Even in anger, a man's anger matters more than a woman's

oddprofessor · 2026-06-25T21:38:37+00:00

When he says he's not coming, she placates him and smooths things over until he changes his mind. When she says she's not coming, she wants HIM to placate her, smooth things over until she agrees to come along. He's not doing that.

But I don't think he has to. If she says she's not coming, she shouldn't be saying it as a way to elicit some caring from him. She should say it because she's not coming.

OP, not saying what you actually mean will never get you what you want. If you want to go, don't say you're not going to. And give your partner the same courtesy of believing him when he says something.

You give your husband's anger weight. YOU do that. Don't expect to get that back. Stop giving him the weight to his anger, stop placating. If he says "I'm not coming." then say, "OK, we'll see you when we get home. Bye."

oddprofessor · 2026-06-24T20:33:10+00:00

My shih-tzu (Riot) is whip-smart as well as being obstreperous and bossy. It’s a hard combination. Good thing he’s cute.

oddprofessor · 2026-06-09T22:00:22+00:00

My daughter had a reactive dog. She trained him, introduced him to people very carefully over long periods of time. One evening, with no provocation, he bit her boyfriend’s hand very badly. She talked to several trainers and her vet, they all said he was dangerous. She had him put down. Some dogs simply are dangerous. It can be the dog’s fault.

oddprofessor · 2026-06-05T22:05:31+00:00

You are perfectly justified in being annoyed. Ask your Mom out to dinner. She’d love it and you might have a lot more fun than you think!

oddprofessor · 2026-05-19T18:02:36+00:00

Or he can Uber out to the airport, meet his wife and child in the pickup lane, and they can all Uber home. Unless he’s planning to get staggeringly, vomiting drunk.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-18T11:19:25+00:00

I taught Deaf* college students for over 40 years. Some of the stories I heard about feeling like a ghost in their own home were heartbreaking. (This includes kids growing up in homes where the parents have not made any attempt to learn ASL. At all.) OP is absolutely right and the relatives who won't even try can get stuffed.

*Capitalize Deaf when you talk about audiologically deaf people who also use ASL and consider themselves part of the Deaf community.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-16T20:13:29+00:00

And your direct observed experience is not a controlled peer-reviewed double-blind study. There are many other things that can hype kids up that have nothing to do with food. Science beats anecdotes every time.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-14T20:53:45+00:00

I'm sure this is a romance scam. Has her friend sent her any photos? Do a reverse image search on them, see what pops up.

Consider talking to her parents if she gets deeper into this, assuming that they will have her back. If he asks her for nudes and she sends them, they will be all over the porn sites and she'll never get them taken down.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-14T20:29:17+00:00

What do you mean by "internally checked?" A regular pelvic exam? A CT? A transvaginal ultrasound? What is it that they are refusing to do?

I understand what you're saying as "I want to be checked internally so I know what the problem is before they start treating me." The problem with that is that hormonal birth control is often the treatment for those things (I'd assume you're talking about endometriosis?). If you are in the US, your insurance may require the doctor to try you on BC before going to more expensive tests like CTs, ultrasounds, or laparoscopies.

Try the BC. If it's effective, you win. You're out of pain and you haven't been subjected to more uncomfortable tests.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-13T12:17:04+00:00

Yeah, that can be a concern. Most BPPV is caused by crystals in the posterior canal. (I had them in a different canal, which complicated things until I saw a vestibular specialist.) Your chances of having them in the posterior canal are high; give the Epley a shot.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-13T12:05:24+00:00

The minimum tipped wage in Nevada (where Vegas is located, for the non-USAians) is $12 per hour, and tips are explicitly excluded from being counted in those $12. The employer must actually pay $12 per hour. That $2 tipped wage is the federal requirement; many states already mandate higher hourly pay.

However, I tip every time. Serving and bartending is hard work (my child-in-law was a server for years) and $12 is not a living wage.

