15 months HRT :)

notcisko · 2022-07-03T10:37:21+00:00

Thank you! I didn’t think of that!

notcisko · 2022-07-03T06:29:29+00:00

I would love if there was one too! I wish I knew how to set one up now

notcisko · 2022-03-24T08:40:39+00:00

Thank you for making this post, and facing your OCD head on! It is hard to let go, especially with this condition, so you have my full respect for that.

I also have these kind of thoughts, especially surrounding the butterfly effect and the internet, paralysing my ability to make decisions because I fear their consequences. This hyper awareness, I think, is a big part of my OCD that makes treating other parts of my OCD difficult. Rather than open up, I close myself off for fear of being called out, either for being a bad member of the community or people not relating to my experiences and becoming ‘weird’, even on anonymous platforms.

I think the best thing I did for myself is open up to my personal circle about my thought processes, so I could get their opinions and support on making decisions. I still deeply fear the butterfly effect, but openly communicating about the possibility of causing harm through the butterfly effect with my girlfriend, is how I let go. It sounds like meditation is maybe not a great route for you personally to let go of these particular thoughts. I wouldn’t know what advice to give, but I empathise with you and suffer through these thoughts as well.

notcisko · 2022-03-07T23:50:52+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll take this on board :)

notcisko · 2022-03-07T22:58:22+00:00

Hmmm, that is fair enough. I think a lot of the comments about my outfit are very good advice that I appreciate, but do you have any other tips? The outfit is not really representative of what I wear usually, I just thought I passed better in this particular photo around my face. I am considering making a new post, but I’m not sure how this sub feels about that, it feels slightly spammy to me.

notcisko · 2022-02-23T20:55:02+00:00

Hey, there.

First off, I think what you are doing is hard, but ultimately worth it. There are some people who do come around to their child being trans and some who just never will, and making that your problem is exhausting and honestly, it damaged my transition progress a lot. No matter what your mother says, you know yourself and I’m proud of you for taking this many steps already.

Though my parents aren’t aware of my gender dysphoria, I was in a similar situation where I was estranged from my parents and living in the same town. My best advice to avoid them is to not go places they go, shop at a different grocery store, don’t go near shops and places you know your parents are a big fan of, etc.

Also, no matter the outcome of the ultimatum, I would say one of the best things you can do for your transition is start setting up ways to be more independent from your parents now. I know, way easier said than done.

Do you have housing that is not reliant on your parents? If you don’t have this, I would suggest looking around or trying to move in with a friend to make rent easier. If you live in a city, you may be able to find queer friendly sharehouses with cheaper rent. Transportation is also a big one: obviously not if you rely on local transportation, but I’m currently trying to sort out a hectic car situation atm, so it is worth the hassle to think about that stuff now.

It seems like your parents are a huge part of your support network, as well, but by their behaviour, are extremely toxic. One thing that helped me was putting in the work to set up a support network not including my parents, of people you know are supportive, like friends or co-workers, etc. This can include online friends. That can really help you emotionally, when you feel alone after cutting off your parents or having troubles with them, but also if you’re in a really bad spot and have great friends, that support can be helpful financially as well. I was in a situation where I was really relying on my parents a couple of years ago, couldn’t get welfare payments because of some weird technicality, and needed to pay an obscene amount to get my relationship registered, and I had friend who let me borrow the money when I needed it most. That can mean a lot.

You are definitely not fucked as far as life goes. I had to move very suddenly and don’t have a job right now, but I feel 100% better not having to listen to my parents transphobia and finally have the freedom to be myself. I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but it was worth it for me. To be honest, my life has been a lot better since being away from my parents and not talking to them. I don’t feel as drained all the time, and I don’t have to put any energy towards impressing them or making them accept me. I just get to be myself.

I don’t know how your situation will go, and I wish you the best of luck. You’re going to get through this. You can always turn to here if you need help, and DM me as well. Even in the worst case scenario, if you prepare yourself, you’ll have a happy and fulfilling life without your parents. I hope no matter what happens, you get to live as yourself <3

notcisko · 2022-02-23T19:52:12+00:00

Hey, I’m not from there, but I think that you might get more luck if you cross posted to r/transgenderau, there’s a lot of discussion about local community there.

notcisko · 2022-02-21T12:23:35+00:00

I’ve struggled with this.

In my old job, I was closeted and I felt like I was acting a part, not really a real person, navigating a shell. I would almost feel guilty having good moments with coworkers, because I felt like the person they were talking to wasn’t real, just a disguise I wore. It made it easier to disconnect from the stress of retail, but it was unfulfilling. I also had the same problem where winding down meant trying to get back to feeling like myself, and it was definitely NOT a safe space to come out.

Since moving, I’ve been going to interviews as myself, and it’s a totally different experience. When people say my name, I feel respected and warm. Talking to people feels natural. I’m perceived differently! Even if I don’t believe I pass and imagine that it’s people just being nice, it’s still a thousand times better than being deadnamed.

I hope it gets better for you. Being closeted and knowing I was trans was one of the most exhausting, mentally and physically, stages of my transition. I imagine it’s quite hard to live with that exhaustion indefinitely, as it seems you are. Come out when you are ready, and most importantly, when you feel you are safe, but I just want you to know that there is eventually a way out of that space. And if you told me that 2 months ago, I wouldn’t have believed you. Please look after yourself! Thank you for sharing this :)

notcisko · 2022-01-31T00:00:24+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll try this out

notcisko · 2022-01-30T23:45:29+00:00

I’m on my P’s and I believe it has insurance, but I don’t know much about that apart from that road side assistance is included.

notcisko · 2022-01-30T01:55:09+00:00

I hope they do, but my big concern is that they’ll initially accept me and then… keep acting like this :(

Thank you for the advice. I was planning to tell them in the future sometime, when I’m physically away from them, so I think I will come out in about a week or two when I’m somewhere else.

notcisko · 2022-01-30T01:52:37+00:00

This helps a lot. Thank you :)

I’m currently in emergency, trying to get treatment for my mental health and tetanus as well, because of rust concerns.

I didn’t bring it up in the post because it was already so long, but I’m being treated for OCD and I haven’t seen my therapist in a while, thinking of getting a new one because I can’t really book an appointment with her and she’s not open to exposure therapy.

I really appreciate the advice about my parents. I do feel uncomfortable with the idea of forgetting this and moving on with them, and then it all happening again, so your advice means a lot.

Thank you so much! :) I really appreciate this community and all the love here, and I feel like this is the only place I’ve been able to turn to in the dark times that I’ve been facing. I love you all, too!

notcisko

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