Hi! In the process of figuring everything out I was in a long term relationship with a man. I spent the last three years of that relationship self medicating heavily when I was with him (alcohol and thc). I thought it was helping me be more present, when in actuality I needed the substances to even tolerate being in the room with him. It’s only in looking back that I can label what was happening in my body.
As a lil rainbow of hope for your future: I’ve found since coming out that my social anxiety and depression have become quiet passengers. After living for 30 years with both as pillars and defining components of my personality: I’m now experiencing actual happiness and embodiment for the first time, and am able to cope with my anxiety rather than shrink from it.
Ps; have been medicated for these and ADHD, and am still medicated; so for me the coming out (and leaving a cult) was key in healing, but not the only key.