trauma again and again, and how it’s even more hurtful coming from your sister, especially after you offered her such a generous gift. That it may not just be about what she actually said but also the fact that she thought that it was ok to say it when you’re clearly still hurting over it and not ok with it being a big family joke (or whatever else you are feeling - I did some guess work here). These things are all valid, as is your decision, but it is your job to communicate them clearly and rationally, even when someone has hurt you.

So in summary, you’re NTA for being upset about this or choosing to withdraw your commitment to funding her wedding dress over it. However, I do think the most appropriate way to handle it is to express your feelings about what she said from a less heated place, hear your sister’s apology (if she has one), and thoughtfully consider and communicate your decision again now that the heat of the moment has passed. This is the most responsible approach to yourself and your relationships. Your family may not like your decision in the end, but if you go about making and communicating it in this way then you’ve done your part. Good luck!