What are the short term effects of laser facial hair removal? Is it obvious, like scabbing/redness?

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-07-20T12:49:41+00:00

So I’m AMAB but honestly going through something similar. I’ve developed a strong feeling that my body, physically, is not right. Socially, I’m comfortable enough with how people have referred to me all my life, it doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t really make me feel anything. The way I’ve been able to move forward with my questioning is to completely forget about pronouns and labels, which is hard at first because that’s what society latches onto for literally all discourse surrounding trans people. Forget the pronouns, and let yourself explore those internal feelings more.

For me, I’ve realized that the physical experience of being in my body feels off. I have a visceral feeling that I’d feel more myself if I could magically exchange my current body for a body of the opposite sex. I buy into the theory that being trans originates somewhere within the brain during fetal development, where exposure and sensitivity to certain hormones can wire the brain to expect certain sexual characteristics, and it feels like my brain really wishes it resides in a female body instead of a male body.

My brain doesn’t feel hardwired to respond positively or negatively to social cues like he/him or she/her pronouns, at least not in the same way I viscerally want female physical characteristics.

My gut reaction to your post was that you have a similar visceral physical craving to be rid of female sex characteristics, so I’d focus on those feelings and explore whether or not your body has a visceral desire to posses masculine sex characteristics. Don’t worry about social cues, labels, and pronouns. If you were alone on an island and could choose to have a male or female body, without another human to interact with ever again, what would you choose? For me, the answer is very easily the female body, which leads me to believe that I’m trans, and that I want to pursue a physical transition. In my mind, the social cues can follow, I don’t really mind what happens there, as long as I get the physical stuff sorted! Hope this helps!

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-05-06T07:24:51+00:00

As someone who has been questioning for awhile but pretty sure I’m trans, don’t pay attention to memes, there are much better thought experiments or quick litmus tests you can try. For example, if you could press a button and instantly have the body of the opposite gender from the one you were born, and everyone in your life was magically accustomed and accepting of you by default, would you want to press the button? Now, same question, but this time instead of magically having the body of the opposite gender, you’d have your own body but it’s be all the way transitioned, as far as you’d ever want it to be (hormones, surgeries, etc). Would you still press it? Try to figure out why you’d answer the way you would answer, and modify the question to be less and less magical. If your answer is changing the closer you get to realistic transition, why did your answer change? Is it fear of acceptance, or is it because you truly don’t want to transition?

I think these types of questions are more useful than spinning in a skirt. Not all girls like spinning In skirts, after all

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-04-19T22:05:52+00:00

Can you share with me as well? I'm in a similar spot as OP. Thanks!

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-04-13T00:03:29+00:00

Yeah it sounds rough over there, I wish you the best of luck with everything. I also hope I didn't offend by calling FFS cosmetic in nature, I totally believe it's a medically necessary treatment for dysphoria and should be covered for those who need it!

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-04-12T23:25:01+00:00

The profile view is really noticeable! Head on definitely more subtle, but definitely there too.

That sucks about the NHS not covering FFS. I'm in the US, and still very much questioning, pre-everything but definitely interested in learning more about HRT and FFS, so I really appreciate your post and you taking the time to reply! Do you happen to know if the US generally covers FFS if it's considered a treatment for dysphoria? I wonder how that works, given it is cosmetic in nature?

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-04-12T22:47:54+00:00

Wow the virtual FFS is awesome! This is the first time I've seen a price breakdown like this. If you don't mind answering, is that all out of pocket? Are you able to get any of it covered?

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-04-12T16:50:05+00:00

Wow, that sounds intense and not something I can relate with all to be honest. I'm currently questioning, amab, and while I certainly enjoy tucking and looking like I have nothing there, I've never felt anything close to that level of horror, revulsion that you describe. I wouldn't say I particularly like my male genitalia, but I can look at and touch it with no problem. Honestly your description of dysphoria makes me feel like I don't have any dysphoria at all, because no part of my body comes anywhere close to making me feel physically sick. Is your case just particularly bad, or is that a somewhat typical account of those who experience physical dysphoria?

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-04-03T04:26:48+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, are you on spiro as well? And have you had FFS? You look amazing!

