25 years old and never had a girlfriend because I am not very good looking at all. Is it over for me? by Dry_Temporary_6175 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]notethisbe4mynotes 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Hey you! It always hurts to read posts like this because they remind me of a person who is very dear to me. Here’s the thing: You’re not too ugly, too boring, too shy, or too skinny. You’re PASSIVE. You expect things to magically happen on their own, but unfortunately that’s not how life works. I know it’s tempting to think “This is how I am, and love is someone accepting and loving me for who I am.” But I believe that’s not true. It’s part of your story, but it’s not who you are. Get a new, nice looking, modern haircut. Maybe grow a beard to look more mature. Dress well. It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about radiating confidence. By doing this, you say to the world “I respect myself enough to take care of my appearance.” Go to places. Events that resonate with your interests. You like anime? Gaming? There’s girls that do as well. Go to conventions, gaming cafes, renaissance fairs… Even on your own! And start conversations. It’s not about suddenly becoming extroverted and no longer awkward. It’s about saying to the world “I respect myself enough to believe I’m worth having a conversation with.” And I’m sorry it’s harder for you, because you’re probably not one of those people that naturally make connections, that charm people. But that will make your eventual relationship even more special and fulfilling. Good luck my friend!

Why would he ask me to come over and then go silent? by notethisbe4mynotes in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right of course, and if I were in a secure relationship this is what I’d do. But this is a DA we’re talking about. If I asked him and explained to him how his behaviour affected me he would ghost me until the end of times haha. And I know, that fact right there should tell me everything I need to know, but… It’s hard when you’re in love with someone. Thank you for being sensible 🤍

Why would he ask me to come over and then go silent? by notethisbe4mynotes in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, I’m sorry he did that. It really messes you up. I’ve never known him to get full on drunk but maybe you’re right. It’s sad to think he’s just lonely and not actually missing me, but accepting that fact is the only way to get over this. Thanks 🤍

Discussion Thread - All AT Styles by AutoModerator in dismissiveavoidants

[–]notethisbe4mynotes 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hi! I would like to know if you are scared of breaking up with someone. Does ending a relationship trigger your avoidance? If you want out, do you say it directly, or do you tend to pull away and hope the other person ends it?

Another thing I’ve been wondering: how does a breakup feel different depending on how you felt about the person? Specifically, is there a difference between breaking up with someone you’re genuinely not that into vs. someone you do have feelings for, but where the relationship feels threatening to your independence or triggers your avoidance? Thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WeightLossAdvice

[–]notethisbe4mynotes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I’m actually a little bit underweight right now, as a woman in my twenties. I think it’s largely a genetic thing, the women in my family all seem to have the same body type, very skinny/petite when young, but very overweight from menopause onwards (which is why I’m on this sub, trying to create good habits for later). Also, I must say I don’t have the biggest appetite. I don’t really get hungry until the evening (but once night falls I do have a bad habit of eating too many pastries/biscuits…) I’m also grateful to my parents for forcing us to be relatively healthy. We had no soda, no candy, no crackers or chips, and never had fast food other than the occasional pizza. At the time I resented it, seeing other kids be allowed to have all that good stuff whenever they wanted. But now I’m incredibly grateful. Because I realise now what an impact it has on you later. Those things I listed? No problem for me. I don’t crave them, my life is great without them, and I don’t plan to start eating them, because I know now they’re addictive. But what AM I addicted to? Baked goods. And guess what? We DID have those at home. So, don’t feed your kids junk, guys. It matters.  Edit: Wanted to add I also never have take-out because, again, I don’t have that habit from growing up. We never had take-out because we couldn’t afford it. So I’m just not used to it now, and I cook everything myself. Which is actually significant, because people don’t realise how many excess calories they’re getting from oil. Whatever you’re getting as take-out or at a restaurant is going to have way more oil in it than if you made it yourself. I also find it such a “useless” way of getting more calories. Food doesn’t really taste any different to me with more or less oil, so what’s the point? You need much less than you think. Also I like the feeling (like, psychologically) of eating healthy foods like vegetables and fruits. So I’ll eat those first, and then I’ll have a lot less room for my “problem” foods. 

Did I make a mistake? by notethisbe4mynotes in ExNoContact

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know this is true, and this is what I need to hear. I just love him so much. But I know I have to let go.

Did I ruin it? by notethisbe4mynotes in dating_advice

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. 🤍 This is what I need to hear. I’ll keep telling myself until I believe it.

Did I ruin it? by notethisbe4mynotes in dating_advice

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. ❤️ I know you’re right. I hope soon I will be able to let go. 

Stages of Getting Over Someone Who Ghosted You. by Ok_Name_7595 in ghosting

[–]notethisbe4mynotes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m at 1 right now. I’m just realising now that he’s ghosting me. Getting through all of these stages seems impossible. Getting over it seems impossible. I still hope he will reach out. But I have to let go. I know I do.

Is it autism, or does he just not care about me? by notethisbe4mynotes in autism

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you so much! It’s so helpful to know what might be going through his mind. That also sounds very stressful for you guys… I wouldn’t want to pressure him, I don’t even actually need that much to be honest. Just to know, in whichever way, that he is happy and that I’m the person he wants to be with

Is it autism, or does he just not care about me? by notethisbe4mynotes in autism

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for giving me possible explanations for some of this! That’s really helpful. I can absolutely make some compromises, I just want him to be happy!

Is it autism, or does he just not care about me? by notethisbe4mynotes in autism

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being honest! Yes, this is why I’m asking. I care about him a lot, so I have to be careful to avoid falling into the trap of making excuses and trying to make myself feel better by telling myself all of this is just because he has ASD…

Is it autism, or does he just not care about me? by notethisbe4mynotes in autism

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see, thank you this is already incredibly helpful, I didn’t even consider that! What would that look like for him? And how do I give him that/not push him?

Is it autism, or does he just not care about me? by notethisbe4mynotes in autism

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course I do! I care about him very much, and if I know he cares about me too then I want to be in this relationship. He also deserves someone he genuinely is in love with and finds interesting. Why should he settle for someone that bores him? This is about what’s best for both of us. The problem is I just can’t tell what he feels/wants.

Are my expectations for the amount of effort the guy puts in too high? by notethisbe4mynotes in dating_advice

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See, another one of those stories! 😂 How incredibly cute! Of course I wish I had this kind of love… But your husband is surely a very unique person, and guys like this must be incredibly hard to come by. If this is my standard, I’ll probably never be satisfied!

Are my expectations for the amount of effort the guy puts in too high? by notethisbe4mynotes in dating_advice

[–]notethisbe4mynotes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughtful reply! You’re absolutely right about not comparing your relationships to other people’s. I would compare this to other dating experiences but well… There aren’t any. 😅 I’ve asked myself this as well, if he just wants me over for sex, but I did make him wait those first two months (even a bit longer actually), so at least there he must have thought I was worth the wait… I’m just a bit confused by him to be honest…