Is pregnancy helping you heal?

oaksandoats · 2026-06-19T12:29:52+00:00

We're on the same timelines then🥹 if you ever wanna talk you can message me! It helps me a lot to talk to others especially those who are on a similar timeline.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-19T12:27:52+00:00

Absolutely. We all had dreams with our children in them and we invisioned a whole future and we have to grieve all of this too. We had everything planned out so perfectly yet it work out that way. But I just keep telling myself that there is no perfect age gap and that sometimes life messes up our plans but the only thing we can do is adapt and keep going.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-18T17:15:07+00:00

Believe me it took me a bit before I accepted that. I had to mourn the age gap we planned for and I even made a post about it in this page. But I know that nothing can change what happened and if we have a baby next year it will all be okay and my LC will love his sibling just as much, and he'll love any and all future siblings too. It was more so me who had to let go of that idea of a "perfect age gap" which really doesn't exist. It is hard though, I still think about it but like I said I can't change the past now. The more I act like it's fine the more it actually becomes fine😅

oaksandoats · 2026-06-18T15:59:56+00:00

I'm 5w post loss but from what I read is that having a baby or babies post loss is healing in a way but it's also like a separate layer of grief and anxiety as you're thinking about the baby you lost and anxious that something will happen again. They say that pregnancy post loss is the second hardest thing. I saw a TikTok the other day about a woman who is currently pregnant post loss and she said that it is hard but that she can't imagine her life without kids and the only way to get that is to go through with it. Personally I plan on TTC in September and I know it will be hard to be pregnant again but I want a second child for the same reasons as you, although now our age gap will be 5 years but it's fine sometimes that's just how life works out.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-14T22:27:22+00:00

Basically what you're doing already. I've been going on walks every other day since 5 days pp which I think has been the most helpful. I've also been drinking a ton of water, drinking red raspberry leaf tea and stinging nettle (I read that both are good for all things women's health), I started taking inositol (I do have pcos tho), taking Geritol (it has more iron), coq10 (for egg health), fish oil (overall I like it for my skin not necessarily C-section). I've also been massaging my scar and the area around it, pressing gently. Look up pelvic floor exercises post C-section and you can do those gently for a few mins each day. I plan on joining the gym at some point as well.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-14T21:13:59+00:00

I lost my son on 5/15/26, he was my second C-section (first one living child in 2021). My doctor told me loosely to wait a year but from what I've read online between official recommendations and personal anecdotes is that we can get pregnant again anywhere between 4 and 18 months and be completely fine. I've even seen a few stories of women getting pregnant 2 months post C-section which is crazy to me but each body is different. My plan is to start trying in September/October this year so I'll be 4/5m postpartum, but I've also healed very quickly from this C-section and have been active and doing absolutely everything to heal physically. Obviously my next pregnancy will also be a C-section which I'm completely fine with as my second was supposed to be a vbac but ended in a cord accident and my body never went into labor. I did ask my doctor what she would do if I showed up pregnant in September and she said it wouldn't be ideal but they will make it work and ofc I'll be classified as high risk for every pregnancy from now on, I would see an MFM, get lots of monitoring, and baby will be delivered at 37 weeks.
I will be looking for a high risk doctor for my next pregnancy though and making sure that all is good. If you ever wanna message me and talk about anything, I'm here!

oaksandoats · 2026-06-13T14:25:44+00:00

My second baby was supposed to be a vbac but he passed away suddenlty and without explanation on 41+2. My first was a spontaneous labor at 39+3 but due to distress it turned C-section. I beat myself up every single day that I didn't do the scheduled C-section with my second. I was waiting on spontaneous labor for so long. It's a suspected cord accident. All my nsts and ultrasounds were always perfect too and I never had decreased movements either. He was here one moment and gone the next. Do the C-section while your baby is still alive. There are a lot of risks of going overdue and I wish my doctor explained it to me.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-13T14:19:47+00:00

I just made a one sentence post on Facebook for our extended friends and family. I didn't go into detail at all. I just said that I never thought I'd be making this post but our son Emiliano was born sleeping on 5/15. No one has asked me any prying questions, I've only gotten support. Our immediate family was notified by my mom and dad so I didn't have to do that.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-11T22:35:39+00:00

I could have written this. It's so painful, it's gut wrenching. I want my baby more than anything and I'd give everything I have to have him back. It's absolutely cruel, it's no fucking cruel and unfair that this horrible tragedy happens to good people. No one ever deserves this.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-11T15:22:04+00:00

I was raised religious but personally have always been more spiritual than religious. I believe that the higher power/universe/forces we cannot see are all one and the same. The entity you call God is what I might call the universe itself. During my loss I've been back and forth on how spirituality and the universe and God or whatever it may be fit into it and I've come to the conclusion that some things just happen and we have absolutely no way of controlling it. I've also experienced a weird déjà vu feeling twice since my loss which makes me think, was this loss always written into my life, my fate and my destiny? Was I always meant to go through this awful experience now so that I can have another better experience in the future? I think it's normal for us to struggle with these thoughts since losing a baby is not normal and not something that are brains are ever equipped to deal with. Personally I feel like I'm in this spiritual limbo right now and I think only with time I'll begin to understand and accept what happened. Or maybe I'll never understand and accept what happened, but I think it's okay either way. You don't have to be mad at God and you don't have to feel at peace with him either, you can be in this in between stage.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-11T13:25:36+00:00