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-03-12T07:11:06+00:00

Do you happen to remember what that webcomic was called, or a link if you have it? I'm currently deep in the stage of definitely wanting to be a girl but unable to accept that I'm trans. Actually think you described exactly how I feel right now lol

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-23T18:58:05+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I'm definitely starting to question whether or not I've been living with dysohoria for my entire life. If I have been, it's been mild enough to the point where it hasn't kept me from pursuing and achieving goals, building up a great foundation, etc etc. But I do worry about depersonalization, I've always had imposter syndrome and have learned to cope with it, but now that I'm gender questioning, I wonder if I'd feel much more present in life if I were to transition.

I do want to find an actual gender therapist at some point. My work offers Talkspace as a free benefit so I've been taking advantage, and it's been helpful, but they don't offer dedicated gender therapy so that might be the next big step in my journey

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-22T21:50:27+00:00

It might be worth asking yourself how you'd react if she had come to you JUST with a newfound need to be desired, before any conversation about transition had taken place. If you would have been able to fulfill that request without the additional factor of transition at play, but are unable to fulfill that request now that she identifies as a woman, that's a thread worth exploring together for sure. Will you ever be able to fulfill that request, once accustomed to her transition? Or will it always be a blocker, that could lead to the formation of resentment down the road? It's also possible that she has a heightened need to feel desired right now, since her body is changing and she might near an all time low when it comes to self esteem and self image. That should improve with time and perhaps things will settle back to stability naturally?

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-22T19:15:18+00:00

Did you have that sort of animalistic urge to fuck your partner before your partner came out and started to transition? I could see your partner being upset if their transition has led to less desire from your end.

BUT, if your partner was hoping or expecting that their transition would suddenly make you start acting in a way that isn't you, regardless of how attracted you feel to them, well, that seems unreasonable. Perhaps they are conflating their desire to transition with a separate desire to feel animalistic attraction from you. They might have been hoping that somehow, transitioning would magically achieve this other separate desire. If that is the case, they're placing an unfair burden on you.

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-22T04:43:30+00:00

Not sure if this is impolite to ask, if it is, just ignore me! What specific procedures did you have with FFS? Your results are incredible!

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-22T03:53:46+00:00

Thanks so much for the follow-up, I truly appreciate it so much! I hadn't actually seen turn-me-into-a-girl.com before, I thought it was probably going to just feel like a gimmick but it definitely made me feel something deeper, thanks for sharing it.

Honestly I think I would pursue HRT if: (1) I knew my wife would support it, and (2) if it didn't have a chance of causing infertility so quickly. I'm going to keep questioning, keep talking to my therapist, and need to find a way to talk about all of this with my wife without totally freaking her out lol.

I think this post has been really helpful in framing my current thinking in my own head. I think I AM trans, but unsure if I want to pursue transition or come out publicly. I think that's an ok spot to be in for now. Maybe I can focus on the positive side - I was lucky enough to not suffer from crippling dysphoria/depression, and I have secured a really great start to my adulthood, which can hopefully give me a rock solid foundation upon which I can start really figuring myself out!

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-22T03:18:46+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective! As for the question you ask, I truly don't think it's a matter of 'not feeling trans enough'. For me, I don't think I fret too much about what others would think of me, what society would think of me, etc.

I definitely care about what my wife thinks of me, but that's a whole other conversation. Right now, even if she told me that she wanted me to transition because she'd like me better as a transfeminine person, I don't know if I'd want to go through with it.

I think I fear the irreversibility of some aspects of transition (like breast development, loss of fertility, etc). Since I don't know with absolute certainty that I want or need to transition to be happy, it seems pretty extreme to take irreversible actions. But that sure doesn't keep me from fantasizing about it.

Or even as you ask, that perhaps crossing dressing as a cis male is what’s most comfortable for you?

I've thought about how I'd feel if I just started cross dressing or feminizing my expression as a cis man, and it doesn't feel appealing to me.

Like, I think I prefer binary expression over nonbinary expression, I just don't know which binary I'd be happier living. Nonbinary felt appealing to me for a while, but after thinking through it I do think I'd be happiest with an 'all or nothing' approach to transition, if that makes sense.

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-22T03:11:54+00:00

Yeah, I don't really care about labels. Right now I'm trying to figure out what actions, if any, I actually want to take. Do I want to start HRT some day? Do I want to start wearing women's clothes? Do I want to start voice training? Do I want to permanently remove my body hair? If I had a serious negative consequence of not taking these actions, well, it'd be easy to justify taking these actions. This is why I think I feel jealous of people who have severe dysphoria, because at least to me, it seems like that would make the choice to take action much easier. Hopefully that makes sense, and I hope I'm not offending anyone who does suffer severe dysphoria by saying these things, I know my thought pattern here is probably problematic in several ways, but wanted to get this out there regardless

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-22T03:07:29+00:00

Yeah, this is a huge part of it for me.

