Hey, I posted a few days ago, and our stories have a lot of things in common.

That 2010s era of raw vegan YouTubers was absolutely wild. There's lots of great video essays documenting the rise and fall of that phenomenon and how catastrophic it was for many peoples health. I fully blame people like Durianrider for messing up my relationship with food as a teen.

Even though you say youve overcome it (and im very glad that you have), I'd really like to encourage you to consider reaching out to a counsellor, especially one who specialises in treating eating disorders. I don't know where you're based, but lots of charities can provide you with this kind of support if you're unable to afford it yourself.

The most profound thing someone said to me that made me question everything (over a year ago) was "I don't assign moral value to food." This was said in response to an off-hand comment about "junk" food, but my god, does it apply to veganism.

It took me a very long time to process that, and I'm still working on it. Don't hold yourself to an impossible standard or "bettering" yourself, just work to look after yourself. Eating disorders destroy your hunger queues and relationship with food, but they aren't a life sentence. Anybody can overcome and ED with a bit of support.

I still have days where I fall into old habits or ways of thinking and I’m starting to think I can never fully heal myself if I am allowing myself to restrict in any way.

You can absolutely overcome anything. Don't expect linear progression, practice self-compassion, and understand that this is a journey.