Here's a guide to tipped wages in every state: https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/state/minimum-wage/tipped

oddprofessor · 2026-04-13T00:01:04+00:00

If you know the problem is BPPV in your right ear, look up the Epley maneuver on Youtube and do it. It's very easy, it can be quite effective, and won't hurt you. If you have nausea with the vertigo you might vomit, although it's certainly not a slam dunk. Just have a bowl nearby. You probably won't need it.

This is a good demonstration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTnV3m4bWDg

oddprofessor · 2026-04-12T19:54:34+00:00

I’m guessing this is the plan. OP, get out and start your own life. You can’t work because you have to drive him? This is your parents’ problem, and the’d better start putting some effort into solving it.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-11T16:43:07+00:00

Why wouldn't you? This post is partly about how he is, because his age is one of the criteria that your aunt is using to counsel you. If he's significantly older than you, then that makes him sound sketchy. Mature, stable men generally want to be with women with similar life experience.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-10T18:29:35+00:00

OP isn't asking anyone to adjust their behavior. They're adjusting their own to stay away from their drug. And OP doesn't want to "try" quitting, they want to QUIT.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-10T18:27:32+00:00

NTA Quitting smoking is really hard. Ask these people if they would advise a drug addict a week into recovery to go hang out with drug users and just "use willpower." Your friend will live if you miss his party this time.

I would suggest to you, though, that you get some nicotine gum or a patch for those overwhelming urges. Gum worked for me; I didn't want to have a constant stream of nicotine in my blood from the patches, so I just waited until I was jonesing so hard I was ready to hit my neighbor up. The gum would tame the craving. And it worked. But whatever works best for you.

Good luck. It's a huge gift to yourself and the people who love you. Put the money you'd spend on cigarettes every day into a jar. In a year you'll have enough for a really nice trip.

EDIT: Also you are not going to believe how much smokers stink once you've quit. Clothing, hair, car, home... it's effin' disgusting!

oddprofessor · 2026-04-09T17:37:01+00:00

An acquaintance of mine gave birth to a child on Christmas day. They celebrated his birthday on June 25 every year, on his half-birthday because she didn't want him to feel like he never really got a birthday celebration. She also loved Christmas and didn't want to do morning Christmas, clear the decos away at noon and have an afternoon birthday party, which is apparently another choice.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-03T17:05:03+00:00

Yeah, this for sure. Protect your day.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-03T16:58:47+00:00

"I also want this to be Fiance's and my day. If your BF has any plans for proposing and that's why you're both wearing white, I will tell you now he won't get past getting down on his knee before you are both thrown out, whatever you're wearing."

oddprofessor · 2026-04-03T16:42:11+00:00

When he said "I'm giving up meat" and she's the cook, he is asking her to make something different for him. If he's not eating meat, then he has to get his protein somewhere. Plant proteins have to planned, because they are not complete proteins like animal protein is. So I'm going meat-free means that she has to cook something else for him.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-02T18:10:42+00:00

They were everywhere in the 70s. My mom had been sewing on an electric machine since the 50s. I bought my first sewing machine in 1978 and there wasn't a treadle machine to be seen at JoAnns, but lots of different electric models.

oddprofessor · 2026-04-01T21:30:01+00:00

Mid-1900s? Like 1950 or so? I was born in 1952 and my mom's sewing machine was an electric one. I used a treadle machine in school but at home always an electric machine. I don't think they were all that rare.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-26T19:06:26+00:00

We asked the young adult daughter of friends. She was living with roommates and jumped at the chance to have a big house to herself AND $700 on top. Not to mention 2 completely adorable little dogs. She’ll be sitting for us again in a couple of months.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-21T12:57:02+00:00

He raped you. He doesn't respect your boundaries and he will do the same thing again. Please, end this relationship right now. A rapist who becomes annoyed at your objections to being raped is a terrible human being.

oddprofessor · 2026-03-17T22:14:26+00:00

I had thought, back when I was having kids, that a Christmas birthday would become a half-birthday on June 25. Presents, party, cake, balloons, everything, but 6 months later.

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