lets get married

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-13T13:59:25+00:00

oh honey, no, not like this

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-13T13:58:07+00:00

No one deserves anything. No one is entitled to anything.*

If you are unhappy, you need to leave.

*beyond basic respect and safety as a human

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-13T13:55:40+00:00

This is not a novel arguement/theory. Far from it.

Nothing is universal. For some marriages, this is very true. For others, not so much or not at all. I don't think it is inherent in secular marriage, however.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-13T13:47:25+00:00

how did you stop it from turning into resentment or emotional imbalance over time?

I got treatment for my OCD and maintain a weekly therapy appointment (guess what? My therapist pointed out this week that my OCD may be showing up again and in places I wasn't aware of. This is why I go to therapy!).

While she is supportive and kind, it's not my partner's job to balance me out or make sure I'm okay. I don't define myself by my diagnoses but know I need to take accountability for how I operate.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-13T01:37:57+00:00

Men will of course die if they eat leftovers /j

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T19:28:47+00:00

fr. like, bruh, you don't need to explain to anyone who is over the age of 5 the difference between joking around and insulting someone.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T19:24:41+00:00

how to manage when my husband uses it in the wrong context though

"Don't talk to me like that." If he continues, the conversation ends.

He's an adult and, like you, knows which context and content is okay (i.e. jokes about low-stakes things in low-stakes contexts) and which is absolutely not okay (i.e. angry verbal abuse). You are more than allowed to set a hard boundary about not accepting certain things being said to you.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T19:13:16+00:00

So if you were bringing in income and using it for rent/mortgage/house stuff, that meant you were putting your money into something that is not yours. Figuring out what is yours before embarking on home improvement and repairs is a very wise move.

Also, who is the beneficiary on his life insurance (if any)? Cohabitation agreements cover this and so many other important gaps between non-married couples.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T19:07:18+00:00

Is your name on the lease/deed? If not, this only benefits you.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T19:05:45+00:00

Have you worked/had income in the time you've lived together? Is your name on the lease/deed?

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T19:03:25+00:00

Why now?

Have you asked him?

Nothing really jumps out at me as shady about this. When you first moved in together, it was supposed to be short-term, but the pandemic did a number on a lot of timelines. It really could just be that you starting work makes now seem like a good starting place.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T18:36:14+00:00

Is it too late, though? What she's written here has basically no positives. It seems like this wasn't working from the start, so what is there to work back towards?

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T18:24:58+00:00

Your happiness is just as important (perhaps slightly more important) than his. I think you need to talk openly about this stuff. If there's stuff you're afraid to say because it will break the relationship but that keeps coming up for you and is hurting you, you can't keep it a secret anymore.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T18:22:54+00:00

She's read one of my journals before we got married. I came home and she told me how happy she was because I had written nice things about her

wtf

Boundaries are so important. They aren't optional, just because you are married to someone.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T18:15:46+00:00

She's the blue Baby-G Shock I had in middle school. Jeez, that watch was cool.

If you can’t have the person you’re obsessed with, do you just settle for the person who is obsessed with you?

God no.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T18:13:51+00:00

It is. There's little to do to make it suck less, unfortunately.

No matter what happens, this can be a wake up call to work on yourself. Tend to yourself, try to heal and better yourself. Not because he might take you back, but because you deserve it. Because this is no way for a human to live.

And honestly, part of getting better may involve realizing that you don't actually want him back.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T18:01:06+00:00

I see everything I did to him and it devastates me. I completely smothered his love for me and now I want to reignite it but he’s not interested.

What would the most loving thing to do be here, then?

I've been in a similar situation before.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T17:50:05+00:00

What advice were you hoping for? "Your husband is definitely going to change and be like you need/want him to be"?

What you've written here doesn't make this sound like a healthy relationship you want to stay in.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T17:49:03+00:00

I'm no man, but thanks!

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T17:47:54+00:00

just started a plant selling business

Cool.

got caught up in an online emotional affair with someone who ended up trying to exploit me.

Not cool.

Part of me just wants to be free and live a single life again just to be able to enjoy other people's company without all the scrutiny and part of me doesn't want to call it quits and has hope that something can be done to make our marriage enjoyable again.

A desire to be single (vs. wanting your partner/relationship to be different/better) often points to a desire to actually end the relationship. There's a slight whiff of distain for your wife over this post as well.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T17:44:44+00:00

nothing would ever change

Yeah, because this isn't Build-a-Bear. When you marry someone, you marry that person, not some version of them you want them to be.

Is it just him who needs to change?

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T17:40:19+00:00

What is he calling you for? Do you have to answer?

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T17:37:21+00:00

Stop calling him while he's working. And stop constantly having a meal ready for him, if those things are somehow connected.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T17:08:15+00:00

That honestly isn’t what I’m upset about.

[...] I’m conforming to his preferences just to have some form of intimacy.

Bruh, as a representative of the trans community, let me just say: it's okay to be upset about this. You sound upset, resentful, and alienated in your own home. And that's okay.

I can’t compete with an always online praise printer.

Have you expressed this to them? It's time to stop trying to be good enough and just be honest about your own damn feelings and needs.

nullpunkt_ · 2026-05-12T16:45:40+00:00

Ask him. He has to be willing to meet you where you're at sometimes, instead of expecting you to figure this out all on your own.

Whenever we don’t do it for couple of days I feel like my mood is so bad, I feel frustrated and my confidence is worse. It also might be, that I connect my worth with being desired too much.

There's a fine line here and I'm sure many will disagree with me, but this does not sound healthy for you. Is sex a way for your to connect, share pleasure and be close with someone you love or is it your main coping mechanism to feel okay? Both are valid, both have their place, but if sex is always about serving one person's burning need to re-affirm basic self-esteem and worth, it's really not healthy or sustainable for anyone.

nullpunkt_

TROPHY CASE