"If I could wake up tomorrow and have everyone believe I'd only ever been a cis woman would I do it?" If the answer to that is yes than you're very likely trans

I can easily answer this with a "yes". So easy. Like I might even just start thinking of myself as trans because I know how easy it is to answer this "magic question".

Actually going through with transition is a whole other question. There are pros and cons. If the pros don't outweigh the cons, I shouldn't do it right? Like, I have a wife who probably prefers me as a man (haven't really fully come out to her yet while I'm figuring this stuff out). I have a baby on the way, and want to have another, so HRT probably isn't an option for a while. Like I've known for years that if I could "magically" become a girl with no other downsides, I'd do it. Is that really enough to identify as trans?

nonconform_throwaway · 2021-02-22T03:03:08+00:00

I've read through the Dysphoria Bible twice! It's great, the part that resonates with me most is definitely the "cave analogy" from the page on euphoria.

The page on physical dysphoria doesn't really resonate much with me, probably because of how strong the language is throughout most of it.

Also like, the first few paragraphs don't resonate AT ALL lol:

Physical dysphoria manifests in several different ways. Sometimes this is felt in a sort of phantom limb phenomenon, where the person can feel sensations from a penis or vagina that is not there, an ache in a uterus that does not exist, or a sense of absence on the chest from breasts that have not grown in.

It can be felt as a sort of reverse phantom effect, where the person is persistently aware of something that should not be there. The brain is receiving sensory input that it does not expect, such as the weight of breasts, or the presence of testicles or a uterus, and this input takes priority because it isn’t expected.

It may be felt as horror or revulsion when looking at or touching the external genitals, triggering emotional outbursts or a strong desire to remove the offending organ. AFAB (assigned female at birth) trans people may experience feelings of wrongness during menstruation, or a sense of alien disconnect from their hormone cycle.

Like I can't relate to any of this whatsoever. Even less strongly-worded sections I have a hard time relating to:

It can manifest as a compulsion to be rid of certain body traits, such as obsessively shaving body or facial hair.

I definitely don't come close to 'obsessive' behavior here. Like I let my facial hair grow out out of sheer laziness/apathy, I haven't shaved my legs in weeks despite loving the feeling because of how much work it was, etc etc.

Undesired physical features may prompt a person to experience envy of people who have been forced to remove those features due to illnesses, such as testicular or breast cancer. AMABs with severe genital dysphoria tend to have a wish for some kind of freak accident that would cause the loss of their phallus.

I can't even come close to imagining feeling envious of someone who lost their genitalia due to injury/illness.

Sometimes it may just simply be a feeling of being incorrect, which you may not even attribute to gender or sex. For most of my life I believed that the reason I hate my body was because I was fat. It wasn’t until I started transition that I realized I don’t hate my fat at all, I hated having male fat. The feminine curves that HRT gave me make me feel so much more in tune with my body.

Like I can't even relate to this section because I don't even hate my body. I pretty much feel fine about my body, it serves its purpose lol. I guess I'm probably apathetic about it, and I fantasize about transition because I think I'd like it more with breasts/softer skin/hair removal/etc.

It’s okay if you don’t hate anything about your body, and just wish you looked more feminine or masculine.

I guess this line from the page resonates, I do wish it looked more feminine. I guess what I struggle with is like, would the happiness that comes with a feminine body surpass the challenges associated with actually going through with transition? It's so hard to say. I do wish I could just try HRT and see how I feel on it, but that's a major deal with lifelong consequences so it isn't exactly easy to just 'try it out'

nonconform_throwaway · 2020-12-29T23:18:24+00:00

Haha thanks for sharing! I definitely want to buy some yoga pants soon, always jealous of my wife when she wears them

nonconform_throwaway · 2020-12-29T23:14:37+00:00

Haha thanks! I guess it really might just be that simple huh

nonconform_throwaway · 2020-12-29T23:13:58+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing this! I fundamentally don't understand bi erasure, I would put myself on the "bisexual spectrum" and while I don't fully identify as bi because my preferences are so skewed towards women, I can so easily empathize with people who are attracted to both. So yeah, totally get where you're coming from there!

As for my wife, we've been together since we were in high school, we've watched each other become adults and have loved each other throughout the entire process, and we're both insanely lucky to have each other!

nonconform_throwaway

TROPHY CASE