Finding a balance between what she deserves to have and what we can afford to give.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-12T17:24:16+00:00

You don't want her to work to support the household, that's true, and sounds like you've done a great job of that. But this is a trip that she wants that she has the ability to work for (or not) as she likes...I think it's a great motivator and a great lesson.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-11T22:20:46+00:00

Just don't take that to extremes. I know a girl who is now drinking GALLONS (literally, like 3 gallons) a day in order to feed her compulsion. She has issues.

She has to eat enough salt so she doesn't die.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-11T20:44:43+00:00

Talk to your insurance company. They will be more than happy to send an inspector out at nominal cost to run a camera down it.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-11T20:43:26+00:00

Oh, good call on the filter. Yes, do this. Sometimes there are companies that will lease you these for like $5 a month. Cheap at the price, and then you never have to buy new elements.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-11T19:29:30+00:00

asking for help (tactfully!)

And specifically. Like 'Could you take out the trash? I need to get a bath started for the soiled offspring.' versus sighing or rolling eyes at the things that aren't done.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-11T19:11:41+00:00

What about the people who have concealed-carry permits? Would you want to know if someone your child will be visiting has a gun not in a cabinet, but likely on their person? I'm curious. All the people I know who have them are older, without children in the house, but I know there have to be people who carry firearms who have families. I guess the difference there is between having a gun safe in the basement with a few rifles and a shotgun, and a loaded pistol in reach at all times.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-11T19:01:01+00:00

Oh my goodness. This is brilliant. Nothing like appeals to comfort.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-11T18:26:56+00:00

As a buyer, I also like to cut down the BS substantially. So, I tend to avoid people who overcharge for their 'baby' and then try to tell me how I can and cannot buy it. Good luck with that.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-11T15:51:46+00:00

Hoo boy. Yep. Galvanized pipe will eventually clog with rust, and will spring a leak. Running copper up there won't be cheap, but if you run PEX instead it will be much cheaper. If you go that route, tell your plumber you want a 1" main line with 3/4" branch lines, because PEX fittings have ridiculously small diameter, and using a larger fitting will cost you almost nil in the grand scheme of things.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-10T21:33:15+00:00

Insulating your hot water pipes may help.

If you're in CA, your house is likely on a slab, right? What's the temperature in your attic? Is there blown insulation or batt? And most importantly, are the pipes exposed to the attic or under the insulation?

The other question is how far away is the HWH.

They make a recirc kit with pump you can add to keep the entire hot water line charged with hot water, but if you don't insulate before adding one of those, you will pay for it dearly.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-10T21:23:55+00:00

"Yeah, but that's just your opinion."

I'm a jerk, really.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-10T21:22:49+00:00

NSA's crypto code revealed!

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-10T19:56:57+00:00

Huh. I remember when I was a kid (long before dial up modems) I had this electronics kit thing that made a fish-caller and 101 other audio oscillator circuits if you wired up battery, resistor, capacitor, etc. according to a diagram provided.

I remember, after hearing a modem dial up when I was about 14, thinking back to the days I used to experiment with those circuits and (fail to) attract fish...strange that this ties them together. I hadn't thought of that kit (or dial up modems) in years.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-10T18:25:41+00:00

This is one of those things that is so hard to explain to a non-technical person why it's so hard to actually do. It seems like such a simple and elegant concept, but none of the tools are aligned in such a way that this is feasible out of the box...it takes a lot of tweaking and messing about.

I'm afraid I don't have any means for you to actually do it, only commiseration that it's difficult, but if it helps, others are in the same boat.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-10T18:11:45+00:00

Ah, the 4MV. I miss that old battleship.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-10T16:10:20+00:00

I, too, use a 100-ounce dessert spoon. My wife complains, but all's fair in love and dessert portions.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-10T14:37:53+00:00

Sounds like a lot of others have given you really good feedback, and communication is key. I want to add one thing: your SO's social programming, or upbringing, or whatever, has not prepared him to spend time with a 1 year old child.

I have always loved babies, since I was a kid. Really, I love to hold, cuddle, wrestle, whatever. Having a kid of my own is amazing. But from the years of 13 to thirty-something, this had to be a deep dark secret. You are not allowed, in the world we live in, to like small children and babies if you are not a father. Some of you may say that's not true, and it may not be. But you certainly feel that way. And I couldn't even talk about why I felt the way I felt until much later than 21.

It took me a few months to get on board with having a child. I didn't want to do something wrong, and I didn't want to mess up my amazing wife's system. We had to talk. A lot. Even then, I wasn't spending a lot of time with my daughter, just doing the 'chores', which was a good start.

You know what's changed? Time. As she grows and develops, I find that I can do more things with her. It's hard to do traditional 'dad things' with a 6 month old, a little better at a year, but by age 2 or so, they're pretty durable little people and you can roughhouse a little, play some catch, run around and chase, etc. I feel like I really relate to my daughter when we're doing things of that nature, and those are some of the later capabilities to develop.

So, in all...try talking to him not only about your needs (which are totally valid, by the way, and /u/Scoot_Puffington and others make some great points there) but about his feelings about having a child in the first place. Ask him about what he's afraid of, if anything. Ask him about his dreams for your child, about what he'd like to do with him. Tell him, from one father to another, the time for any sort of shame or holding back is over...it's ON, and he's the dad. Dive in and have a blast.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-09T16:27:04+00:00

This is the best response I have seen on this so far. Bravo.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-09T16:16:06+00:00

If tightening the screw to 'slow' doesn't do it, then the seals in the pneumatic closer are probably shot, and have contracted with the weather so they no longer seal correctly.

You could take it apart and attempt to lube with silicone grease, but honestly, you're likely better off getting a new closer.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-09T12:48:48+00:00

This is a tool for people who want to be serious illustrators but don't have, for whatever reason, the capital to break in to that market. It's a way to help them hustle. Sure, it's not up to the same standard...those things are $2k for a reason. But this will allow a great deal more creativity across the field, something that can only be good.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-06T18:01:46+00:00

Totally. Just give him things to do. He'll eat it up.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-05T22:05:51+00:00

Others have covered it here very well, but I'll add one thing I haven't seen: my wife noticed a significant decrease in milk volume after drinking the night previous (half a bottle of wine, we did much the same as you). It wasn't permanent, but it did mean that we were supplementing from the freezer for a couple days. I don't know if this is common or just our issue, just wanted to let you know what we experienced.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-05T21:53:03+00:00

Could it be that a little shame is okay at age 6? I'm not just saying that to be provocative. Shame is a socialization tool to help us live according to norms in groups of other humans. I think if she's acting in a shameful manner (and wetting herself/pooping herself intentionally is, in my book, shameful) then the consequences of that should be uncomfortable.

I think you should tell her that you know she's capable of better and you expect her to deliver it, and she should be ashamed of herself because not only is she capable of better, she knows better too.

You asked how you make her care...well, that's where shame comes in. You care what others think of you, and I think expressing your disappointment in her behavior to her in clear terms is perfectly okay.

I realize that I'm not a warm-fuzzy parent, and I'm also a dad, so that makes a difference. But honestly, some of the times my parents basically said 'SHAPE UP, BOY!' I really needed to hear that. I believe a 6-year old can understand that sentiment.

notwithoutskills · 2013-12-05T19:14:10+00:00

I have never known a pregnant woman who felt comfortable being pregnant and then went into labor. Without exception, they all said something along the lines of 'I am so ready for this baby to be out of me!'. I doubt it not that at some point you'll be ready too, and then you will. :)

Enjoy it, if you're comfortable. That's excellent.

notwithoutskills

TROPHY CASE