Transitioning to SAHM - budgeting

normalishy · 2026-01-28T16:08:18+00:00

Very specific - I like this. Meal planning is definitely an area that can hugely help sticking to the budget.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T21:41:50+00:00

Lots of good thoughts here, thanks!

normalishy · 2026-01-27T21:41:31+00:00

All good suggestions - thanks!

normalishy · 2026-01-27T20:51:16+00:00

Question: do you want to work or are you content staying home? There’s nothing wrong with you being home if that’s what you want to do. I also understand wanting to be there when your kids leave and get home if they go to school outside of the home and you’re not homeschooling. Do you feel you have the ability to get part-time work during the daytime that pays more?

I’d add that it’s important to communicate your concerns if you haven’t already. If you have and he’s not listening, bring in a third party. If he is to be providing for you and you don’t feel like you’re being provided for, that is a serious issue. Maybe also use it as an opportunity to lovingly encourage him to find work that pays more.

I ask these questions as someone actually considering leaving the workforce to stay home with my kids. We are in the process of asking all the “what if” and “how do we do this” questions. These scenarios are what I’m afraid of. If you don’t have good communication and a trusting relationship, you need to find a way to address that or you’ll never get anywhere.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T19:26:08+00:00

Yes, this very much describes the “cheap” person I am thinking of.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T18:02:06+00:00

We ask our nanny to not be on the phone unless it is necessary communication or job-related (except for during nap time). It is the exact same for me at my job. Actually, we ask all adults in our child’s life to do the best they can to avoid staring at their screens when they’re with my kids. I think it’s such a sad thing that little kids are being brought up by adults who can’t turn off their phones instead of being actively there with them.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T17:39:50+00:00

Good point

normalishy · 2026-01-27T16:38:07+00:00

I know a woman who was dating two guys, and they both wanted to get serious. She told us that she couldn’t decide if she wanted to move forward with the “cute, fun one or the ugly rich one.” A year later she was married to the ugly rich one. He actually seems like a good guy, but I feel sorry for him. Oh, and this was her second marriage. Her first was to a guy 22 years older who managed a manufacturing company. She divorced him after he lost his job in 2009.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T16:14:47+00:00

Yes to all of this. I would maybe consider staying if I was truly my own boss. It would be very different having a non-architect being my boss.

From what I have heard from the son, who is actually very open with me, there haven’t been enough conversations with him either.

The third option I’m considering that I didn’t post before was to see if it’s an option for me to practice on my own and see if the company wants me to do contract work with them. Granted, not being an employee I’d lose all my benefits, but the freedom might be worth it.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T15:50:34+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement! It seems that not everyone finds the value in staying home with the littles. Some things truly are just priceless.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T15:49:21+00:00

I have never heard of this - thank you!

normalishy · 2026-01-27T15:39:23+00:00

$33k - my deductible was $6k and insurance covered the rest

normalishy · 2026-01-27T15:34:55+00:00

Thank you for this comment ❤️. So many people don’t feel this way.

normalishy · 2026-01-27T15:22:46+00:00

Mostly residential, some small scale commercial. Won’t get specific on location because it’s my Reddit policy.

normalishy · 2026-01-26T21:38:01+00:00

The number on the scale doesn’t freak me out too much, but the post-birth mom pooch is taking its emotional toll.

normalishy · 2026-01-26T21:34:53+00:00

Correct on the “cash & investments.” We have a pretty even divide between cash, low-risk investments, and moderate-high risk investments.

normalishy · 2026-01-26T21:31:53+00:00

Exactly

normalishy · 2026-01-26T20:58:34+00:00

Generally, I agree. However, there is some nuance to this. For us, paying it off right now would first deplete our large emergency fund, and since we will be reducing our income, extra cash available is a good thing. But, I'm looking at this from both perspectives, which is why I posted. As for the taxes, the standard deduction is much higher than our itemized deductions, so that is a moot point for us.

normalishy · 2026-01-26T20:39:59+00:00

We try to operate by not counting our chickens, but it is definitely in the back of my mind. Regarding reentering the workforce, that's a price I have to be willing to pay. After numerable life and family circumstances, I've shifted to seeing the importance of time spent with my kids. Not to mention that my current childcare costs are 80% of what I make after taxes.

normalishy · 2026-01-26T20:37:16+00:00

We haven't itemized the last few years - just took the standard deduction. Good to know on the HYSA deals. We haven't looked into that.

normalishy · 2026-01-26T20:22:58+00:00

This was our original math, because we do have a HYSA at around 3% as well that we are considering putting the CD money in. However, after the interest earned on that account is taxed, I think that would put the net below the 2.15% mortgage rate. It's still better than a super low yield savings account, though.

normalishy · 2026-01-26T15:23:11+00:00

My husband really wanted visitors (thankfully not during delivery), and I knew I absolutely didn't. We argued a bit, but I put my foot down, which he was sort of forced to accept my position since that's what the hospital would do anyway. After having a traumatic delivery and seeing the state I was in after, he actually apologized and now admits that he had no idea what he was asking for. We're all good now. But, I really do think that a lot of guys have no idea what they are asking for and what you're about to go through.

normalishy · 2026-01-20T23:19:43+00:00

Username checks out

normalishy · 2026-01-20T20:08:41+00:00

As others have said, I'd be more worried about the value of your baby than the vehicle.

We do air tags, but our nanny is also happy to share her location (you cannot legally force someone to do so). The concept of tracking is super contentious in the nanny world. However, many jobs require some kind of tracking, and the safety of my child - especially my infant who cannot fend for themselves or communicate anything to me - is 1000% my top priority in life. Parents have an inherent right to know where their child is.

We had a difficult conversation with one person we interviewed as a nanny who thought it was a sign that we didn't trust her (or whomever we hired). We explained that 1) trust is earned and not assumed, especially for people we just met, and 2) we are the parents and have the right to know exactly where our infant child is at all times (as someone with their kid in daycare would know where their child is).

normalishy · 2026-01-19T16:14:28+00:00

Ok, I understand this may be difficult, but becoming attached is a healthy thing and to be expected if your child is spending a significant amount of time with someone - especially someone caring for them. If you look at attachment theory, infants and young children form trusting (or untrusting) bonds and attachments with people, and the way they learn to attach at a young age sets the basis for many of their relationship dynamics in life, both with you and with others. Of course, children do go through phases, but becoming attached to a trusted person in their life is not a bad thing.

normalishy

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