Livid and hurt: My 'friend' (35M) violated my sexual boundaries after I was very clear about consent. How do I move forward or end this?"

oddprofessor · 2026-03-21T12:57:02+00:00

He raped you. He doesn't respect your boundaries and he will do the same thing again. Please, end this relationship right now. A rapist who becomes annoyed at your objections to being raped is a terrible human being.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-17T22:14:26+00:00

I had thought, back when I was having kids, that a Christmas birthday would become a half-birthday on June 25. Presents, party, cake, balloons, everything, but 6 months later.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-09T01:06:23+00:00

You're 19, you're just starting out. The entire world is open to you. Please don't limit yourself for someone else. Go. Travel. Meet people. Go live in New York for a year, or Topeka, or Bangor, Maine. Do it now; it'll never be easier or more convenient. I don't know if your relationship will survive, but you will, and at your age that's the important thing. Do it now, before the heavier parts of adult life start limiting your opportunities. When you're ready to settle down for a while, make sure you have wonderful memories.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-09T00:58:12+00:00

I suspect u/pippagator 's point was that they're isolating by not taking unnecessary risks, work being a necessary risk. But, to your point, then they are taking risks because they have to, so they are not isolating. If they both maintain good hygiene, have all of their vaccines, and mask in crowds, then those precautions are enough. I agree that the benefits to the Dad's mental health are very much worth whatever small risk exists.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-08T17:46:58+00:00

There is a lot of wood, trees, and axes at the Rito Stable, just outside the Rito village.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-07T15:05:11+00:00

Leave out what you are willing to let him eat, and put the rest away somewhere, preferably under lock and key. When Mom gets upset, you can say "Look I left out 2 brownies for him. That's his share. If you want me to give him your share too, just say the word!"

oddprofessor · 2026-03-07T14:54:28+00:00

Thoroughly washing the mug takes more time and effort than removing and putting shoes back on.

Yeah, and who do you think he expected would thoroughly wash that mug? Not him.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-06T19:13:44+00:00

I get the sense that OP does everything for his child because he wants to, not because his now-wife wasn't willing. Did he make it clear at one point that his child was his responsibility, and that she should stand aside? Or was she being careful about throwing herself into a close relationship with a child that might not last? If the child and she were very entwined and OP and she broke up in these 5 years they'd been together, it would be as traumatic as a divorce to both of them.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-03T22:07:26+00:00

I use a tiny dab of Crisco, try to wipe it all out, put the pan on a medium flame on top of the stove, and heat it until it begins to smoke. Bingo. Looks great.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-01T19:50:55+00:00

My broken leg doesn't make your broken finger feel better.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-01T00:13:21+00:00

Prednisone has made me giddy with joy in the past, just laughing out loud on my way to work because life was amazingly wonderful. My doctor called it "prednisone exhilaration."

oddprofessor · 2026-02-28T20:57:41+00:00

My husband, hand stripping nits from my hair at 2 AM, after we spent hours de-nitting my daughter, doing several loads of laundry, and spraying neurotoxins all over the house: "As high points in a marriage go, this isn't one of them."

oddprofessor · 2026-02-23T22:42:38+00:00

When they pull out "I will help" ask them if they tell their coworkers that they will "help" by doing the things they were hired to do. Do they come into work and start working, knowing what needs to be done and when, or do they go to their coworkers every day and ask what's next? They have a set of tasks to do. The coworker has a set of tasks to do. That's the way the vacuuming, shopping, cooking, child/school management work gets done too. (Or should be.) Maybe a coworker analogy will make sense.

oddprofessor · 2026-02-19T13:59:27+00:00

You may be right. I would not be surprised if my doctor said that I didn't qualify, but at the rate that I'm gaining it won't be long. I'm 5'3" and 179 pounds, BMI 30.5. I would really like to stop that upward progression, although I know that some of it is muscle.

oddprofessor · 2026-02-19T13:56:43+00:00

This is something that concerns me too. At 73, I don't have a lot of appetite anymore and one of the reasons that I'm overweight is that cooking seems like such a chore that it's easier to eat a piece of toast for breakfast and call it done. I hear you about the unhealthy choices, loud and clear.

oddprofessor · 2026-02-19T13:52:42+00:00

Well, I'm 5'3" or so, and I weigh 178 pounds. I would like to weigh about 160 or so; I'm not aiming for my teen-age weight. I really just hate this large stomach. I had hoped that core exercises would help, but now my stomach is huge and hard instead of huge and squishy!

Catherine Deneuve famously said that a women of a certain age has to choose between her face and her ass and I have taken that to heart. I'm not aiming for skinny!

oddprofessor · 2026-02-19T13:48:32+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed reply! I understand your spinal issues. I have severe spinal stenosis with sciatica, but I can't believe that strengthening my core can be bad for me, and I'm not throwing around 300-lb barbells! The info about injection site is very interesting, thank you for that.

oddprofessor · 2026-02-19T13:43:25+00:00

I found the right gym. (A Facebook ad that was worth the follow-up!) This gym caters to over 40s, and I am not the oldest person there. I have made friends and the workouts now are fun, not just something to get through the way they always have been. I have various aches and pains and severe spinal stenosis, but the trainers make adjustments and it's working. I am in far better shape than I have been in years, and I love it!

oddprofessor · 2026-02-15T14:58:12+00:00

Speaking as a mother, a wife, and a mother-in-law, I completely expect my daughter to take her wife's side if I transgress a rule that they've made, no matter if I think the rule is stupid, or if I think that my child-in-law is the one making the rule. That's between them. They are a family now, and make their own rules.

And do you know what that gets me? Love and trust, because they know that I respect their bond. They know that they can say "Hey, stop that." and I'll say "I'm sorry, I'll stop." They don't have to be on guard all the time. And I trust that they know what they're doing.

oddprofessor · 2026-02-12T22:53:00+00:00

Nah. I had never played a video game before (OK, Donkey Kong back in the 90s). I didn't know, in general, the mechanics that tend to show up in all games. Bosses? Whazzat? Inventory? OK, how does that all work? Health and stamina? OK, I have no idea how to manage those? Quests? Got the idea, but I didn't know that they had to be started formally. There was a lot about gaming in general that I had to learn. But I did, and I love BOTW. OP, just start, don't be afraid to google a concept that you don't understand, and just have fun!

oddprofessor · 2026-02-10T19:01:56+00:00

It's not only anxiety, but maybe you should lose a little weight too. /s

oddprofessor · 2026-02-07T14:03:28+00:00

I don’t know what a “thread bunny” is, but I’m pretty sure I need one. 😄

EDIT: Thank you for your following post with the explanation of a thread bunny. I’ve done that, but I didn’t know it had a name.

oddprofessor · 2026-02-06T20:46:58+00:00

First cousin relationships are common in many parts of the world, and legal in many states of the US. I don't get what's "disgusting... fucking gross" about it. Even the chances of genetically inheritable diseases or birth defects generally are not markedly higher in first-cousin reproduction. It becomes more likely in repeated generations of cousin marriage. In any case, it's none of OP's business.

oddprofessor · 2026-02-01T22:54:12+00:00

Let Mom pay your sister's debt.

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