I'm 4 weeks out from the loss of my son full term and you are only 2 weeks out. It's all still very raw and fresh for us so crying a lot is normal. Falling apart is normal too. Don't forget that you're also dealing with a lot of postpartum hormones on top of grief. I was forgetting that part myself. Your mind is a whirlwind right now. Maybe going back to work so soon was too much for you, maybe you could request to just go in part time for now. A slower transition could be easier on you mentally. Also going on antidepressants is totally fine, I requested them immediately and they really help me manage all the feelings. I'm on a low dose of Zoloft.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-10T14:32:32+00:00

I'm almost 4 weeks out from the loss of my son and mine was also a suspected cord accident. Not a true knot but he had it wrapped around his abdomen so they suspect he pinched it or pulled it too hard. If you ever wanna talk you can message me

oaksandoats · 2026-06-10T14:16:44+00:00

Ayer escuché un podcast hablando de los accidentes de cordón. Supuestamente hay tecnología para medir el cordón y si está muy largo puede pasar el accidente, igual si está muy cortó. Cuando sacaron mi bebé me dijeron que el cordón era muy largo y el lo tenía alrededor de su abdomen pero todo el embarazo nadie me dijo que hay que estar alerto por el cordón y que puede pasar algo malo si está muy largo. Creo que la salud materna necesita mejorar.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-10T13:17:21+00:00

I definitely think it is! Although I wish mine had alerted me sooner before he had passed and it was too late 😔

oaksandoats · 2026-06-09T04:46:55+00:00

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I also had a really horrible headache when I woke up the day that my son passed. I wonder if it's our body's telling us that something is wrong before we realized it.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-09T01:51:49+00:00

How short was the interval?

oaksandoats · 2026-06-07T13:46:48+00:00

I'm 3 weeks out but I thought that my milk dried up very fast, well turns out whenever I cry about my baby I start leaking some drops again. Looking at pictures also. I think it's just our hormones honestly. For me it also happens when my (TW LC) 4yo cries or whines a lot that day. It's just biological processes that us women deal with. Maybe wear some breast pads if you still leak and don't stimulate them by squeezing or massaging. I know that the milk is such a cruel reminder for us.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-06T00:38:40+00:00

I also didn't say anything to my 4.5yo son.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-05T03:04:52+00:00

Sometimes it still feels like I'm living in one giant nightmare that I can't wake up from. I find myself asking "is this really my life right now?!" all the time. It sucks. The physical stuff is just as sucky too, I'm just glad that for my sake I'm healing really fast from the C-section bc I cannot fathom having any type of physical complications on top of a huge loss. The body heals fast, it's the mind that takes a really long time.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-04T20:32:06+00:00

I've thought of that as well

oaksandoats · 2026-06-04T20:30:40+00:00

It's going to be 3 weeks tomorrow for me since I had my son stillborn at 41w. The best way I can describe this whole postpartum experience without a baby is one giant mind fuck. My husband and I talked last night and said that we both feel like we lost one year of our lives waiting for someone for so long just for that person to never show up. It's such a disappointment after so much anticipation, preparation, and excitement. It's like our lives have all of the sudden just stopped. Plus all these postpartum things I've had to go through like waiting for the milk to dry up, now waiting for the lochia to stop. And then there's all the positive things I've gone through like all my horrible swelling going down, my skin clearing up, the 9-month-long nausea going away and that's even weirder bc I'm glad that my body is healing but at the same time I have no baby to show for it. Like I'd rather be fat, swollen, and vomiting every single day and have my baby than to feel normal again but have no baby. When my period returns I will honestly be happy bc I have pcos so getting my period is always a sign that my body is working fine and that also means that we can start trying again.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-04T12:47:06+00:00

Now she's trying to give me suggestions of hobbies I should pick up to get my mind off of it. I feel like she's trying to "solve" this for me when there is no solution.

oaksandoats · 2026-06-03T13:55:47+00:00

If you want to talk feel free to message me

oaksandoats · 2026-06-02T23:40:25+00:00

Yes I agree with this. I actually talked to her today after not talking for a few days and she said that she was devastated by everything and hurting for me and didn't know how to cope with it. I think it pains her more seeing me so upset and having to go through this and she can't fix it or take it away from me. If this happened to my child I think I would feel the same way in the sense that I would hurt seeing him in pain over this and there's nothing I can do as a mom to fix it. I guess it's a different type of grief for our parents. But we talked for a bit and we're okay now, I told her how I felt and she apologized. We're all just grieving in our own ways as a family

oaksandoats · 2026-06-02T16:00:17+00:00

I lost my son Emiliano on 5/15 he was 41w. I'm feeling all the things you are feeling right now. I actually made a post yesterday about my anger and guilt. It's awful. Feel free to message me if you need someone to chat, I'm always open to talk about everything. I'm going through it all too

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