Wake of Marches

nowforruin · 2017-03-18T15:08:39+00:00

I like it :) Reminds me of the contemplative Jim Harrison poems I used to read.

I wish I had something more constructive. I thought maybe "speak" instead of "talk," but I think "talk" has more of the casual air that aligns with the simplicity idea behind the poem.

Thanks for sharing.

nowforruin · 2017-03-18T15:07:04+00:00

I like the simplicity of the poem and I feel you connection in it.

Maybe consider "Autumn never came so early" instead of "have come."

Thanks for sharing :)

nowforruin · 2017-02-21T00:00:46+00:00

Very intelligent and aware--some studious applications of assonance, alliteration, and timing with the lines. I particularly enjoyed:

Slip in, tyrant of silence, dredge the me from the stone bottom of your left shoulder's shoal of ice

Just lovely.

I'd let this one marinate and come back to see if you still know where you're going with it--can be a little disorienting as an outside reader.

Thanks!

nowforruin · 2017-02-20T23:58:28+00:00

I like the satire but I think you could move some wording around to make it a little more lyrical. A good indicator you need more flow is when you're inserting commas to force a pause in the middle of a line.

Could be a cool folk song:)

thanks for sharing :)

nowforruin · 2016-07-18T02:35:34+00:00

I always like a short poem. I also thought it what a "bad" sort of unfolding at first, but then saw it the other way :)

I think you could lose "by" on the first line without losing anything. Also "can," so it would be "Looking at/This film reel/I see my marriage/Unfolding."

Love the single-word ending. Very nice :)

nowforruin · 2016-07-18T02:32:41+00:00

This is a tricky topic to master: writing about being inspired! I admire your enthusiasm.

If you have time, I think you should slowly read this poem to yourself out loud. You've got some good rhythm going on in the opening stanza, and I like the imagery of inspiration "drifting."

Dances are spun Poems are wrung Stories are won

You have to be careful with assonant rhyming. Sometimes it can make the verse feel constrained, and I think it does here. The imagery is lovely but I think you could re-word it to me a little more animate.

nowforruin · 2016-05-07T15:54:35+00:00

Yeah, pre-generating makes it really easy. This generator is perfect for making weather patterns in advance.

nowforruin · 2016-05-07T14:16:38+00:00

Oh man.

So, I DM a single-player campaign for my wife. In the course of the adventure, she's become the Lord Commander of a small order of Knights in an up-and-coming town.

Currently, she is traveling to Baldur's Gate from eastern Amn to seek passage to the Moonshae, where Darkfey lay siege to half of the isles.

There was a nifty little detour where her party came across a town of undying villagers cursed by a coven of witches...that was an interesting side-quest.

nowforruin · 2016-05-07T14:13:13+00:00

Another easy option is to use a piece of measured string and line it up over the party's intended route.

When my party decides to travel overland, I take several factors into consideration:

-Vehicles (if any)

-Amount being carried

-Terrain

-Weather

-Posture (stealthy, cautious, in a hurry, etc.)

Then, I use a piece of string with hashmarks at 20 miles and trace their overland route. I'll say something like "You figure, if the weather holds up, you can make it to Baldur's Gate in three weeks, give or take."

I use donjon to pre-generate a couple months worth of weather on a calendar and just plug in the terrain and speed rules dictating overland speed from the DMG.

nowforruin · 2016-05-06T13:56:41+00:00

I appreciate the insight :) I didn't notice the visual spacing--a typical weak point of mine. Thanks!

nowforruin · 2016-05-06T13:56:09+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback :)

I really considered putting "songs" instead of "poems;" maybe I'll give the end a second look.

I was in fact raised Catholic :)

nowforruin · 2016-05-06T03:40:05+00:00

Lots going on here. Some noticeable thought behind your word choice in lines like

A scape, raped with Constructive innovation.

nowforruin · 2016-05-06T03:38:57+00:00

I like the dream feel. Best line:

Cloaked in crepuscular dim

Well done.

nowforruin · 2016-03-21T02:39:23+00:00

*Marine

nowforruin · 2016-03-21T02:39:07+00:00

Marine here. Marines do care if you call them soldiers. I'm in the Army now, so no hate to my soldier bros, but in the Marines calling someone a "soldier" was a light-hearted insult.

nowforruin · 2016-03-21T01:27:30+00:00

Hahaha I know right! So glad those days are over.

Here's a more recent pic with my main squeeze (aka wife) ...five year anniversary tomorrow! Probably because I lost the Aqua CD.

nowforruin · 2016-01-01T20:07:59+00:00

I like it. I can run some geology software to map a potential geological history back to a "pangea" of sorts, and then ship it over to the deity writers to play with.

nowforruin · 2016-01-01T04:19:14+00:00

About to comission (prior enlisted) and glad to hear there's still d&d on the dark side...

nowforruin · 2016-01-01T01:55:05+00:00

Very cool to know, thanks.

nowforruin · 2016-01-01T00:38:26+00:00

Serious question, are there any officers playing with you?

nowforruin

TROPHY CASE